I hope this “Encouragement Note” is a positive addition to your week. I would love to hear from you regarding what is encouraging and helpful (jmartin9669@gmail.com).
The List of Five
What Am I Like to Be With?
Suppose you were to stand on a balcony overlooking a small living room. In the room are six people in conversation. One chair in the room is off to the side and empty. From a distance, you watch yourself enter the room and pull up the empty chair to join the group. You sit down and moments later you are part of the conversation.
What if you were given the precious gift of seeing how you actually interact with others. Maybe you began to sense anxiety in this conversation. From the balcony, you see how you react as you experience this anxiety.
I think about my own response to anxiety:
There have been times when my voice got louder and more agitated as I responded to others.
At times, I basically shut down as the anxiety increased.
On other occasions, my tone became curt and abrupt.
You and I interact with various groups. Our marriages. Our children. Our interaction with people at work. At times we interact with groups at church.
Three helpful questions:
How do I manage myself? (Do I bring more anxiety to some conversations?)
Am I self-aware enough to see how my functioning actually impacts others?
Does my tone tend to have a calming effect or do I sometimes escalate a situation even more?
When You Need to Hear Something Good
One of the best things you can do daily, is to acknowledge something good. Yes, you see problems but you also look for and acknowledge the good things.
If we are not careful, you and I could totally focus on what is wrong:
My spouse (his sickness, her depression, his/her financial mistake)
My kids (the energy it takes to raise them)
My church (the frustration with some of these people)
My job (I’m being underpaid for what I am doing)
When we lived in Waco, Tx., I would regularly go to lunch with my friend, “Jay.” Typically, over a plate of Mexican food, we talked about our lives, our work, and our children. My friend is an astute businessman who doesn’t ignore or minimize problems. Yet, he would regularly finish his remarks with, “But the good news is . . .”
The good news may be that the company is projected to have an outstanding fourth quarter. Or, the good news may be that a new employee starts on Monday. Or, the good news may be that we are about to go on vacation. My friend clearly acknowledged “the good news” in most any conversation.
What if I talked about the “good news” today?
“This is wonderful coffee.”
“What a great sandwich! I love the extra bacon.”
“I love the way our church places so much emphasis on children.”
“You did such a great job of making that presentation. Thank you for your effort.”
“I love the care this company puts into the outside appearance of the building. The plants are so attractive.”
“You did such a great job with the sermon. It must be challenging to preach every week. You do this well.”
“This was a great meeting. Thank you for leading us so well.”
Finally:
As my children begin their day, what if I were intentional about saying something good?
As my spouse begins his/her day, what could I say that would be life-giving?
When You Wait for Life to Begin Tomorrow
(Unsplash - Harsh Darji)
Some people are going to get a lot done - tomorrow. You may know someone like this. This person has good intentions, yet the focus seems to be on tomorrow.
Someday, I need to clean out the garage.
Sooner or later, I will have to talk with our son about his behavior.
Tomorrow, I will think about apologizing.
Tomorrow. Someday. Sooner or later.
Maybe we are waiting for perfect conditions. Maybe we think we will eventually get around to doing what we need to do.
So what do I need to say or do today?
Maybe I need to apologize.
Perhaps I need to tell a longtime friend how much he/she means to me.
Maybe I need to send a text, encouraging someone who has been on my mind.
I may need to check-in with one of my adult children to make sure she is ok.
What do you need to do today? I ask myself this question regularly.
I love this paragraph from Maria Popova’s writing:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives,” Annie Dillard wrote in her timeless meditation on living with presence. “Lay hold of to-day’s task, and you will not need to depend so much upon to-morrow’s,” Seneca exhorted two millennia earlier as he offered the Stoic balance sheet for time spent, saved, and wasted, reminding us that “nothing is ours, except time.”
What I Want to Remember from a Valuable Relationship (Especially for Ministers and Church Leaders)
I have been thinking a lot this week about my friend, long-time minister and author, Lynn Anderson. For me (as well as for many others), he was a significant mentor and encourager.
I learned much from him about ministry, marriage, and becoming a Godly person. What I remember:
His love for the Psalms. When he quoted or read the Psalms, I felt as if I was hearing something intimate between himself and God.
His willingness to name the emotion he saw in me and even ask about it. He was also a man who expressed the emotion he felt, whether utter joy or tears.
His deep devotion to his wife, Carolyn, and his children and grandchildren. He often told stories about all of these people, revealing his deep affection for them.
His affection for other people he loved. So often, in conversation with him, he had a way of making me (and so many others) feel significant. As one person put it, he made everyone feel like they were his favorite. He made you feel as if you really mattered. Note the following from the Christian Chronicle:
Don McLaughlin, minister for North Atlanta Church of Christ in Georgia, wrote:
“Perhaps my favorite memory is the way he just wanted to know us. He didn’t want to test us, put us in our place, get us to like him, think like him, or be like him. He trusted Jesus for all of that. He just made you feel like you really mattered. I will always remember him for making me feel that someone like him thought I was worth getting to know.”
His willingness to speak to difficult issues in another’s life. I remember a moment after lunch at the Pepperdine lectures when he encouraged me, as a young husband, to step up and be the husband I needed to be. I was so thankful for his clear but tender words as he spoke to me like a gentle father.
His genuine love and affection for God. It was so obvious in conversation and when hearing him preach.
His compassion. I remember a phone conversation with both him and Carolyn when our (Charlotte and myself) hearts were broken over some sad news in our family. We both knew exactly who we wanted to talk with. He not only listened well but could deeply feel the emotion that we felt.
His captivating stories. He told stories about men and women who did something he admired. This could have been someone from long ago, a person he met in a church somewhere, one of his grandchildren, or an elder serving a church where he had just preached. So often these stories recognized something heroic or admirable in someone else.
His investment in so many people. He invested in many people. I was just one of these. Years ago, I was in several of his mentoring groups. When I began to lead these groups, he communicated his confidence and his pleasure that I was doing this. At the same time, he continued to pour into me something that cause me to desire to grow and mature more.
His willingness to simply pay attention to others. He paid attention to others who may have otherwise been overlooked. I love these words from Oklahoma minister, Mitch Wilburn:
“Lynn was a great, great preacher, but he might have been even better with people. He had the ability in a crowded room … to slow down, stop and make you feel like you were the only one in the room. Just like Jesus.”
Reading and Listening Resources
See Mark Sayer’s podcast, Rebuilders. His recent episodes, “We Have Entered Into a New Phase” and “Institutions Versus Networks in the Grey Zone” are excellent.
Enjoyed reading “How Ray Ortlund Became a Foster Father to a Generation of Church Planters.” (January 24, 2018)
Lynn Anderson’s books have blessed me for years. These include They Smell Like Sheep and Longing for a Homeland.
I listened to an excellent podcast. David French and Curtis Change interview Kara Powell of the Fuller Youth Institute on “Why Are Teens Growing More Anxious.”
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #58