The List of Five
The Friend Who Helps You Finish
I love this powerful story (CNN):
It’s an image that encapsulates the power of friendship through adversity: Kevin Sinfield, a legendary figure in the sport of rugby league, stops short of the finish line of a marathon to gather Rob Burrow, his friend and former teammate, into his arms.
The poignant moment came at the end of the inaugural Rob Burrow Leeds Marathon on Sunday and the pair received cheers from those spectating when they crossed the line together.
Burrow, who played for England and Leeds Rhinos alongside Sinfield, was diagnosed with the degenerative condition motor neuron disease (MND) in 2019.
Friendship matters. It really matters.
Yet, the importance of friendship is not about having particular friends who might enhance your sense of significance or importance.
Rather, a real friend can help you get across the finish line. A real friend can help you finish well.
What friend is helping you get across the finish line?
Perhaps it is that friend who encourages you to keep going even when you feel like quitting.
Perhaps it is that friend who reminds you of your value when your shortcomings and failures seem to linger in your mind.
Perhaps it is that friend who comes alongside you when you feel overwhelmed by your job, your husband’s illness, or the disappointing behavior of one of your children.
Perhaps it is that friend who continues to text, call, and suggest lunch or coffee. You may especially appreciate the friend who initiates such contact.
On the other hand, who are you helping to cross the finish line?
Who needs your friendship? Who needs your help, your encouragement, and your support? Who might you text or call today? What if you were to initiate a time for coffee or lunch with another person?
What if you were to take a small step today toward simply being a friend to another?
Three Questions for Reflection
What do you do?
My “day job” is with Harding School of Theology, a 65 year old seminary in Memphis, Tn. I serve as vice-president of the school (since January 2014) which means that my work is basically administrative.
In addition to this administrative work, I also spend a lot of time with ministers. (Previously, I spent many years serving in congregational ministry.) This can range from sharing a cup of coffee with someone to talk about life/ministry to a more formal role, such as a mentor or coach. This contact may be a late afternoon phone call, a Zoom conversation, or an in-person meeting. I also lead a mentoring group for ministers. I find great joy in supporting and encouraging ministers, other church leaders, and Christ-followers in general.
What are you learning?
Right now, I have three particular interests. Much of my reading and thinking revolves around these areas:
I have a real interest in shepherding. I am not talking about pastor/elder roles in particular but rather the powerful, influential role one can have in the life of another person. How can a person pass on the best of what she or he has been learning?
I have a strong interest in wisdom. What does it mean to grow in wisdom? How can a person finish strong and finish well? How can a person continue to be vibrant in his/her thinking, maintain a strong curiosity about the world/life, and have a relatively cheerful spirit. Contrast this to the person who stops learning, loses any sense of curiosity, and is a difficult, unpleasant person?
I am also interested in learning how to be a more effective mentor and coach. (Technically, these are two different roles.) How can a person come alongside another and in some way help make that person better?
What brings you joy?
As a Christ-follower, there is a sense in which I am experiencing joy through my relationship/experience with Christ. I have learned that experiencing this joy does not mean the elimination of pain, sorrow, or disappointment (Philippians 2:17). There is a joy that comes from the Spirit that can transcend these difficult emotions (Galatians 5:22-23).
I also receive a certain kind of joy from everyday moments of life. Examples might include a vacation with my wife, being with our four grandchildren, the first cup of coffee in the morning, eating most anything that is cinnamon flavored, talking with a long-time friend by phone etc.
Recently, Charlotte and I met Dale and Dana Robinson for dinner. (Dale served as a minister for many years in Chicago, St. Louis, and Indianapolis.) We had not seen them in quite a long time. We were in graduate school (ACU) together and they were passing through Memphis. We spend several hours talking about life and ministry in a Memphis BBQ place. I experienced much joy from being with these friends.
How would you answer these questions? I would love to hear your response either by e-mail (jmartin9669@gmail.com) or by commenting on this post.
These Are the “Good Ol’ Days”
Someone said that regardless of age, people have a tendency to look back to earlier years and long for the “good ol’ days.” For some of us, our memories of those years might focus on happier or simpler times:
The real music that happened long ago when I was in my twenties.
The real life that happened when churches were full and the singing was robust.
The real joy that happened when our children were young and innocent.
Of course there is nothing wrong with appreciating music, art, or travel that took place long ago. You and I may look back and joyfully relive the days when our children were young. Nothing is wrong with missing certain cultural aspects of life that might seem scarce or even non-existent at this point. Nostalgia has its place.
At the same time, we do live today. At this very moment, we may be creating the “good ol’ days” for our children and even grandchildren.
Today, we can bring one another joy. You and I can offer a pleasant word to someone or a smile to a clerk in a store.
Today, we can laugh and play with our children or grandchildren. We can even laugh at our own blunders and perhaps take ourselves less seriously.
Today, we can learn. While at the gym this week, I watched part of a fascinating film, Wild Isles, with David Attenborough. This is a short film series that features animals, the sea, grasslands and ponds on the British Isles. I found great joy in watching the camera work as it focused on God’s creation.
Seth Godin went on to say in a recent interview with Tim Ferris:
Approaching it with a positive, energetic attitude probably will make your experience of the world better than girding yourself by being a pessimist and maybe getting what you’re hoping for. So I find myself coming back frequently, particularly in the last bunch of years when there’s been so much doom and gloom to this idea that we get to pick our attitude. And in fact, it’s the only thing each of us truly gets to pick.
There is much about life that you and I have no control over. However, perhaps we can make these present days the “good ol’ days” for our family and others whom we love.
Your wife may be ill. You may have financial problems. Perhaps you are disappointed in a few choices made by your daughter or son. Nevertheless, we can make the most of these days.
You and I can choose to trust God each day. We can choose to live with gratitude. We can choose to smile and savor even the smallest moment of joy.
Yesterday is gone but God is still present, active, and at work in our lives today. We bless others when we look for what is good, what is right, and what is joyful about today.
I suspect the end result will likely be even more gratitude.
Tim Keller: What We Can Learn (Especially for Ministers and Church Leaders)
Decades ago, a group of young ministers sat in a living room waiting for our meeting to begin. Our friend and mentor, Lynn Anderson, was leading a mentoring group. That day, he wanted us to hear the recording of a question and answer session that took place at a new church plant in New York City. The questions appeared to be from new Christians and non-Christians.
I remember being impressed with this minister’s response to each question. This New York City minister modeled something rich in this recording. He was:
Even-handed. There was a certain humility in his answers.
Gracious. He seemed so patient and kind to those who asked questions.
Thoughtful. He referred to various writers and thinkers, both from long ago and more recent.
Gospel-centered. He referred to Jesus and showed how he was connected to the question that had been asked.
Later I learned that the speaker was Tim Keller. Since then, for many years, I have read his books and listened to his messages, presentations, interviews, etc.
After his recent death (May 19, 2023), a number of people have spoken and written about his influence. See these two podcasts - “Remembering Tim Keller” (Christianity Today) and “Tim Keller’s Heavenly Hope”(Russell Moore). See below for more resources.
Etcetera (Listening and Reading)
Regarding Tim Keller, his recent death and his ministry. See “Tim Keller Practiced the Grace that He Preached” (Christianity Today). Also see David Brook’s piece, “What Tim Keller Taught Me About Joy” (The New York Times). You might enjoy Michael Luo’s article, “The Far-Seeing Faith of Tim Keller” (The New Yorker). Daniel Silliman wrote “Died: Tim Keller, New York City Pastor Who Modeled Winsome Witness” (Christianity Today). Finally, see this obituary, “The Rev. Timothy Keller, Pioneering Manhattan Evangelist, Dies at 72” (The New York Times).
I recently started reading (again) The Autobiography of George Muller. This is such and inspiring book as we watch Muller learn to trust God.
I just finished Susan Neiman’s book, Why Grow Up?: Subversive Thoughts for an Infantile Age. The book is pretty dense and not the easiest read, but I did come away with a few nuggets.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #83