The List of Five
The Simple Act of Building Another Up
My eight year old grandson, Lincoln, and I stepped into Kroger to buy a few items. Lincoln stood in the check-out line holding a package of frozen slice and bake cookies. The picture on the package showed the cookies with the figure of a pumpkin on each one.
The self-checkout machine was being monitored by an African-American lady in her 60s. Lincoln showed her the package of cookies. She smiled and said, “Please let me know if these are good!”
It was obvious that this momentary interaction with a eight-year old had brightened her day. Sometimes, it doesn’t take much. Perhaps the encouragement so many of us need might actually be brief and simple.
I came across this wonderful quote from an e-mail from Immanuel Nashville church:
Truett Cathy (founder of Chick-fil-A) was fond of saying, “How can you tell if someone needs encouragement?” His answer was, “they are breathing.”
The e-mail went on to talk about the importance of encouragement as found in Eph. 4:29-32. Note the following (NLT):
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Could it be that most every human being needs encouragement in some form? What if we focus not so much on receiving encouragement this week but on giving encouragement?
Consider the following:
You and I can say what is good and helpful to another. Perhaps this alone will brighten someone’s day.
You and I can refuse negativity. We can refuse to speak words to another that reflects bitterness, rage, and anger. We can avoid speaking harshly to another. The absence of these attitudes might be very refreshing to another.
You and I can be kind and gracious to another. Kindness can brighten most anyone’s day.
Today, so many conversations seem to be caustic and harsh. Our words present an opportunity to embody the very life of Jesus into our conversations.
I love these final words of encouragement in the e-mail from Immanuel Nashville:
Dear family and friends, let’s be grace-giving, hope-building, faith-daring encouragers today. It’s not difficult, and it costs nothing. Start with one person today.
Today:
What is something good and helpful that might encourage one of your co-workers?
What can I say, today, to a family member or friend that is kind and gracious?
Making and Keeping Friends — As “Grown-ups!”
“Grown-ups” or adults certainly need friends. These may be friends we talk with only occasionally. They may be friends we go out to dinner with. These may be friends we’ve known for many years, or only for a short time.
As I think about some of our very dear friends, they are in places such as Memphis, Waco, Abilene, Dallas, Florence (Ala.), Searcy (Ark.) and other locations across the country. These people matter to me.
As a young adult, I really underestimated the importance of adult friendships. I don’t think I really understood the importance of my own friends and what they contributed to my life. I eventually realized these friendships were not just enjoyable but significant for my own well being.
Recently, I read “How to Make, Keep Friends, in Adulthood” by Catherine Pearson (The New York Times, October 21, 2022). She addresses the loneliness that so many of us feel and our longing for friendship. The following are a few takeaways:
Pearson suggests that “you really have to try and put yourself out there” for many friendships to happen. Contrast this to the belief that friendship must always be “organic.” Rather than putting themselves out there, some people passively wait for an organic friendship to somehow occur. The research says that those who hold to such a view are often much lonelier.
She suggests that if you really try to connect with someone you are less likely to be rejected than you might think. In other words, the probably of rejection is not near as high as some people think.
She says that “when people assume that others like them, they become warmer, friendlier and more open.” We become even more likable.
The quality most people value in a friend is “ego support.” That is, people tend to value someone who makes them feel like they matter.
Finally, Pearson believes it is important to communicate to others how much we like and value them. According to some research, just texting a friend can be more meaningful than many of us might think.
In the article, she refers to Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist who studies friendship. Dr. Franco took a trip in which she tested some assumptions about friendship.
Dr. Franco assumed, for instance, that people would like her. And she reminded herself that people in transition — like those who’ve recently moved, gone through a breakup or who are traveling — tend to be more open to making new friends.
Franco’s research is a reminder to consider the various people who are going through some sort of transition. Perhaps you and I could encourage someone simply by taking the initiative to be a friend.
Sometimes we may become discouraged because we would like to be friends with a particular person and yet, we seem to be making no progress toward that end. Yet, friendship can’t be imposed or assumed. It is a gift we give and receive, sometimes from people we expect and sometimes from people we do not expect.
Know this, there are people who would love to have a friend like you.
Today:
Consider writing a short text to two people whom you could like to encourage. If you are not sure what to say, consider this: “I have been thinking about you today. I appreciate our many years of friendship. Thank you for making a positive difference in my life.”
Show an interest in a few people whom you would like to bless today. You might begin by showing some interest in them asking something like, “What has been the best thing about your day?”
Put Great Food in Your Brain!
When I was growing up, eating dinner at our house was a pretty big deal. Dinner always took place at the kitchen table. Typically, my mother cooked a meal that even included desert.
She did, however, get a bit aggravated whenever one of her three children came to the table and said, “I’m not hungry.” She knew we had eaten so many snacks after school we were no longer hungry. These snacks might have included, hot dogs, candy, cookies, leftover desert from the day before, etc.
Some of us seem to fill our minds with brain junk food. This might include some of the following:
Negative unwholesome thoughts (may result in bitterness, rage, anger, and unwholesome talk)
Frustration and thoughts surrounding this (may result in personal attacks, insults, accusations, etc.)
Fear and the “What if’s” that often accompany fearful thinking (may result in depression, anxiety, and sleepless nights)
What if instead, I focus on the following thoughts:
I might think about how I might speak graciously (Col. 4:6)
I might consider how I can genuinely show care to another person (I Thess. 2:8)
I might desire to speak/behave with wisdom and make the most of whatever opportunity might be before me (Eph. 5:15-16)
I might focus on building another person up (Eph. 4:29)
When I look for what is good, right, honorable, and positive, I come away with more gratitude and more energy.
Today:
Can you think of ways to put less junk food in your brain? Spend less time on certain social media sites?
Is there a book or other resource that you could greatly impact the positive food you could add to your brain?
If You Want to Be an Excellent Minister (or any other kind of church leader)
Some of the best ministers I know avoid behaviors that are immature and un-Christlike. Any minister who wishes to experience genuine joy and effectiveness in ministry should avoid the following:
Immature/irresponsible behavior. When church leaders are irresponsible in what they say or how they act, they are basically wasting their influence and the credibility they might otherwise have.
Attempting to lead beyond your competence. As a church leader, you can get into trouble by pretending you always know what to do. Others actually put more confidence in us when we are willing to learn, grow, and develop.
Using manipulation to get your way. A minister can attempt to manipulate favorite elders or groups within a congregation in order to get his way. Some even play upon the good heartedness of other church leaders by appealing to the old adage, “It is easier to get forgiveness than get permission.” Resorting to self-serving manipulation is no way to model Christ-like behavior.
Relating to others in a thoughtless and rude manner. Far too many church leaders have made remarks in a moment of anger that were curt and abrupt. Some have even resorted to a cheap laugh at another’s expense. Mature ministers will consider whether or not this is how we wish to form and shape the church.
You and I are called to do our ministry in a manner worthy of our calling. After all, our aim is to please God. We “speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts” (I Thess. 2:4). We understand our high calling and refuse to resort to any manner that is beneath this calling.
The challenge:
Will I respond to others with mature and responsible behavior instead of immature, irresponsible behavior?
Will I continue learning, even acknowledging that someone else may know more about the subject than me?
Will I be straightforward and above board, not resorting to manipulation in order to get my way?
Will I relate to others in a genuine, transparent manner when relating to another?
Etcetera - Listening and Reading
See this interesting article, “Audiobooks: Every Minute Counts” in Public Books (October 5, 2022).
Been listening to “Gelka - Eau Rouge pt. 1” as I write. Very good!
Read Catherine Pearson’s, “How to Make, and Keep, Friends in Adulthood” in The New York Times, October 1, 2022.
I have been reading Edward De Bono’s, Six Thinking Hats (1985). This is not a new book but it is a book I wish I had read a long time ago. Very helpful!
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Share this post