“So what am I supposed to do?” I have asked this question to myself, many times. Sometimes the concern has been related to being a husband, a father, a minister, or just a person trying to do the right thing. The following “Encouragement Note” is written for anyone who is simply trying to navigate life, both in times of joy and in times that are very hard.
(Joshua Earle - Unsplash)
The List of Five
Your Best Thinking or Your Worst Fears?
Kathleen Smith has written a very helpful article entitled, “Four Questions to Help You Turn Off Your Anxious Autopilot.” This article is based on four helpful questions one might ask when dealing with anxiety.
If you’re not paying attention to your anxiety, what will happen?
Some of us, when anxious, cut off those whom we blame for the anxiety. Or, we might focus on the “what if’s” instead of being present to deal with the situation as it is today.
How would you like to be more responsible for yourself today?
Smith makes several suggestions. One of these is the willingness to have an important conversation, “even if it makes you nervous.” (I cringe when I think of the times I have put off a significant conversation simply because I was anxious and dreaded the conversation.)
How would you like to be less responsible for others today?
One suggestion is to simply allow others to be anxious. Contrast this with the desire to fix someone or to assume that we must remove their anxiety. She also suggests that one can take less responsibility for others by simply sharing your own thinking instead of trying to convince others that you are right.
What would be the evidence that you were functioning less anxiously?
Finally, she gives several examples of how a person might function less anxiously. For instance, one can follow “your best thinking, even if it requires some discomfort.” This is far better than reacting to another’s anxiety or allowing your own anxiety to determine your course of action.
Kathleen Smith makes a wonderful comment at the end of the article:
The hard part is embracing (or at least tolerating) the stress of taking yourself off autopilot. Over time, people learn that this discomfort is manageable. Because nothing beats the relief of living life guided by your best thinking instead of your worst fears.
This Week’s Hope
The 20th anniversary of 9/11, coupled with the many other crises, can easily leave most anyone feeling overwhelmed. These times are so difficult to comprehend and can bring about a sense of hopelessness and futility. Yet, Scripture breaks through and reminds us that our hope remains.
A few words from Psalm 31:
We find refuge in the Lord. “In the Lord, I have taken refuge. . . “ (31:1) “. . . be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.” (31:2).
We find mercy in the Lord. “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.” (31:9-10)
We find strength and hope in the Lord. (31:24)
Mary Churchill, Winston Churchill’s daughter, wrote the following in her diary during WWII as she observed people in London ( Erik Larson, The Splendid and the Vile, pp. 236-237):
I cannot find words to describe my feelings about it. I only know I am moved to a greater and wider realization of the suffering war brings. I only know that I have learnt more about human suffering & anxiety than ever before.
O God, be with the homeless and anxious
I have seen so many worried & sad & lost expressions— & a great deal of courage & optimism & good sense.
You may at times experience sadness and a loss of direction. At other times, you may experience courage and optimism. Regardless, our hope is in the Lord.
Desiring Help as a Strength
I was in my professor’s office. There were stacks of papers and books throughout the office. I had driven from our home in Florence, Ala. to Memphis (3 hours) to turn in a paper that was due (yes, this is prior to e-mail). I gave the paper to Dr. Slate and walked to the door to leave. I realized that I didn’t have my car keys. We both began looking for my keys throughout his office. At one point, he was on his hands and knees on the floor of his office looking for these keys. Suddenly, I had an unpleasant thought. I had stopped by the restroom before walking into his office. Surely I didn’t leave them there. . . .
I excused myself and raced down the stairs to the restroom. Sure enough, my keys were next to the sink. Embarrassed, I went back to Dr. Phil Slate’s office and sheepishly told him where I had found them. That was decades ago.
Not long ago, I had lunch with this same professor who has long been retired. I hoped he had long ago forgotten this!
Yet, that day, when I lost my keys, I needed his help.
About fifteen years ago, I was at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport preparing to fly to Memphis. I was on a tram which would take me to the terminal where the plane would depart. As the tram moved along, a lady standing nearby said to me, “I haven’t flown in forty years. I’m eighty years old and richly blessed.” She said, “I’ll bet you don’t meet many people in their eighties who brag about their age.”
Then, a few minutes later she said, “I hope I’m not intruding, Sir.” I thought she probably wanted to ask me something about the airport. She went on to say, “Your shoe is untied.” She then said, “I didn’t want you to fall.” I smiled and said to this older woman who was looking out for my welfare, “I need all the help I can get.”
Whether looking for lost keys or being informed of a loose shoestring, I need the help of others. As I think about my life and work, I have been very dependent on the help of others.
I have sometimes needed the help of someone who believed in me, especially when I started to doubt myself.
At times, I have been blessed by simply hearing another person speak words of hope instead of cynicism and futility.
On a number of occasions, I have valued the help of someone whose thinking and perspective helped me become a better person.
I have been inspired and encouraged to live as a disciple of Jesus by others who were serious about living the transformed life.
Some of us believe that to ask for help is a sign of weakness, or in some sense a reflection of inadequacy. Instead, it is a sign that you are serious about your growth, your development, and your commitment to maturing.
Maybe, it is time to ask.
Where Important Things Happen
Can Important Things Happen in Unimportant Places? (I first heard this question from my friend Harold Shank.)
When I look in the mirror, I see ordinary. I have spent many years serving in congregations that I perceived to be ordinary. Almost eight years in Florence, Ala. Three years in Kansas City, Missouri. Twenty years in Waco, Texas. I served as a minister in these ordinary congregations in ordinary communities. These were good years and good congregations. However, on occasion I would hear about seemingly important congregations in important places and would tell myself, “It must be nice to be doing important things in important congregations.”
Important was elsewhere. Important was someone else.
Can important things happen in unimportant places? Yes! Important things can happen in villages, towns, and cities. However, important is not based on location. Important can simply mean that your work (at home or the office) honors God and is an expression of your love for God and others.
It could be that your life and work (and mine) is far more important than we might think.
Resources
Cary Nieuwhof’s recent podcast conversation with John Mark Comer was excellent! See: “Why We Believe Lies About Freedom, Sex, Truth, and Culture . . .” Much of this was centered on Comer’s new book, Live No Lies. (Thank you Brett C.)
I recently read a nice piece, “Learn to Stop Making Sense” by Christian Bergman, September 9, 2021. (The Centre for Faith and Life)
See this interesting article by Gabriel Robare, “On Handwriting: The Value of Slow Words and Slow Thoughts” in the Princetonian, September 7, 2021.
An excellent article in the Wall Street Journal, “A Day of Grief and Human Glory” by Peggy Noonan, September 9, 2021. This article is her reflection on the 20th anniversary of 9/11.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #41