I was pretty low that week. It felt like one problem after the other was stacking up. I was overwhelmed.
One evening, I called my friend “Bob.” We talked for a moment and then he said, “Let’s meet at Barnes and Noble (bookstore) in a few minutes.” We found a place to talk in the coffee shop area. He listened patiently as I poured out my frustrations.
That evening, he encouraged me. Regardless of how your week is going, I hope the following, “List of Five,” encourages you.
(Unsplash - Михаил Секацкий
The List of Five
The Person I Want to Be
What do you see when you look into the mirror?
Some may look into the mirror and get focused on perceived inadequacies, blunders, and a long history of messing up.
Yet, what if you were to look into the mirror and see the many ways you have impacted others for good? What if you were to consider those occasions in which you made a positive difference?
When some speak, their words seem judgmental, harsh, and condemning. Basically, “If you don’t see this my way, there is something wrong with you.” All around us, there seems to be so much intense anger and outrage. Yet, consider the number of men and women who might be refreshed and invigorated by your encouragement. The following words from Philemon 7 are important:
Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.
What a powerful statement regarding the presence and words of another! So what about you and me?
Could we pray for the kind of love that might give another joy and encouragement?
What if this love were used by God to refresh the hearts of His people?
Perhaps what many of us need today are words that reflect patience, kindness, and graciousness. I want to be a person who gives others joy and encouragement. I want my love to refresh the hearts of others.
We can not control the way others speak or behave. However, you and I can be intentional in two areas:
How we listen. What if I attempted to understand another before I speak a critical word regarding what that person said? Am I looking for a kernel of truth in another’s words?
How we speak. What if I spoke to another with the conviction that this person was created in the image of God and is loved by Him? How might this impact my tone?
What if you and I were to each make a list of 5-10 people who need our encouragement? Family members. Co-workers. Church leaders. Someone who has taken on a new challenge. Someone who seems discouraged.
What if we were to pray and then take a small practical action to encourage? This can begin with an encouraging text message or e-mail that you might send someone this evening.
What may seem small can become mighty in the hands of God!
Avoid This Flaw and Your Friends Will Be Thankful
The flaw? Being a know-it-all.
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella believes there are two types of people: know-it-alls and learn-it-alls.
The latter have a growth mindset, always striving to learn more and do better. Meanwhile, the know-it-all attempts to mask his/her insecurity by always knowing better, knowing more, or knowing more accurately.
You know these people. Consider their response to something you might say:
“We ate at the most wonderful restaurant last night. Their fish is amazing!” The know-it-all says: “That’s nothing. If you really want the best fish around you need to go to Doc’s Seafood.”
“Recently, I read a great book on child-rearing. It was so helpful.” The know-it-all responds: “Yea, that book is ok. However, if you want to read the most up-to-date information on rearing children, you need to read Dr. Joe Kid’s book on rearing children. There is no other book like this one!”
“We loved visiting the new museum this week!” The know-it-all says: “That’s nice but if you really want to go to an amazing museum, you need to go to the new one in Atlanta.”
The know-it-alls have a way of diminishing the value of most anything you say.
Consider however, the learn-it-alls. These people are genuinely trying to learn. They are far more concerned with learning and growing, than appearing to know more than others. These people do not put their insecurity on display like the know-it-alls. Instead, they excel in the following:
A learner is genuinely curious about what another has said or experienced.
A learner listens well. He is more interested in fully hearing someone, instead of just waiting for that person to stop talking so he can begin to give his thoughts.
A learner asks very good questions. Clarifying questions. Follow-up questions. Questions which invite another to elaborate or give an example of what is being said.
Bottom line: The know-it-all can absolutely drain the energy out of most any group. On the other hand, a learner can bring energy into a conversation. In fact, a learner can energize the individuals who make up a group.
Are you and I still learning?
Don’t Underestimate the Power of Beauty in Your Life
The human soul is hungry for beauty… When we experience the Beautiful, there is a sense of homecoming. Some of our most wonderful memories are beautiful places where we felt immediately at home. We feel most alive in the presence of the Beautiful for it meets the needs of our soul. For a while the strains of struggle and endurance are relieved and our frailty is illuminated by a different light in which we come to glimpse behind the shudder of appearances and sure form of things.
(Irish poet John O’Donohue)
The coffee shop was small and the coffee was excellent! It was just down the street from the hotel where I was staying. I had flown through the night and was now in Zagreb, Croatia for Mladen Jovanovic’s funeral. Mladen was a dear friend and his ministry was supported by the Crestview Church in Waco, Texas where I preached for many years. Mladen often spoke about the beauty of Croatia. The day of his funeral, I rode with several men from Zagreb to Mladen’s burial place. It was incredibly beautiful (Donji Zagon near the town of Novi Vinodolski in Dalmatia, on Croatia’s Adriatic coast)!
“We feel most alive in the presence of the beautiful. . .”
Consider the beauty you have experienced. When have you felt most alive? Could it be that you and I need to be more intentional about placing ourselves before beauty?
For me some of these beautiful places might include:
The presence of my grandchildren (Brody, Lincoln, Sully, Elsie)
Listening to music that is beautiful. Maybe it is the performer(s). Maybe it is a particular song. In the presence of this beauty, I can be moved deeply.
Standing on the sand in the evening, looking at the ocean which seems to stretch as far as the eye can see. I have many memories of gazing at this beauty, particularly on the Gulf Coast.
Watching the birds in our backyard (humming birds, cardinals, and occasionally a large owl that sits on our fence.)
Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote, “Beauty is the battlefield where God and Satan contend for the hearts of men.” Beauty is powerful and persuasive. When it touches the heart, it brings perspective—it can even inspire the heart to courage.
(Stuart Greaves, “Beholding the Beauty of Jesus” 3/18/20)
What about you? Where are your places of beauty? Do you need to be more intentional about finding places of beauty and enjoying these more? Meanwhile, we gaze at one who epitomizes beauty, God himself.
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
(Psalm 27:4)
Becoming a Much Better Listener
Recently I was on a Zoom call with a young man. At one time he and I were a part of the same congregation. In the course of the conversation, I asked if he could identify someone in his life who was an exceptional listener. He named a person from the congregation whom we both knew. Interestingly enough, this was the very person I had in mind.
Recently, I watched an excellent video entitled, “The Art of Generous Listening” by Krista Tippett. Tippett is known for her incredible interviews that are featured on her podcast, On Being. The following is a paraphrase of a few of her observations:
We learn that listening is to be quiet while the other person says what they have to say until it’s time for me to have the opportunity to say what I have to say. But actually, listening is not about quiet. Being quiet is a side effect. Listening is about being actively present.
Listening involves vulnerability. Yet, today we are so guarded and so clear about what we have to say. We know what we have to present and what we have to protect.
In addition to listening well, is the art of asking better questions. In American life, we typically focus on answers and usually these are competing answers. In addition, some of our questions are really not just questions. Some questions are actually tools or weapons to incite someone, corner someone, catch someone or at least be entertaining.
Perhaps a place for all of us to begin is a genuine desire to be a good — a very good, listener.
Where do you need to begin?
This is the 50th issue of this Encouragement Note. I write this Encouragement note every other week in a effort to encourage someone like you. If you have not yet subscribed to receive this every other Monday morning by e-mail, I encourage you to do so.
Some of the Most Important Information You Might Hear (Particularly for Ministers/Church Leaders)
For years, I have suggested to younger ministers that when beginning a new congregational ministry, it is important to listen closely. These people in the congregation will tell you about themselves. They will often share details about their lives that they may not mention again. Some examples:
“Our daughter ‘Emily’ has been a real challenge at times. However, since she got out of drug rehab last year, she has been like a different person. We are encouraged.”
“We have been members at this congregation for over thirty years. We love this church though I can’t say we are really involved. By the way, you should probably know that our son is in prison.”
“As you know, my husband is one of the elders at this church. He’s not one to say a lot about himself. However, I will tell you that I have never seen him so discouraged. A few people who have been our friends for many years made some accusations about his motives that hurt him deeply.”
“We’ve been married twenty five years and have three children. We hit a rough patch about fifteen years ago. My husband and I were separated for awhile. He was on the road and got a little too close to one of his customers. He eventually quit that job. We are in a much better place now.”
Maybe you are not a new minister in a congregation or you may not even be a minister at all. Regardless, here are a few suggestions:
When someone is telling you what happened, listen for the details. If you miss some of these details, don’t hesitate to ask the person to repeat what you missed. This often shows that you are listening intently.
Listen to understand before you respond. If you don’t understand what was said, ask for clarity.
It is very important that we listen, really listen, to one another. Some conversations probably won’t be repeated. Sometimes people will reveal a few personal details they may never mention again.
Listening matters.
Resources
I listen regularly to Steve Cuss’ podcast, Managing Leadership Anxiety. See this recent conversation with Cary Nieuwhof. Excellent!
Also, Tod Bolsinger (author of Canoeing the Mountains and Resilience) was recently interviewed about the times in which we live. This conversation is very good. See “Forming Leadership Resilience.”
Check out this brief (less than two minutes) video as Beth Comstock interviews Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella, “Why you should be a learn-it-all not a know-it-all.”
See this very fine article on “burnout.” “Burnt Out on Burnout: How to Cultivate a New Outlook on Stress for 2022” by Lauren Valenti, January 7, 2022.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #50