(Unsplash - Jonas Jacobsson)
(Sorry - There is no podcast/audio available for this issue due to a technical problem.)
The List of Five
What Might Keep Me From Showing Up
For many of us, the answer to this question might be summed up with the following words:
My Fear
My Anger
My Pride
Yet, we may be closing ourselves off from much of life as a result of these lingering emotions. My anger, fear, and pride can keep me “bottled up” and cut off from being fully present with others. These emotions can also prevent me from experiencing real joy in the moment. Perhaps these linger due to some threat, wound, or hurt from the past. For me, these are sometimes related to futile coping mechanisms for dealing with old wounds and inadequacies. (Do you relate to this?)
These emotions may be linked to a particular wound. That divorce. That lost job opportunity. That humiliating moment with my boss. That awful elders’ meeting. We can get stuck in a never ending loop as we replay these moments over and over again in our minds.
I recall a conversation that took place years ago, with a mentor whom I greatly admired. He told me that at the time, I seemed “closed off” emotionally. Regrettably, I immediately denied this instead of asking for more clarity from my friend. Actually, he was correct. I had allowed my fear, anger, and pride to erect an emotional wall around me. At that point in my life, I’m not even sure I was conscious of doing this.
Not long ago, I was in a conversation with a friend in another city. At one point, he said, “I guess the leaves on the trees in Memphis are very beautiful right now.” Embarrassingly, I said “I don’t know.” I honestly wasn’t aware if the leaves on the trees were displaying their typical fall beauty. At the time, I was preoccupied by worry and fear regarding a particular problem I was grappling with.
What I would like to do each morning is to choose to be intentional with the day instead of resorting to some of these emotions that can keep me stuck.
For example, I would like to begin each day with the following affirmations:
Today, I acknowledge that I am very important to God. I may not be important to other people. But to God, I am very significant. I am deeply loved and cherished by God himself. Throughout the Bible, God makes clear that you and I really do matter to him.
Today, I will look for the extraordinary in my everyday activities. I can learn to pay attention to nature, to the voices of children, to the books I read, or to the simple ordinary moments in the coffee shop. I can listen and observe. God’s mighty hand can be often be seen in these everyday moments.
Today, I can savor the beauty of this day. Perhaps I need to turn off the television news and walk through a park. In spite of the discouraging news, God’s everyday beauty remains. After all, “The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands” (Ps. 19:1).
Perhaps it is just me who needs to hear this today. Yet, I suspect not. Perhaps you, like me, can get “bogged down” in some very negative emotions. If we are not careful, we stop showing up in the moment and with those who matter most to us.
What is Your Story of Encouragement?
I have been blessed with several important encouragers in my life.
One person paid a lot of attention to me at a time when my confidence was very, very low. He was intentional about pointing out my skills, abilities, and good qualities that he saw.
My father-in-law, Charles Coil, communicated to me at some critical moments, his great confidence in me. Decades later, I vividly recall moments when he said that I could do more with my life than I realized. The focus of these conversations was always about serving the Lord.
Another encourager, Lynn Anderson, once reminded me, as a young husband, to be more attentive to my wife Charlotte. We talked about the specifics of what this might look like. What a difference this made!
I would love to hear about one or more of your encouragers. What did this person do or say that was so meaningful to you? Please leave a comment below.
Be the One Who Gives Help and Hope
First - You and I can choose to be more helpful than critical.
Someone may have a word of criticism regarding an idea, a project, or a pattern of thinking. At times, a differing point of view can help sharpen our focus and provide a clearer sense of direction.
Then of course, there are people who almost seem to relish their role as a regular critic. These people regularly find fault and seem to always be critiquing. From their point of view almost everyone and everything seem to be lacking in some way:
You can name someone and the regular critic will tell you what is wrong with her. In fact, the regular critic may seem to focus on the flaws of most anyone you mention. I have left conversations feeling pretty flat after being told that the people whom I just mentioned (and happen to admire) do not measure up.
You can name a restaurant you like and the regular critic will tell you how it just doesn’t measure up to the place he likes. “That’s nothing! If you want BBQ, you ought to go to our favorite place. It’s much better than where you went.”
You can name a vacation spot you enjoyed and the regular critic might say, “That’s nice. However, if you really want a great vacation, you need to go where we went.” Again, your destination just doesn’t measure up.
Typically, the regular critic has a way of deflating the life out of most any story. Again and again, the regular critic critiques various people, places, or situations and finds them lacking. They don’t measure up to the critic’s standards.
Yet, I would rather be known for being helpful and encouraging than being a person who deflates most any conversation with a critical word.
Second -You and I can be more hopeful than cynical.
Spend enough time with the cynic and you may feel like quitting. The cynic removes hope. I was a young minister and had a conversation with an older member about the condition of our congregation. He pointed out the various ways in which our congregation was flawed. He basically said there was no real hope for the future. At one point he even said, “Jim, most of the really gifted, sharp people who were a part of this congregation have left. No one is here but losers.”
For this young minister, that conversation was pretty devastating.
I don’t want to be a cynic. I want to be a person who gives hope and life, communicating value to others.
Finally.
There are people who spread negativity everywhere they go. They have a way of focusing on everyone’s flaws and shortcomings. They see the holes in most every dream and aspiration.
Yet, there is something refreshing about someone who smiles and speaks a hopeful word about the past, present, or future.
Each day you and I impact someone. Do my words, demeanor, and tone help move that person forward?
Be the one who gives help and hope.
Street Smarts for Ministry (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
A few years ago, I began compiling a list of “Street Smarts” for ministry. These are truths I have learned about ministry both by experience and by observing others. If you are a minister and/or church leader, you may identify with some of these. You can probably add to this list:
Deal with the “elephants” in the room. They may be present for years without anyone naming or acknowledging them.
There are usually, at least, two sides to the story you just heard. Beware of quickly assuming you know the story because you spent time talking with one person.
Listening well is incredibly important. Consider the words, the tone, and the emotions you are hearing.
Many congregations and church leaders underestimate how much effort they need to put into communicating clearly. It is often far better to over-communicate than to under-communicate and make faulty assumptions.
Trust is everything. If they no longer trust you, your ministry is probably over. Trust can take a long time to build but can be destroyed very quickly.
Avoid hard discussions when a group is very tired. A meeting agenda can be far too ambitious. A sermon or class can be far too detailed and tedious. Know what your group can probably handle given their energy level.
Pay now or pay later. You can’t avoid dealing with the difficult. Sometimes those who want to avoid the difficult will say, “It will work itself out.” Yet, some problems only get worse and more complex when they are avoided.
Ministry is not about how smart you are. It is not how edgy you can speak. Ultimately, ministry is rooted in your own discipleship to Jesus.
You probably have other important “Street Smarts” that are not listed here. I invite you to leave one in the comment box below.
Etcetera (Reading and Listening)
Did you happen to listen to the conversation between Carey Niehoff and Nancy Duarte? This one made me think. Consider this subtitle: Nancy Duarte Outlines “4 Trends in Communication for Public Speakers and Preachers, the Power of Curation and What She Learned from Coaching Apple and Steve Jobs.”
From Mere Orthodoxy, Tim Keller has written a very good piece entitled, “How Should Christians Speak in Public.”
Consider listening to author Greg McKeown’s podcast, “One Habit to Change Every Aspect of Your Life.” (I listened to this twice.)
I am reading Rich Villodas’ excellent book, Good and Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World. I recently listened to him in an interview regarding trauma on the podcast, “The Place We Find Ourselves.” You might enjoy this.
Don’t miss the following video! It may brighten your day. For 30 years, Robert Moore directed a high school choral group in Ponca City, Oklahoma. Watch for a few minutes (3:58) as his former students express gratitude.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
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