Each “Encouragement Note” reflects what I have been thinking over the last few weeks. More than anything, I hope this list of five encourages or enriches you in some way. Please share this with a friend if you find this helpful.
(Leonel Heisenberg - Unsplash - Charleston, S.C)
The List of Five
How Do I Receive Another’s Question?
I have listened to at least five different podcast interviews in the last few months featuring Chris Bosh, a former NBA star (13 years) and a two-time NBA champion. The interviews were about his NBA career and his new book, Letters to a Young Athlete.
The people interviewing Bosh could have been very intimidated. After all, Bosh had quite a career. Recently his #1 jersey was retired by the Miami Heat. He has been selected for the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame Class of 2021.
I have been impressed with Bosh’s graciousness on these podcasts as his interviewers often know very little about basketball (such as the podcast with author Tim Ferriss). Tim Ferriss candidly admitted that he knew very little.
Tim Ferriss: All right, the four. This is where I’m really going to embarrass myself. Here we go, so I’m going to make a confession. I was reading through the research. I was reading about your bio. I was watching videos. And I thought to myself, this might as well be in Greek. I can’t even begin to imagine what these terms mean, half of them. So I went to the people are going to love this. So I went to Wikipedia and I looked up basketball. I was like, let’s just start there. And just to be clear, I do watch basketball. I appreciate — I mean, I clearly don’t follow it very well. But I can appreciate the athleticism, I understand what a three-point shot is. I understand what a jump shot is, layup, slam dunk, et cetera. Some of these terms I actually do know.
But I realized that I did not know the positions whatsoever. And so I just want to read something and then we can dive in. This is from the Wikipedia entry on basketball, folks. Yes, feel free to laugh.
All right. First of all, I do know this, five players on each side, it turns out. All right, so the five players on each side fall into five playing positions. The tallest player is usually the center. The second tallest and strongest, the power forward. A slightly shorter but more agile player is the small forward. And the shortest players or the best ball handlers are the shooting guard and the point guard, who implement the coach’s game plan by managing the execution of offense and defensive plays (player positioning).
Informally, players may play three on three, two on two, one on one. Then I’ll just add this because I was like, “What? Really?” Invented in 1891 by a Canadian-American gym teacher, James Naismith —
Chris Bosh: Naismith, yeah.
I am impressed by the way Bosh answers. He doesn’t answer with a sense of self importance or the presumption that he is doing his interviewer a favor by appearing on the podcast. Instead, he cheerfully answers the questions, patiently explaining some aspect of basketball that he knows the host is not familiar with.
Bosh seems to put the interviewer at ease. He creates a safe environment, which is one of the best environments for learning.
Have you ever wanted to ask a question but you hesitated because it seemed elementary? Or, perhaps you did not ask the question because you assumed that everyone else knew the answer. (Maybe I am the only one who has done this.)
Perhaps you have hesitated to ask a question because you have heard someone respond to someone else’s question with, “You don’t know what that is?”
Sometimes it can difficult to ask questions about the basics. In fact, it can be difficult to be a beginner.
Two takeaways:
I want to put others at ease when I communicate and when I receive their questions.
I want to create a safe environment where others can ask questions that may seem elementary and yet not fear that their question might be judged as silly.
Years ago, I taught a Wednesday evening Bible class at our church. Afterward, a woman approached me to ask a question. Bible classes were new to her. She had not grown up going to church. She said, “I have some questions about the Bible. For example, how come no one in the Bible has a last name? They talk about John, James, or Mary but never mention their last names.” We talked about this for a few minutes. I thought about how much courage it must have taken for her to ask such a question at a church where so many seemed to know much about the Bible.
In that conversation, my response (including my facial response and tone) was critical if she (or anyone else) would continue to ask such questions, even those that might seem elementary.
What Do I Do With These Children?
The following are ten thoughts about rearing children. Perhaps some of these will be helpful. Please keep in mind that I am still learning.
Be gentle with yourself as a parent. Rearing a child is the hardest work I have ever done.
Know that being a parent means that you will probably experience great joy. However, this also means you will probably experience some pain - sooner or later.
Children (regardless of age) need your attention. Yet, some children may feel as if they must compete for attention with their parents’ phone, social media, etc. Undivided attention given to our children is an important gift.
Parents who focus on getting their children to like them are traveling down a dead-end street. Focus on loving them and giving them what they need.
Pray for them - regardless of their age. If mom, dad, grandparents are not praying for them, who is?
Know that children can be wounded - deeply wounded by words that are mean, cruel, demeaning, etc. This doesn’t go away by saying immediately afterward “I was just joking.”
Your love for your wife/husband deeply blesses your children.
Encourage your children. Look for what they are doing that is right and good. This doesn’t mean you don’t correct them or deal with misbehavior. However, you can always give hope.
Your children may think for awhile that you know most everything. After awhile, they may think you know very, very little. Know that neither one resembles reality. Yes, you have learned many things. However, it is also true that you (hopefully) continue to learn.
Focus on giving them what they absolutely need from you. Be careful about wasting your words and life on things that don’t really matter.
What Helped Keep Me Alive
I served a church in Kansas City, Missouri for just under three years in the early 1990s. We loved living in this beautiful city! Saturdays were often spent exploring a different part of the city or a nearby town. At the same time, this was a very difficult period of time for me as a minister. Unfortunately, the challenges of my ministry often left me discouraged and flat.
Looking back, I am so grateful for ways in which I grew and developed while serving this congregation in Kansas City. While staying alive emotionally and spiritually were real challenges, there were certain things I did which helped sustain me.
Regular breakfasts with a new friend, a police captain with the Kansas City Police Department. (He was not a part of our congregation.) I learned so much about the city from these conversations.
Regular lunches with my friend and fellow minister Chris Bullard. Chris introduced me to so many authors and books in the area of spiritual disciplines. Even now, I look on my bookshelf and see books that I purchased from Steel’s Used Books after a lunch with Chris.
Time spent with a Christian therapist which helped me learn to function much better than I had been previously. This was incredibly helpful!
Auditing numerous classes at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. From these classes, rich relationships with several professors were formed.
Regularly spending time in different environments in order to learn.
Drinking coffee with a local rabbi who was very generous with his time. This was a time to ask questions and listen.
Doing my work in coffee shops in various parts of the city. This was an opportunity to listen and pay attention to new environments.
Spending my lunch hour, one day a week for ten weeks, at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art listening to community lectures on the history of western art. The presenter was engaging, resourceful and told stories that made this history come alive.
Many years later, I still need to be intentional about my growth and learning, regardless of my age and experience. Paying attention to my growth has helped me navigate the various chapters of my life. j
The Kindness of Strangers
I was particularly drawn to the video above as a child speaks about the meaning of kindness from a “stranger.”
I include this video because we live in such a hostile climate. Shootings, fights, and endless quarreling are almost everyday occurrences. So much of this is captured live on video for all to see. Meanwhile, conversations between those of opposing political parties can hardly take place without questioning motives.
I watched this video several times. There is something so refreshing about kindness. In this story, it is the simple kindness of a stranger.
Perhaps through you and me, this could multiply.
Resources
Just read Andy Couch’s “After the K-Shaped Recovery” (May 17, 2021). Thoughtful in a difficult time.
I recently read “The Secret to Building Resilience” from the Harvard Business Review. The authors are Rob Cross, Karen Dillon, and Danna Greenberg. (January 29, 2021). This is a very helpful article as the authors discuss how to bounce back from setbacks.
Just started reading Peter Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. I have read most of Scazzero’s books. They have blessed me!
If you are a parent needing a word of encouragement, see Raising Kids In A Time Such As This. This is a powerful article about the opportunities facing us as we raise children today. (Thanks to Charlotte for pointing me to this.)
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
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