The List of Five
Today is the Day to Care
I want the people who matter most to me to know that I care.
When we lived in Waco, Texas I received a call one day from a person who asked to meet with me, along with her spouse. They wanted to meet for counseling, to talk about the difficulties in their marriage. I met with this couple and they talked at length about what was unpleasant and dissatisfying. As they unpacked their grievances, they showed very little emotion. They did not seem particularly angry or distressed.
I met with this couple every other week for about three months. Each time, they would lodge another complaint toward the other and still there was almost no emotion expressed. Finally, one day something occurred to me.
They have stopped caring. Both had become apathetic toward one another. They had little emotion left and seemingly no will to change.
As I think about my own relationships today, I never want to stop caring. I want to care deeply! I care about my spouse. I care about my children and grandchildren. I care about my friends.
I may feel sad, perplexed, or frustrated at times in my relationships. Or, I may feel encouraged and fully loved at other times. However, I never want to become apathetic toward the people who matter most to me.
Perhaps the challenge is to consistently show these people by my words and behavior that I genuinely care.
Simon Sinek once said,
It doesn’t matter when we start.
It doesn’t matter where we start.
All that matters is that we start.
Today, think about your spouse, your children, and your friends. As you think about each of these people, consider the following:
What person could use an encouraging text message from you today?
What person needs to hear you invite them to lunch?
What person needs to hear your voice on the phone speaking a few affirming words?
Maybe one of the best things you and I can do today is to again show someone through our words or behavior that we really care. What matters is that we start.
What Influences You?
So much that happens in this life is out of our control. At the same time, you and I can be intentional about what might influence us.
For example, consider the choices we make each day. We cannot control everything but we can be intentional about the following:
What will my input be? What will I feed my mind? I can choose to put into my mind God’s word, good thoughts, beauty, etc. I can think about what is good, right and just. I can focus on all for which I can be grateful. I can read good books, listen to music, and speak with those who tend to inspire and elevate. I can think about or tell stories that are inspiriting.
Or, I can spend much time reading negative, cynical remarks and comments on social media. I can regularly put into my mind what is negative, critical and cynical.
What will I choose my input to be?
What will my associations be? Who am I spending time with? I want to spend time with people who love God and are focused on serving him. I want to be with people who are positive and who live with thankfulness to God. I want to be with a few people who laugh regularly, particularly at themselves.
I don’t want to spend too much time with self-absorbed people or those who are focused on purchasing the next toy or trinket. I don’t want to spend too much time with those who see to worship their own self-importance.
What will my environment be? What surroundings will I choose? I don’t want to constantly be staring at my phone, particularly when there is another person in the room. I want to be fully present with other’s. I want to be present and engaged with others in the room.
My input. My associations. My environment. These are all important influences in my life and yours. It helps me to think about each of these and then consider the choices I am making.
I realize there is much in life, that you and I cannot control. However, we can be intentional about our input, our associations, and our environment.
Perhaps today, I can do something on purpose to elevate and enhance what might influence me. I would like for my influences to help me reach higher, persevere, and love God to the fullest.
Your Age, Your Time, and Longing for the New
I recently heard English poet Malcom Guite quote a wonderful poem written by Edmund Waller. Edmund Waller (born 1606 and died 1687) was an English poet and politician who was a Member of Parliament between 1624 and 1687.
The seas are quiet when the winds give o'er;
So calm are we when passions are no more.
For then we know how vain it was to boast
Of fleeting things, so certain to be lost.
Clouds of affection from our younger eyes
Conceal that emptiness which age descries.
The soul's dark cottage, batter'd and decay'd,
Lets in new light through chinks that Time hath made:
Stronger by weakness, wiser men become
As they draw near to their eternal home.
Leaving the old, both worlds at once they view
That stand upon the threshold of the new.
The poem is entitled “Old Age.” However, I actually think these lines may speak to many people regardless of age. Everyone of us age and get older. There is a point, however, in which we will “stand upon the threshold of the new.”
Perhaps this is a good reminder that our flesh wants to focus on “getting old.” Some of us complain that we are no longer in our 30s or 40’s or 50s. Yet, all of us in Christ are moving toward the “threshold of the new.” This is good news!
What Helps Us Continue (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders - Part 1 of 2)
It is true that in recent years, a number of ministers have left “full-time” congregational ministry. This has only intensified since the pandemic. There are a variety of reasons for this that have been discussed and written about in other places.
Not long ago, in preparation for a presentation at the annual HopeNetwork retreat, I talked with a number of ministers from across the country who serve in various full-time ministry roles in their churches. I asked them what practices or habits have contributed to their decision to continue serving. These ministers noted that the last three years has been very difficult for them and at times very discouraging. Nevertheless, they continue to serve their churches.
I will share a few of their habits below and then will do the same in the next Encouragement Note.
A number of ministers acknowledged the following practices:
A Part of a Healthy Group of Fellow Ministers - A number of these ministers said that being a part of a group of healthy ministers has been significant.
One person spoke of his Zoom group. These ministers in this group met once per month to work on being a “less anxious presence.”
Another spoke of being a part of a group of ministers who met by Zoom weekly with a therapist. They each had about 20 minutes to talk about whatever they wished. This therapist would respond. There was something about hearing other ministers talk that made them feel less alone.
Another minister has a small group of ministers with whom he connects with every week. It has been difficult as several in the group left ministry in the last three years. Yet this group has encouraged him greatly. Without this group, he is not sure he could have stayed.
Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines - Some spoke of their time focusing on the spiritual disciplines.
One minister said he focused more on the Psalms.
Another minister spoke of how important these daily disciplines are to him.
Changing the focus - Several ministers spoke about intentionally adjusting or changing their focus.
One person said, “I began focusing less on my resentments and more on my own response to what was happening in our church and around me.” Another spoke of cultivating a spirit of gratitude and contentment instead of focusing on grievances.
One minister talked about focusing on the grace of God and the power of God.
One Arkansas minister spoke of reading an article by Lynn Anderson in which he said that a minister really has little credibility until he has been with a church for about seven years. This really helped him with his thinking and expectations.
Finally, a Memphis minister spoke of the need to “cultivate and protect” joy!
Cultivating and Nourishing Friendships - A number of ministers spoke of the tremendous value of having healthy friendships.
One minister meets regularly (Zoom) with a group of friends who went through seminary together. They are intentional about encouraging one another in these calls.
One minister spoke of working with a church that was in the same town in which his dad preached. His dad, however, served another congregation. At the time, he was a very young youth minister. His dad and another more experienced preacher invited this youth minister to meet with them weekly for lunch. He said that these two were healthy ministers but they spoke openly of their problems in the churches they served. It helped him to see that these two had served for a long time, had problems, and yet did not quit.
Another minister spoke of surrounding himself with healthy people who he can talk with instead of isolating himself when he is down.
One minister said that his friendships were the nucleus of his mental health.
Etcetera: Reading/Listening
I found this article, “29 Lessons from Owning a Bookstore” by Ryan Holiday interesting. Maybe I was drawn to this because of the digital age and the closing of numerous physical bookstores in recent years.
You might enjoy Thomas Oppong’s piece “30 Tiny Habits to Improve Your Life Without Really Trying.”
I regularly browse through the Regent College Bookstore site (Vancouver, B.C.) For a number of years, during the summer, I audited courses at Regent. (See the Regent Audio tab. These audios are past lectures, classes, etc.)
If you have not read Tim Keller’s “The Decline and Renewal of the American Church,” I highly recommend this. (This is the extended version with footnotes.)
An interesting TED talk (interview) by Anjali Sud, CEO of Vimeo, entitled “How Great Leaders Take on Uncertainty.” At one point, she speaks of admonishing managers within her organization to care. (See 15:59 on the video) “If we just care, a lot of things get easier.”
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
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