Welcome! In this issue . . . What is the conversation you are avoiding? . . . What is one very important question you are asking yourself right now? . . . Three simple phrases that can make a big difference . . .
The List of Five
(Unsplash - Priscilla Du Preez)
What is the Conversation You Are Avoiding?
He had a real scare in the hospital emergency room. Fortunately doctors managed to stabilize him. There appeared to be some kind of heart issue. Days later, he was released from the hospital.
Some time afterward, I inquired about his health. I assumed he had been under the care of a doctor, perhaps a cardiologist, to address whatever was wrong. I was not expecting this reply:
“I never went to the doctor after getting out of the hospital. I’m not interested in hearing what he has to say. He’s going to tell me to eat better, lose weight, and exercise more. Who wants to hear that?”
Yet, the problem with his health was still present. He chose, however, to avoid the conversation with the doctor who would talk with him about life changes he would need to make.
Some of us may attempt to navigate life by avoiding certain conversations:
The struggling student who refuses to ask her professor for help.
The married couple who avoid discussing certain topics regarding their marriage.
The parents who ignore serious warning signs in their teenage son’s behavior. Instead they choose to say, “He’s a good kid. It will all work out.”
Will you and I really move forward by avoiding critical conversations? Maybe these conversations might make a significant difference? Could we actually be limiting our growth by not addressing the very issue that has long given us problems?
Consider the following conversation questions:
What is the conversation I need to have with God? (Have I been far more worried about my image than whether or not my life is pleasing to God?)
What is the conversation I need to have with my spouse? (Do I simply need to put aside my pride and apologize?)
What is the conversation I need to have with my children? (Might they be confused by the way I have compartmentalized my life?)
Can you point to a particular conversation that you have been avoiding? Or, can you point to a potential conversation that could be a game changer for you?
An Important Question that Could Make a Significant Difference in Your Life
Remember when someone asked you a question about life, marriage, or children that really made you think? Pondering a great question can cause you to think and perhaps even behave differently.
One question I have been asking myself lately is this: “What kind of person do I want to be in 24 months?”
Now of course, there is nothing magical about 24 months. However, I am conscious of time passing in my life — even the next 24 months. Being aware of time passing can bring some perspective to decisions I make this week — even today.
Today matters.
Your attitude. Your decisions. Your choices.
What kind of man (or woman) will you be in 24 months? You will be probably be the sum total of your attitude, your decisions, and your choices.
This question is one that I am living with right now. As I fast forward my life to June 2024, what kind of person would I like to be at that point? If this is to be a reality, what do I need to do intentionally today, tomorrow, or the next day?
As I think about the kind of person I want to be, these words by Thomas Aquinas offer some clarity (Book of Common Prayer):
Give me, O Lord, a steadfast heart, which no unworthy thought can drag down; an unconquered heart, which no tribulation can wear out; an upright heart, which no unworthy purpose can tempt aside. Bestow upon me understanding to know you, diligence to seek you, wisdom to find you, and faithfulness that finally may embrace you.
Finally, consider this wonderful quote from poet Jane Kenyon (thanks to Austin Kleon for this reference):
Be a good steward of your gifts. Protect your time. Feed your inner life. Avoid too much noise. Read good books, have good sentences in your ears. Be by yourself as often as you can. Walk. Take the phone off the hook. Work regular hours.
This question can be a difference maker. What kind of person do you want to be in 24 months? The honesty and clarity with which I answer this question could make a huge difference in the everyday decisions I make today and tomorrow.
Three Simple Phrases That Can Make A Big Difference
Lately I have been reading a little book by Rod Wilson entitled, Thank You. I’m Sorry. Tell Me More.: How to Change the World with 3 Sacred Sayings. Wilson is a psychologist and former president of Regent College in Vancouver, B.C.
I mention this book because it has helped me become more conscious of the power of these important phrases in my own life. The wisdom in this book is refreshing. This is the kind of book whose importance could be easily overlooked. This is not a simplistic book but rather a way of functioning each day that can bring life and healing to relationships. The application fits marriages, families, work settings, and church life.
From a paragraph on the back cover:
In this collection of short, story-driven readings, learn how ingratitude, stubbornness, and disconnection destroy relationships, and take note of the habits and attitudes that give life and show love. Saying “Thank you” reveals that we recognize the way others impact us. The phrase “I’m sorry” acknowledges the way we impact others. When we say, “Tell me more,” we affirm the way we impact each other.
Wilson acknowledges that much of the culture is focused on entitlement, victimization, and individualism.
As a result:
Some may rarely, if ever, say “Thank you.” (After all, if you are entitled to something, why would you say, “Thank you?”)
Some may rarely, if ever, say “I’m sorry.” (After all, if you are used to saying “It’s not my fault,” why would you say, “I’m sorry?”)
Some may rarely, if ever, say “Tell me more.” (After all, if your story is more significant than anyone else’s, why would you say, “Tell me more?”)
This book invites us instead to a refreshing kind of life.
We say “Thank you,” communicating our genuine gratitude to someone.
We say “I’m sorry,” communicating our sincere remorse for what we said or did.
We say “Tell me more,” communicating that we really care about another’s life and story.
As I read the book, I thought about my own life and relationships. At times I am way too slow with these responses.
What about you? As a mom, dad, husband, wife - these responses, coupled with the attitudes they reflect, may do wonders to refresh the atmosphere of any home.
(Church leaders/ministers - It is easy to underestimate the importance of this in the life of a church. When ministers and other church leaders model the attitudes these phrases reflect, a powerful opportunity to do good is present.)
What You Can Expect (Especially for Ministers/Church Leaders)
When I began preaching, I didn’t know what to expect. At the same time, I did have some expectations. In the first year or two, I was puzzled. I thought that everyone wanted to live right, they wanted to hear what the Bible said, and they really cared about the congregation and its ministry.
I know. That is pretty naive. A closer reading of the Old Testament, the ministry of Jesus, or the ministry of Paul could have given me a better set of expectations. Nevertheless, these were mine.
I have been thinking lately about some of the realistic expectations you and I can have about our ministries with these congregations:
You can expect God to be with you in your ministry. No matter what, he is a faithful presence (2 Tim. 4:16-18).
You can expect to encounter sin. It will be present in the community, in the congregation, and, yes, in the minister (2 Tim. 2:22).
You can expect to wrestle with discouragement at times. Some discouragement may come due to the sin of others. At times discouragement may be present due to weariness. No wonder Paul encourages us to “Keep your head in all situations, endure hardship” (4:5).
You can expect a broken heart. My first funeral was for a 26 year old woman who died of cancer. Later, I was in the emergency room with a young couple immediately after they learned of the death of their baby in a car accident. You will have a front row seat to unbelievable tragedy.
You can expect to face opposition at times (2 Tim. 2:25-26; 4:14-15). Ministry can bring about deep wounds from such opposition. You may be challenged to live as a “wounded healer” without becoming bitter and cynical.
You can expect to experience joy. The birth of babies. Baptisms. Repentance and life change.
You can expect to hear the tender stories of people in your congregation. They will often tell you what they will rarely if ever, tell anyone else. These stories are sacred ground.
Finally, I love these words by Jessica Hooten Wilson (from a tweet - 5.27.2022) This is so fitting for all of us who would follow Jesus as his disciples:
Don’t be afraid to be who God has called you to be—it may be someone hated; it may be someone anonymous. You may lose in the eyes of the world, but you will be rewarded when our Lord calls your name, 'Well done, my beloved one.'
Reading and Listening Resources
David Brooks has written an excellent article, “The Southern Baptist Moral Meltdown” in the New York Times, May 26, 2022.
Been listening to Mary Lattimore’s Hundreds of Days as I study. Stumbled upon this a few months ago and keep going back. (See the sample of her music within this article.)
Almost finished with Twyla Tharp’s fine book, The Creative Habit: Learn It And Use It For Life. Has really made me think about the creative process.
Also reading Mark Sayers book, A Non-Anxious Presence: How a Changing and Complex World will Create a Remnant of Renewed Christian Leaders regarding this moment in our culture.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #59