I was driving too fast! It was raining hard, the road was slick, and the car began to hydroplane in the middle lane of Stemmon’s Expressway in Dallas. The car spun completely around, out of control.
I was in college and on my way home from work. That night, I happened to be driving my dad’s car, as mine was in the shop. No damage done, but it sure scared me.
Sometimes things seem to be out of control. Hopefully, the following will be helpful, as you and I attempt to navigate our lives.
The List of Five
What’s It Like to Be a Different Person?
“What has motivated me for so many years to be a writer is the question: What does it feel like to be a different person?” (Elizabeth Strout, WSJ, Sat/Sun, Oct 16-17, 2021, p. 6.)
What does it feel like to look at life and various situations through the eyes of another?
What does it feel like to be a part of a congregation as a single mother with young children? What is it like to walk into a Sunday morning assembly wondering if you will have anyone to sit with?
What does it feel like to be in your 70s or 80s? How will you feel when some no longer see you as a person of value due to your age? What would it be like for others to perceive you as irrelevant and outdated?
What does it feel like to be married but unable to have children? What is Mother’s day like?
What does it feel like to be a part of a congregation on Sunday morning and yet you feel as if you have no friends there?
What does if feel like to be abandoned by your spouse?
I love Elizabeth Strout’s question. “What does it feel like to be a different person?” Maybe we could bless another person in at least attempting to understand what it might feel like to be someone else.
We have lived in several different locations during our married life including: Dallas, Texas; Florence, Alabama; Kansas City, Missouri; Waco, Texas; and Memphis, Tennessee. There are many wonderful people in each of these places. I want to remember that we all have a variety of backgrounds, experiences, assumptions, and beliefs. Consequently, it can be helpful to at least consider, “What does it feel like to be that person?”
Sometimes, while preparing for a difficult meeting, I will look in the mirror. A person in this upcoming meeting is about to see this same image of myself and make certain assumptions. Likewise, I’m sure I make particular assumptions as I look at another. We are all different and perhaps we will not fully understand each other. However, we can certainly attempt to be people who relate to others with empathy. This alone could help change the tone of at least some of our conversations.
Welcome to all of you who are new readers! This “Encouragement Note” is published every other Monday morning. There is “The List of Five” in each issue. I intend for each one of these to be brief, to the point, and hopefully in some way encourage. Typically, the last of the five are resources.
When You Forget Who You Are
Recently, coach Ed Orgeron resigned as head football coach at LSU as the result of both personal misbehavior. Two years ago, his team won the national championship (January 13, 2020). He was on top of the world and now, just a few years later, he has lost his job. One writer said, “He lost track of who he was.”
When I lose track of who I am, I am likely to forget my purpose and mission. While serving as a minister, I had numerous conversations with men and women whose own misbehavior had wrecked their lives. So many said, “I just don’t know what happened.”
Years ago, we lived in Kansas City, Missouri. I was serving a church and we were going through a difficult season. In the process, I felt depleted of significant emotional and physical energy. I felt as if I were in a deep hole and could not get out. I began to see a therapist and received help that made a huge difference. He was a person of faith and conversations were very much tied to my life before God. Seeing this therapist was probably one of the best things I have ever done as an adult. In many ways, he reminded me of my identity again.
You and I can become sluggish, preoccupied with everything in our lives that does not work, satisfy or bring joy.
What if we put our energy, passion, and intentionality into living as followers of Jesus in our work, marriage, and within a community of believers? The following might be a start for the day:
Today, what if I did excellent work for the glory of God? Recently, I had the opportunity to speak to a business class at Harding University. I was asked to speak about leadership. As I looked at these students, I thought about the good they will do as they leave the university and do their work. It was obvious, after just one hour, that a number of them had a real kingdom mindset.
Today, what if I loved my spouse, children, and others with a self-giving love? Refuse to let the flesh entice you to exchange the self-giving love of Jesus for a self-centered existence with your family.
Today, what if I lived as a person fully devoted to the ways of Jesus? You are being formed and shaped into someone who is Christ-like and who is learning to die to self.
Suppose we were make our way into an arena with hundreds of other people for a basketball game. We find our seats. The band begins to play. A nice aroma is coming from the concession stand. There are announcements made over the public address system, and people are dressed in their team sweatshirts and ball caps. There may be much noise and movement. Yet, suppose there is never an actual game? Most of us would not say that we had really experienced basketball.
Meanwhile, one can be in a church assembly each week and completely forget our identity. We can be numb, lethargic, and mind-less as we slump in a pew with our minds and hears far, far way. Yet, we may think that somehow because we are in a church building with familiar songs, words, order etc. that we have actually experienced the transformative, dynamic presence of God among his people.
Could it be that we have set our sight too low and that our aim is off?
Could it be that you and I have forgotten who we are?
What if you and I were to be very intentional about aiming for the very heart of God’s will? Maybe we would have a clear sense of mission and purpose.
Ron Washington is the third base, infield coach for the Atlanta Braves. A few years ago, he was interviewed about how he helps young players develop their baseball skills. He said, “It’s hard to do it right continuously. It’s easy to do it wrong . . . Young kids today when they think they’ve got something, they’ve not as focused on it anymore.”
This statement really caught my attention because I suspect this is true in life for many adults. Sometimes, we think we’ve got something down and we just lose focus. We no longer learn or grow because we’ve got it. Maybe we need to ask simple but important questions like, “What would my life look like today if I took Jesus seriously?”
I am asking this right now as I think about the next chapter of my life.
The Laughter That Heals
She sat in the back seat as Charlotte and I drove to a church building. We were all going to a small country church building outside of Florence, Alabama to attend the funeral of a parent of one of our friends from church. As we drove to the funeral, the young woman in the back seat was telling us about her family. She was the only child of a couple and she had grown up in another congregation in the county.
She told us about her father. There was hesitation and pain in her voice as she talked about him. She then told us about a demeaning name that he called her. She had struggled with her weight as an adolescent and he teased her about this. Her father at times would refer to her as “lard bucket.”
I was stunned.
Charlotte was sitting in the front seat. She turned around and began to affirm this young woman, telling her that she did not like this insulting name used by her father. She replied by saying, “Oh, he was just joking.” Joking?
There is humor that can humiliate, shame, and destroy another’s sense of self-worth. It can leave a deep wound. This happens of course while the perpetuator hides behind the childish defense that she/he was “just joking.” In other words, “I’m not responsible for what I said or how you feel. I get a pass.”
However, there is humor that gives life, that blesses, and has a way of making the heart glad. This kind of humor can bond others through mutual enjoyment. Some may laugh at themselves or a funny story. Such humor is never at another’s expense.
Years ago, Charlotte and I knew a young woman who had the practice of clipping cartoons from newspapers, magazines, and most any source she could find. She posted many of these on her refrigerator. She explained that she needed to laugh. I think she was on to something good.
Maybe you and I can be people who spread joy and laughter. Now wouldn’t this be refreshing?
Follow Jesus but Refuse to Accept Average
But God inflames the soul with a burning craving for absolute purity. One burns for complete innocency and holiness of personal life. No man can look on God and live, live in his own faults, live in the shadow of the least self-deceit, live in harm toward His least creatures, whether man or bird or beast or creeping thing. The blinding purity of God in Christ, how captivating, how alluring, how compelling it is! The pure in heart shall see God? More, they who see God shall cry out to become pure in heart, even as He is pure, with all the energy of their souls. (Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, p. 65)
Ministers, elders, and other church leaders sometimes get bogged down in the muck and mire of “doing church.” At times, we may completely forget the mission and purpose for even being a church.
Ministry can become focused on the next meeting, hours on social media, and paying endless attention to the structure and organization of the church. While some of it may be necessary, “doing church” is not what keeps us alive as God’s people, or as a congregation.
It is critical that ministers, elders, and other church leaders regroup, recalibrate, and recenter. Only when the living God is at the center of our existence individually and collectively will we lead and preach with fire in our bellies! Only then will both our words and our lives be compelling.
I don’t know about you, but I find that most folks don’t expect to dazzled at church every Sunday. Nor, are they simply wanting to be novel. Rather, what so many people in congregations simply want is life — the life that is found through Jesus.
As a minister and/or a church leader, or any other beliver, may you and I not be distracted or discouraged.
Resources
From the podcast, Undeceptions (John Dickson), here is an excellent conversation regarding the significance of friendship. You can find the transcript here.
I am reading Jon Tyson’s book, Beautiful Resistance. Tyson, a pastor in New York City, writes about being the people of God in a secular world. Very thoughtful.
James Clear wrote the following in his October 28, 2021 newsletter. I really like this!
"Your time is better spent championing good ideas than tearing down bad ones.
The best thing that can happen to a bad idea is that it is forgotten. The best thing that can happen to a good idea is that it is shared.
Feed the good ideas and let bad ideas die of starvation."
Reading Water from a Deep Well: Christian Spirituality From Early Martyrs to Modern Missionaries by Gerald L. Sittser (2020). I haven’t finished this book yet but what I have read has been excellent!
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
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