The List of Five
“I’m Out of Next Times”
What do you do when there are no more “do-overs?”
Recently I listened to a conversation between Kate Bowler and NPR broadcaster, Mary Louise Kelly in which they discussed her memoir regarding raising children and trying to have a career. I then listened to an excellent interview with NPR broadcaster Scott Simon in which he interviews Mary Louise Kelly regarding the same memoir. In her book, Kelly discusses the challenge of anchoring the national news and managing a family with two sons.
She spoke of the tendency to think she will do differently next time. Kelly said she realized at one point that “I’m out of next times.”
I have been thinking about this phrase, “I’m out of next times.” Eventually, for you and me, there comes a time when “I’m out of next times.” There will be a time when there are no more do-overs.
I want to focus on the opportunity I have today, not what I hope I will do next time.
Today here are a few things I want to do:
I want to send my child a note of encouragement.
I want to tell my spouse that I love her.
I want to communicate to a friend how important our friendship is to me.
I want to say “yes” to an opportunity to serve.
What about you?
One day, you and I will run out of next times. We will run out of do-overs. However, today, we can take action. Today we do what is loving, right, and thoughtful.
What do you need to say or do, today?
Doing the right thing today may make all the difference in the world!
What is the Truest Thing About You?
For some the center of life may be one of the following:
The center of life might be one’s work. This person may talk non-stop about successes, projects, deals, promotions, etc. without ever asking you or anyone else about your work or life. Maybe this person is enamored with her job title and the importance some might associate with it. Yet, long-time friends may wonder how this person became so arrogant and self-absorbed.
The center of life could be a person’s body. This person may wrestle with the changes in the body that might come with age. Some may feel less like a complete man or woman with age and desperately try to turn back the clock. As this person turns 30, 40, 50, or even 60 years of age, the focus may be on what is lacking and deficient. The focus may be on what is sagging, larger, smaller, and has more wrinkles.
“What happened to my attractive self? My athletic self? My energetic self?” I remember well the woman who angrily approached me at church one Sunday morning and expressed a frustration. She then said, “Don’t you know I was young once?”
The center of life could be a person’s social media presence. This person may post regularly focusing on a wonderful, attractive, successful life. Some of these posts almost seem to scream, “Look at me and my amazing life!” Meanwhile, close friends know this family is actually in turmoil.
Finally, for some the center of life may be a person’s wounds. A person’s identity may be shaped around a divorce, the bad behavior of a son/daughter, a bankruptcy, or the failure of a business venture. For some, conversations may seem to always return to one’s wounds. Are these real and even devastating? Absolutely. Yet, our wounds do not have to become the center of who we are.
For years, I thought I was one step away from being happy and fulfilled. If only I could have that one thing I seemed to be lacking. I remember graduating with my Doctor of Ministry degree. Still feeling dissatisfaction, I told my wife, Charlotte, a few days later that I might look into law school. She looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
I remember her response:
“When are we going to finally be happy?” she said. (“We” meant me.)
I was looking everywhere for happiness except the one thing that could make me whole. I needed to focus on my reconciliation to God through Jesus. He was redeeming me in all of my broken places. Only he could quench my thirst for fulfillment.
Basically, what is at the very center of my life is this conviction:
Jesus loves me, this I know.
When this conviction is the truest thing about me, it cannot be lost, diminished or taken away. You may be aging and you see your body diminishing. You may wrestle with a heart issue or cancer. You may even have a husband or wife walk away from you.
Yet, at the center of your life and mine, Jesus promises, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
Today, know that your worth and value are found in him, not in academic degrees, fancy job titles, or your financial worth.
At the center of your existence, know that you are just right. And by the power of the Spirit, you and I can love God and others in a way that is also just right.
This is good news!
Becoming the Parent Your Child Needs
The following are a few suggestions for preparing yourself to serve your children as their parents. Your children may be small or they may be adults with mortgages. You never stop being a parent. Note the following:
Pay attention to the conversations of your children. Good parents are intentional listeners. As you drive your child and her friends to the ball game, notice what they are they talking about. What seems to matter to them?
Minister to your children from the inner person. Far too many parents almost rely solely on activities, projects, and experiences. Yet, at the core of what it means to be a parent, your children need a mother/dad who is on a serious pursuit to become more Christ-like.
Fill up your tank! Be devoted to daily prayer. Pray for your children each day. Read the Scriptures every day. You and I desperately need the wisdom and Spirit filled words that are found in Scripture.
Model lived wisdom before your children. These children may be involved in youth group activities. Yet, what is especially critical is that they see real wisdom modeled by their parents. I heard a twelve year old boy say regarding his dad, “I look at the way he makes decisions in his own life. He really wants to please God. This shapes his decisions.”
Live in the face of death. You model what it means to live between your baptism and your death. What do others remember when they hear you tell your story?
My Texas friend Larry said it well the other day. Recently, he was in a small group where various members of the group had known one another 30-40 years. In this group they told their stories. He said that it never fails that after someone has told their story that someone else says, “I never knew that.”
When we are raising our children, there will be much that goes on in life that our children may not be fully aware of until years later. You may hear them say, “I never knew that.”
Yet, they can know this:
My mom/dad began every morning praying for me and reading the Bible.
My mom/dad wanted me to love God and serve him above everything else.
My mom/dad showed me what it looks like to be a woman/man who deeply loves God and has kingdom values.
We All Need a Shepherd (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
It rained hard that night as I drove from Pulaski, Tn. to Columbia, Tn. on U.S. Route 31. I was on my to the hospital to be with a young woman and her family as she was dying of cancer. She was not expected to live through the night. I was 26, near her age, and was preaching for a small church in Pulaski.
As I got off the elevator, I learned that she had just died in her room. I waited in a nearby waiting room with much of the family. Finally a nurse approached me and asked if I was their minister. She then said, “You probably want to take them to the chapel.” She gathered the family and asked them to join me in the chapel.
I waited outside the door of the small chapel while it filled up with family members. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or say at this point. I was scared to death.
Inside the chapel, I saw a large, open Bible on a stand. I picked up the Bible and saw that it was open to the 23rd Psalm. I read the Psalm aloud to the group, prayed, and hugged members of the family. After having decades to think about this, I might do the same thing again.
Yet, it is not just family members who have just lost a 26 year old daughter and sister to cancer who need to hear the words of this Psalm. Ministers and other church leaders need to hear these words as well.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” — This wonderful God is a shepherd to ever minister and every church leader. He makes sure you have what you need.
Shepherding/ministry is not about your limitations meeting the hard problems of the “sheep.”
Rather, shepherding/ministry is God’s inexhaustible abundance meeting the unending, hard problems of the sheep. God’s abundance allows you to pay attention, serve, and move on, trusting that God is at work in their lives - and yours.
“The Lord is my shepherd” - He leads us to green pastures and provides the water we need.
“He refreshes my soul” - You and I can trust in him. This wonderful shepherd is not wondering why we have not done more. He is not making demands that we complete more on our “to do” list. This shepherd is our provider who is sustaining us, refreshing us, and providing what we need. “He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart . . .” (Isa. 40:11).
Before you as a minister or church leader can minister or shepherd others, you are called to allow yourself to be loved, held, and shepherded by the good shepherd himself.
The Lord is my shepherd!
Etcetera (Listening and Reading)
I recently listened to a very good podcast in which Russell Moore interviews Christopher Watkins regarding his new book, Biblical Critical Theory: How the Bible's Unfolding Story Makes Sense of Modern Life and Culture. (Thanks Eric Gentry for making me aware of this book.) I found this discussion very interesting. Also you might enjoy, Elves, Boomers, and Influencers: What We’re Reading, again from Russell Moore.
I have been reading Phillip Yancey’s wonderful memoir, Where the Light Fell: A Memoir. Yancey has been one of my favorite authors for many years.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #80