(Unsplash - Tim Mossholder
The List of Five
Critical Step: Continue to Learn into the Future
Early one morning, I was about to meet an older, more experienced minister for breakfast. He was a guest speaker at a ministry conference in a nearby city.
I was a young husband, father, and minister. I had met this person briefly and he was gracious enough to spend this early morning hour with me. I had carefully thought through a few questions that I wanted to ask.
You and I may be most alive when we continue to be curious about God, life, and other people. We may be most alive when we are learning. We can ask questions. We can listen. We can think.
As a young minister, I knew I had much to learn. Every sermon series, every family crisis, and every discussion reminded me there was more to learn. Often, I learned that an issue or subject was far more complicated than I previously thought.
In those early years, I began a practice of intentionally learning from others. I would ask for a conversation, perhaps coffee or lunch, and come prepared with questions. These conversation partners included business people, community leaders, a social worker, a school teacher, a professor, a coach, and many ministers. What I learned through these conversations has been invaluable.
The following are a few examples of these men and women:
Spoke to a retired dean and college professor. I wanted to learn how this person approached life and work. I was particularly interested in how he remained cheerful, well into retirement.
Spoke to an older businessperson who at one time experienced a great degree of success and notoriety. However, as a young man, he made a series of poor choices that cost him greatly. He admonished me to have different priorities than his. He shared with me how he had lost his way.
Spoke to a labor union representative in an area of the country that was severely impacted by economic woes. He spoke of the effect of this hardship on people. One of his union members had been arrested for breaking into a house and stealing. The man stole meat from a freezer to feed his family. He had lost his job and felt desperate.
Spoke with an older couple regarding an issue with one of our children. Their children were grown and they even had grandchildren. We asked them numerous questions regarding navigating the middle-school and high-school years.
Today, I still continue this practice, though not quite as frequently. No matter the age, you and I can continue learning. Yes, we have learned some valuable lessons, however it is important that we continue to learn. Regardless of age or life’s work, we can learn by simply being intentional and humble. For me, this practice has been a critical step toward staying fully alive.
Is there one person in your life from whom you could learn something of value?
Make Your Morning a Time of Intention
Early each morning, I begin my day with coffee, my Bible, and prayer. Yes, there are other practices which I find helpful, however, time in my Bible and prayer are the two most important. And - of course coffee! (Often Peet’s Major Dickson’s blend)
The following are five things I attempt to do each day. Each day . . .
. . . I want to be intentional about the object of my attention. Am I fully present with others or am I glued to my phone? Sometimes I give far too much attention to things that do not matter. Can you relate to this?
. . . I want to make someone else’s day better by my presence or my words.
. . . I want help lighten someone else’s load. Perhaps I can look for a practical opportunity to be helpful.
. . . I want to brighten someone’s day with a smile. Life is often hard and a smile can make someone’s day brighter.
. . . I want to encourage another. So many people experience road blocks, obstacles, and various challenges. Some feel very alone. A word of encouragement can be significant.
What would you add? You may have a very different list. If we were having coffee this morning, I would love to see your list.
Choose to Become More Gracious
If you want to stand out in this world, try becoming a more gracious person.
Across the culture, you can find angry, outraged people. Some may seem ready to cut you off because you don’t agree with them.
In contrast, a gracious person embodies the grace of God. These are not the people who with their snarky comments put down others. These are not the people who seem to always find fault.
Rather, these are people who live out the beauty of grace. They embody grace.
Gracious. Perhaps this word might be reserved for people who recognize they have been given much. Such people approach others much like God in Jesus - full of grace and truth.
So what is a gracious person?
A gracious person is slow to take credit and quick to lavish praise. This person looks for opportunities to affirm and bless. He lavishes praise on those who are often taken for granted. A gracious person is slow to remind others of his own success.
A gracious person never seeks to embarrass another. Humiliating another is not in this person's vocabulary. She does not say something to embarrass another and then try to escape responsibility by saying, "I was only joking." A gracious person receives no pleasure in seeing someone else squirm in discomfort or embarrassment.
A gracious person thanks others regularly. Are there several people you need to thank today? Is there someone you could thank by e-mail, a phone call, or even in person?
A gracious person doesn't monopolize the conversation. Do you tend to go on and on with your story? Or, do you spend time and energy asking another questions and expressing interest in that person’s life? If you are in conversation for an hour, does this time reflect a healthy give and take or is it dominated by your own voice?
I once witnessed a group in conversation. A facilitator was present, in part to make sure that no person dominated the conversation. I noticed one man who appeared to be unhappy. Often, he dominated conversations but with the facilitator present, he was not allowed to do so.
A gracious person doesn't play "one-upmanship." ("That's nothing. You should have seen what I did!") A gracious person is not threatened by the attention someone else is getting.
A gracious person pays attention to people. Sometimes people come away from such conversations saying, "He made me feel like I was such an important person.”
A gracious person desires to say what is appropriate. She doesn’t feel compelled to express a momentary thought or impulse. There is no redeeming value in emptying one's mind of whatever fleeting thought has landed at the moment.
A gracious person looks out for the comfort of others. "Would you like a cup of coffee? What about a Coke? Can I get you a newspaper while I'm out?"
A gracious person understands that he is not indispensable. Some people desire constant attention. They have a way of steering most any conversation toward themselves. Yet, there is humility in realizing that you are dispensable.
A gracious person constantly points out the good she sees. Maybe you are visiting a friend who lives in another city. Instead of pointing out the inadequacies of your friend's community, you call attention to what is good. "This cafe has outstanding peach pie!" "I just love the fountains in this city." Gracious people look for good wherever it might be found.
Christian people are to speak and embody grace. Some people have been put off by Christians who speak of God’s grace and then treat others with an ungracious spirit. Grace makes people gracious, not mean. When Christians are mean-spirited or rude and manipulate people, their profession of grace carries little credibility with others.
On the other hand, gracious people model a life that is compelling and attractive. What is an upcoming situation in which you would like to model graciousness?
Street Smarts (Especially for ministers or church leaders) - Part 2 of 2
Early on in a ministry with a congregation, get to know the strengths of the congregation. Ask various people in the congregation, “What are the strengths of this group? What does this church do well?” Ask: “What is important to this congregation” Learn what these people seem to value.
Be curious. Be genuinely interested in these people and the story of this congregation. How did they come to know Jesus? What is the story of their faith journey?
Know that upon entering a congregation, people will often tell you various details about their lives. They may not bring up these details again. “Yes, we moved here after my divorce” or “My husband died suddenly two years ago.” Listen intently and later make notes. Otherwise, these details may become a blur within a short time.
Credibility has to be earned. A seminary degree may sometimes help get you in the door. Credibility, however, has to be earned through serving and loving these people. Pray that God will help you see opportunities to do this in practical ways with the congregation. Know that it takes time to earn credibility with a congregation but through foolish, sinful behavior this can be lost quickly.
Be down to earth in preaching/teaching. Many people will appreciate this. Say something that is helpful or encouraging. Beware of using seminary language (words that only people who go to seminary would know). Work on clarity. It can be frustrating for people to leave church on Sunday morning not sure about what the preacher was saying. Finally, know that many people will more likely listen to what you have to say if you demonstrate a willingness to “get your hands dirty” through practical service.
Reading and Listening Resources
For several weeks, I have been reading Colin Powell’s book on leadership, It Worked for Me. An interesting book in which Powell reflects on his career and principals he has learned.
Stephen R. Holmes and Jonathan Woods (St. Mary’s College, University of St. Andrews), “Andrew Fuller’s Soham Farewell Sermons: Context and Text” in Baptist Quarterly 2020, Vol. 51, No 1, 2-16.
I love his remarks regarding ministry:
This is a great work and requires great power, great love, great patience! . . . He must have great love he that will undertake to carry on this work must have to carry it on in spite of oceans of ingratitude. . . . Yes, he must have the resolution not to forsake his work.
3. Finally, I love this video from Steve Hartman. A blind boy’s dream:
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #62