(unsplash - Priscilla Du Preez)
The List of Five
Sunday, BBQ, and an Ordinary Day
All Sunday morning, I had looked forward to eating BBQ for lunch. We pulled in front of the Underwood’s BBQ at 7828 Lake June Road in Dallas. This was the 60s.
Our family had just left church in Southeast Dallas. Yet, this was no ordinary Sunday for our family. Today, we were going out to eat.
Now this was rare for our family. But then, most families in our modest church didn’t go out to eat on Sunday. We were not poor but we had very little discretionary money. After all, we kids were going to a small Christian school nearby. (This would later become Dallas Christian School.) The tuition took most of my mother’s paycheck.
We went into Underwood’s BBQ and each got our trays, as this was cafeteria style. We were lined up, sliding our trays along the metal railing as we selected our food. My dad was first in line. My mother said to my sister, my brother, and me, “Everybody get water and no desert. We have desert at home.” My mother, who loved to cook, baked deserts several times a week. Yet, we were now walking by the strawberry shortcake, the lemon icebox pie, and the apple pie. I remember thinking, “Rich kids probably get desert every time they come here.”
This was many years ago. I have no idea how many BBQ joints and BBQ restaurants I have been to since then. Yet, this one place is etched into my memory.
Now think about today.
There may be nothing about today that makes it different from any other day. Yet, when God is at work, no day can be taken for granted. Who knows how God might use this seemingly ordinary day? After all, consider Psalm 118:24 (NLT):
This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.
The Lord has made this day. Will we steward (or manage) our day well? Will you and I honor God today?
What if you were to be intentional today by sending an encouraging text to your grown children?
What if you honored God by praying for someone who really needs your prayer today?
What if you were to thank someone who has richly blessed your life?
It could be, that years later, some person will remember this as a significant day because of a blessing received from you. Even if they don’t remember this day, perhaps God will use you to work behind the scenes to do something that matters. What if the hand of God were to move favorably toward someone today because you prayed for them?
Let Us Learn to be Gracious
Charlotte, myself, and our two small girls were coming into town from vacation.
It was Sunday evening and our church was scheduled to have a meal that evening at the church building. Instead of immediately going home, we decided to stop by the church and join our friends for the remainder of the meal. Charlotte mentioned that we had nothing to bring. Typically when we had church dinners, we would bring enough food for our family and then some extra. I said something like, “It’s no big deal. Let’s just stop by for a few minutes.”
We walked into the room where everyone was finishing their meal. A lady looked at us, laughed, and then said in a loud voice, “Well here are the Martin’s and they haven’t brought any food.” I still remember what it feels like when someone chooses to not be gracious.
Today, if you decide to be gracious, you will have made an important decision about your day.
Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone (Colossians 4:3 -NLT)
Gracious people have a way of bringing beauty and joy to most any situation. I was around a gracious person recently and was reminded of this. He has a way of communicating warmth, value, and always seems genuinely glad to be in the presence of the one whom he is with.
Gracious people focus on the comfort and joy of another.
Gracious people put others at ease.
Gracious people have a way of looking for what is good and right.
Gracious people bring energy and life into a conversation or a process.
I could name some of the gracious people whom I have known. They have a way of making the day better. They have a way of making me better.
Of course there are people who are not gracious. They focus on their rights, getting their way, and taking as much as they can - even at the expense of others. Some have a heightened sense of self-importance. They will quickly tell you about their important job, role, career, etc. They are often focused on what they want and will say and do most anything to get it!
I want to thank God for every single gracious person he has brought into my life. I am better for knowing these people.
I do want to live as a gracious person, remembering that every person I encounter today has been created in the image of God.
Where do you begin?
Be slow about calling attention to the blunder and mistake of another. Do I really need to highlight someone’s mistake for everyone to see? Is this particular blunder worth embarrassing or even humiliating another person?
A few years ago, Charlotte taught at an Orthodox Jewish school in Memphis. She taught students each afternoon, along with a number of other non-Jewish teachers. One day I went to the school to give Charlotte something she had forgotten. I said “hello” to her principal, who was standing in the hallway. I initiated a handshake. She shook my hand and smiled. Later, she laughed and told Charlotte that we had shaken hands in the hallway. Charlotte said, “I’m confused. As an Orthodox Jew, aren’t you supposed to refrain from shaking hands with someone who is not your husband?” The principal graciously replied, “Your husband didn’t know that. In our culture, it would have been far worse to embarrass him publicly.”
Be deliberate about expressing gratitude to someone else (perhaps the clerk at Lowe’s; a trainee at Starbucks; a Bible school teacher at church, etc.) What about expressing gratitude to a spouse? What if I were to thank my parents or my children?
Consider how you might defer to someone else’s wishes. For example, for lunch, why not go to the restaurant your friend prefers. This doesn’t mean you don’t express your preference if asked. However, if you sense your friend would really like to go to lunch at a particular place, why not go there and even be gracious about it?
Spiritual Mentoring Might Begin Here
Spiritual mentioning often begins with three key questions (Walter Wright, Mentoring, pp. 2-3)
What is the most important thing in life to you? (Your Character)
Projecting yourself to the end of your life, what do you want to be known for? (Your Legacy)
At this stage of your journey, what do you need to learn next? (Your Present Life)
These are three very important questions. Consider the following:
Your Character - What is the most important thing in life to you? Your external life, your practices, and your habits say so much about you and your character. Is your character aligned with your practices and daily life?
Your Legacy - What are you going to be known for? What do you want to be known for? I know of a man who would like for others to perceive him as a good man. However, many people experience him as pompous, full of self-importance, and very self-centered. The question is, “Is your legacy going to be something you would be like to be known for?”
Your Present Life - What do you need to learn next? This may mean you need to put your phone and social media habits aside. Instead, consider the next step you need to take in order to become the kind of person you want to be.
Seek Maturity in Your Relationships (Especially for ministers and other church leaders)
Not long ago, I heard my friend, Dr. Evertt Huffard, speak on the importance of ministers/church leaders being people who can get along with others. Some ministers may have a good education and ministry skills which can be very helpful. Yet, getting along with others is critical.
In a congregation, a minister can allow immaturity to really get in the way of healthy functioning. Our immaturity can interfere with our ministry.
Immature behaviors include:
Reacting instead of responding. Some ministers impulsively react out of raw emotion instead of thinking through the best way to respond to a particular situation.
Manipulating others instead of respecting the congregation enough to work through things together. Manipulation shows up when a minister or church leader lives by the adage, “It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.”
Blaming others when things go wrong instead of taking responsibility. There are ministers and elders who find it very difficult to say, “I was wrong” or “I handled this situation poorly.”
Sabotaging someone with whom you differ instead of being upfront and honest. A meeting is scheduled in which an elder is going to propose a project that is very important to him. Suppose the immature minister or elder, before the meeting, approaches the other ministers/elders, one-by-one, in an attempt to sabotage this process. Is this what we wish to model before the church?
One of the best things ministers and other church leaders can do for a congregation is to model what it means to seek maturity in Christ. That maturity ought to be reflected in the way we treat people.
Etcetera: Listening and Reading
I have been enjoying Malcolm Guite’s reflections on the Psalms. See David’s Crown.
One of the newsletters I enjoy is Liam Byrnes’ —The Lectio Letter.
I listened to Kate Bowler’s interview with Beth Moore and really enjoyed this. Much of the discussion dealt with Moores’ new memoir.
I continue to read Collin Hansen’s wonderful book Timothy Keller: His Spiritual and Intellectual Formation. Such a great book!
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #77