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The List of Five
When Ordinary People, Like Us, Are Called to be Brave
Life is often hard. You and I know this. Yet, the challenge for us typically lies in the specifics. When are you and I challenged to be brave?
Facing incredible pressures at work and and yet wanting to navigate these pressures in a Christ-like manner.
Starting the day each morning with chronic pain and attempting to go about your day without complaining, even though it is very hard.
Loving your adult child even when his/her behavior breaks your heart.
Dealing with aching loneliness and grief after your husband’s death, even though most people around you don’t seem to understand.
Continuing to serve the congregation as a minister even though you feel burned out and exhausted by it all.
When I reflect on particular years of my life, there have been some times when I have been so discouraged — deeply discouraged. Sometimes this discouragement occurred in times of disappointment with a particular person, at other times it was a challenge in the congregation I happened to serve. During some of these times I would be filled with self-doubt. On more than one occasion I said aloud, “What’s the use?”
The following quote from British theologian and historian, Sarah C. Williams, has been very meaningful to me. She writes these words after the tragic loss of her child (Perfectly Human, p. 80).
Courage is not the absence of fear and despair; it is the capacity to move forward confidently trusting the maker of the heavens to cover us with the shadow of his mighty hand even if the sky should fall.
Bravery is not about flexing your muscles or speaking with great bravado. Rather, bravery is the capacity to keep on going, even when it might seem impossible. After all, our power is not in ourselves but in Christ (Phil. 3:10-11). Our sufficiency is in him. Paul says that he has even learned a real contentment in him (Phil. 4:10-14).
As Paul reflects on his ministry and its challenges he says that we are like “. . . fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves” (2 Corinthians 4:7).
Now at times, he certainly experienced trouble:
8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you. (2 Corinthians 4:8-12)
Yet, Paul continued to serve, trusting in God who raised the Lord Jesus. He affirms what God has done in Christ and our future hope in him that lasts forever. As a result, he can say “That is why we never give up” (2 Corinthians 4:16 NLT).
You and I can move ahead by depending upon a bravery given to us by God. He enables us to move forward as we confidently trust in him to supply us with the stamina we need.
Are you overwhelmed by financial stress? Today, he will enable you to move forward.
Are you discouraged by the behavior of one of your children? Today, he will enable you to move forward.
Are you dealing with someone who is speaking badly of you, damaging your relationships with others whom you deeply care about? Today, he will enable you to move forward.
Are you tired and exhausted from serving the congregation, with its many difficult issues? Today, he will enable you to move forward.
A Simple Tool That Can Make a Huge Difference
Sometimes you may not know what to do. Yet, if you are like many of us, you may continue to approach the problem in the same way again and again, getting the same futile results.
I was frustrated with one of our children. So what did I do? I raised my voice and began to explain and explain and explain some more. The result? Nothing really changed.
When a similar situation happened again, I did the same thing. Explain, explain, and explain some more. Finally Charlotte said, “I don’t think this is working very well.” Of course, she was exactly right!
On another occasion, I was scheduled to make a presentation in the elders’ meeting. I made my presentation and waited for their response. They were silent and just stared at me. So — I continued explaining and explaining assuming that they just needed more information.
It may be helpful to process these various situations instead of simply repeating our approach each time. A reflective practice, either done by yourself or with another person, can be very helpful toward becoming more effective in these conversations. You and I might ask the following questions:
What worked? On one occasion, I made a presentation to a group of elders that seemed to fall flat until I showed a short video of the proposal. It occurred to me later that what they needed was not more explanation but the capacity to picture or envision what I was talking about.
What didn’t work? I used way too much information and explanation. (This sounds like a reoccurring theme, doesn’t it?)
What might I do differently next time? I could ask a few questions of these people instead of overwhelming them with information and explanation. Or, perhaps I could give them a few examples of how life might work better. Maybe I could communicate how this particular project actually connects with some important values these people already hold.
If You Want Significant Growth Pay Attention to Your Interior Life
We played basketball that day and the game was intense. We were all in our 20s and occasionally played half-court games together. That day, we were playing on a cement court. At one point, during this game, I remember landing on my feet and feeling a sharp pain in my left knee.
The next day, I called my doctor and he sent me to an orthopedic surgeon. I came in for my appointment and they took numerous x-rays. Eventually, the doctor came in with the results of the x-rays and began to explain what he saw. I had torn a ligament that could only be repaired by surgery.
As I looked at my knee, everything appeared normal, except for the swelling. Yet, this swelling and the x-rays told my doctor there was something wrong within the knee.
In some ways this serves as a metaphor for my own life. My exterior world may look pretty normal. Yet, further examination may reveal much about my interior world - my spiritual health.
If my interior world were to be examined what would be revealed?
Are there “hidden” behaviors that have cost you the respect of your spouse or your co-workers?
Is there a contempt for certain people that needs to be brought before the Lord?
Would my heart reveal a rationalization for ungodly behavior because I have been hurt by another?
Is there a behavior of mine that I have rationalized because it is “just the way I am.”
I was in conversation with a church leader. The person mentioned the name of a minister who had served churches for a number of years. He went on to mention some of the fine qualities of this minister. He then said, “Of course, he’s got quite a temper.” He went on to describe relationships that had been wrecked and an influence that had been diminished due to his temper. It really matters whether or not we deal with our interior world - our attitudes, our behaviors, and our rationalizations.
A Few Next Steps
Before critiquing others, I need to first examine my own life. What is there in my interior life that needs attention?
Are there regular themes that keep coming up and perhaps are communicated to me by my spouse or friends? (i.e. - my lack of follow through, my tendency to over-commit, my curt behavior in meetings, etc.)
What is one small thing I could do to move forward in the area that really needs attention?
Consider These Words (Especially for ministers and other church leaders) (1 of 2)
1. Preaching– So many preachers will tell you that it is difficult to preach in this culture. At the same time, many people long for a sense of direction and purpose. This is such a challenge. Let us appreciate and encourage any preacher who takes this challenge seriously. This is not easy.
2. Spiritual formation - Every book, podcast, video, social media all serve to form us in some way. The question is, “What am I becoming?” or “What are we becoming?” Are we intentional about what we are being shaped to be or are we just allowing the forces around us to shape us as they will?
3. Emotional maturity – (Ed Friedman and many others) Learn to function in a way that is not emotionally reactive to people in our congregations. One challenge I faced as a minister was avoiding being enmeshed with some people so that I lose my voice or cut myself off from those who were different from me.
The challenges was in learning to (a) Stay connected (b) Remain calm and (c) Get very clear about what I believe and what is important to me.
4. Family/marriage – How well were you prepared for what you would deal with as a ministry family? Am I (as a minister or elder) investing in my marriage? Is this a marriage that models joy or are we simply enduring one another while we rear our children and serve this church?
5. Loneliness and isolation – Seems like this is pretty common for ministers at one time or another. I have talked with very few ministers who at one time or another have not faced loneliness and isolation. At such times, it can be tempting - very tempting - to look for emotional get-aways (these can come in the form of an affair, pornography, drugs/alcohol, etc.) These are never solutions. Rather they typically lead a person into an even larger or deeper pit.
Etcetera - Thoughts/Reading/Listening
I watched this story below. A community rallies to help two boys. I was teary-eyed at the end. With so much apathy and chaos in the world, this was refreshing.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
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