(Unsplash - Shaojie)
The List of Five
Are You Willing to Ask?
“May I ask your advice regarding a problem?”
For some, asking this question may be very difficult. Simply asking this question to another might cause some of us to feel vulnerable and exposed. Old insecurities may get in the way.
Many of us are willing to help others. However, some of us may be reluctant to ask for help. It often takes a genuine humility to ask another for help or advice.
Jerod Mayo is a former NFL player (New England Patriots), a former executive with United Health Group, and presently an assistant coach with the Patriots.
Recently I read an article in Forbes, written by Gautam Mukunda, a research fellow at the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard Kennedy School. He writes about Jerod Mayo and his willingness to grow and learn by asking for advice:
Jerod finds it easy to acquire extraordinary mentors – from Bill Belichick to hedge fund titan Seth Klarman. Why? He’s willing to do something most people aren’t – go up to them and ask for advice. Even though research suggests that asking for advice is one of the most effective ways to build a relationship, most people are reluctant to do it. It makes them feel vulnerable and weak. It makes them, in other words, uncomfortable. And they don’t have the discipline to overcome that discomfort.
Am I willing to ask for advice? Or, does my self-consciousness keep me from asking for help?
Yet, by refusing to put myself in a place where I am vulnerable and uncomfortable, I may be standing in the way of my growth.
Consider the following from a podcast interview Mayo did on World Reimagined:
We all start as rookies but not all of us become champions, and what differentiates the two? It may be the desire to never stop learning, and never stop leveling up. Am I willing to do this even though it might make me feel uncomfortable?
So what questions are you asking at this point in your life? Here are a few questions I have asked others:
How do you grow in wisdom as you age? What has been most helpful to you as you seek to grow in wisdom instead of merely getting older?
How do you know what or who to invest in, instead of just accumulating more interests, experiences, and tidbits of information?
What is it that my children (and grandchildren) most need from me?
You probably have other questions which you are pondering. Think about five people whom you know. What is the question you would like to ask each person? How might that person’s answer or reflection help you in some way?
Do You Elevate Others?
"It’s easier to be better when we are around you."
These words were spoken by New York Times columnist David Brooks to Judy Woodruff after she anchored the PBS nightly news for the last time, on December 30, after 25 years.
"It’s easier to be better when we are around you." What a significant tribute!
As I reflect upon my own life, I would like to think it is easier for others to be better when they are around me. I desire the following:
I want to be a gracious person, building another up instead of tearing that person down.
I want to be a person who is fully present in my conversations. I don’t want to have a conversation and the person leave the room remembering that I was constantly looking at my phone.
I want to leave my ego at the door. I would like to be unassuming and without pretension. Perhaps you, like me, have had conversations with others who talk non-stop about themselves, their projects, their opinions, etc. without ever asking a single question. In my best moments, I hope that I focus on the value of the person I am with.
“If I Couldn’t Handle Not Being Good at Something . . . “
I love the following quote from Gerald Hodges, a former high school student at Arlington (Texas) Seguin High School:
If I couldn’t handle not being good at something then how could I consider myself a successful person?
He said this explaining to Steve Hartman of CBS why he joined his high school swim team, even though he didn’t know how to swim. See the video below:
This is such a good reminder!
Pay Attention to These Four Basics (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
I knocked on the door to the motel room. The door led to the outside. It was mid-morning.
I was there to pick up a guest preacher who had been preaching at a nearby church over the weekend. The previous evening, I met him at this church. I explained that I was a young minister just starting out and would value the opportunity to spend time with him over coffee. I wanted to ask this experienced, older minister a few questions regarding ministry.
The door opened and my acquaintance stood at the door with one hand holding a handkerchief, covering one eye. As I stood in the doorway, he removed his hand and the handkerchief from the eye he had been covering.
“Excuse me, but would you mind looking into my eye to see if you see anything that might cause it to be so irritated?” I looked carefully, thinking he must have a sliver of something lodged in his eye causing this irritation. However, I saw nothing.
He went back inside his room, washed his eye with eye drops and experienced almost immediate relief. We then went to a coffee shop and talked for about an hour.
Before we had conversation, we had to deal with the basics. The man had something in his eye and that needed to be addressed.
You and I may wish to talk with the elders or others in the congregation about our ideas, our theology, our proposals, etc. However, we have to be attentive to the basics first. These basics are a bare minimum. Ignore these and congregational ministry will probably be more difficult. The following are four basics regarding life and ministry:
Follow through. If you tell the elders that you will take care of a situation, do it. Follow through on what you say you will do.
Respond to communication. When others call you, text you, or e-mail you, it is critical that you respond. You can lose credibility and good will quickly by ignoring texts, e-mails, and phone calls from those within your church.
Be easy to get along with. Don’t be the person who has the reputation for being overly-sensitive, prickly, and difficult. As much as it is in your control, get along with others.
Show a genuine interest in others, regardless of their age, education, etc. Make a serious attempt to learn the names of people within your congregation. Show an interest in what matters to them. Ask about the soccer game, the art lessons, the band concert, etc. Your genuine interest makes a difference.
Etcetera: Listening and Reading
For more information about Jerod Mayo see “He’s Bill Belichick 2.0’: Could Jerod Mayo become the next Patriots coach?” in The Athletic, March 2023. (Chad Graff). Also see Gautam Mukunda’s excellent interview on World Reimagined (podcast).
I listened to Adam Grant’s interview on Rethinking with incoming Dartmouth President, Sian Beilock. See “The science of performing under pressure with Sian Beilock.”
Recently listened to David Allen’s interview with Daniel Levitin author of The Organized Mind. At the end of the podcast, he talks about the importance of “self-management.” Some resist structure in their lives but is self-management structure that can give us freedom.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #79