Tired? Weary? Discouraged? If these words resonate with you, you have plenty of company! These words may describe your life at work, at church, as a married person, or as a parent. The following “Encouragement Note” may be helpful and hopefully encouraging.
Each issue offers “The List of Five.”
The List of Five
A Prayer for Sunday Nights
(Take away: One can feel alone, and yet God reminds us of his forever presence through his Spirit)
Tonight, Lord, I am alone.
Little by little the sounds died down in the church,
The people went away,
And I came home, Alone.
Sunday nights. . . . When I was growing up, our family went to the Pleasant Grove Church of Christ in southeast Dallas. We were at church every Sunday evening. Afterward, we would typically go home from church to eat leftovers from lunch and watch television.
Later, after I began preaching, I would learn just how lonely Sunday nights can be.
When we first married, I preached at a congregation about an hour away from where we lived in North Alabama. When we finally got home on Sunday evening, I often felt down and discouraged. Sometimes I didn’t know why. Other times, I would rehearse a rude comment made by someone after Bible class that morning or a perceived failure I had experienced in preaching. Many ministers and other church leaders know what it is to feel very blue, down, depressed, etc. on Sunday night. Many can probably relate to the lines in the prayer above.
This poem, “The Priest: A Prayer on Sunday Night” was written by a French priest, Michel Quoist (b. 1921—d. 1997). This poem is from Quoist’s first book, Prayers, published in France in 1954. He writes this poem specifically about the priest, who unmarried, goes home alone each Sunday evening. However, many ministers, regardless of marital status, have experienced feeling very much alone as they attempt to carry out their ministries in their congregations.
Perhaps you (whether you are a minister, businessperson, parent, etc.) can relate to these lines:
It’s hard to always give without trying to receive.
It’s hard to seek out others and to be, oneself, unsought.
It’s hard to suffer from the sins of others, and yet be obliged to hear and bear them.
It’s hard to be told secrets, and be unable to share them.
It’s hard to carry others and never, even for a moment, be carried.
It’s hard to sustain the feeble and never be able to lean on one who is strong.
It’s hard to be alone.
Maybe one of the best things one can do is to be intentional about friendships. Simply having a friend to call, contact, and walk with occasionally can be so helpful. But Christ-followers also keep in mind the promise of God that he will never leave us or forsake us (Mt. 28:20; Heb. 13:5). In fact, the indwelling Spirit is God’s forever presence in our lives (Jn. 14:15-17). Christian people can feel very alone — but there is one who promises that we are never alone.
If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you. I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can’t take him in because it doesn’t have eyes to see him, doesn’t know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!
(Jn. 14:15-17 - The Message)
When You Feel Weary
(Take away: life can leave a person feeling tired and weary. Yet, we can be intentional about our own self-care)
Gordon MacDonald tells of a time when as a child he was traveling with his family on a dusty deserted road in Canada. It was late, and the family had been traveling the entire day. They were lost, tired, and becoming irritable with one another. They could not find a motel, and the few cabins they did see had “No Vacancy” signs in the window. The trip had begun with excitement but all of that had worn away as they pushed ahead thinking that down the road somewhere, there had to be a place to sleep. McDonald writes:
I have often recalled the feelings and frustrations of that late-night, dark-road experience whenever my life seemed to momentarily turn into a mindless or spiritless journey crammed with events (not experiences) and contacts (not relationships). In such confounding periods my sense is that one feels like my family did that night in Canada. Where is all of this going? What does it mean? And, how will I know when the destination has been reached? Why has this exciting trip suddenly turned into a wearisome journey? Where will I find tranquility again? (Gordon MacDonald, Restoring Your Spiritual Passion, pp. 7-8)
Finally, they located a cabin. On the horizon they saw a sign that read, “Weary Travelers Welcome, Vacancy.”
Soon our family is in a small cabin. Our irritabilities are quickly dispelled; we lie down to rest, and soon we are asleep. The weariness of that day that had deflated our enthusiasm for a vacation trip drains away in the nighttime hours. The next morning parents and children will rise again, the prospects and the passion for a continued journey brighter than ever. The night is forgotten. (MacDonald, Restoring Your Spiritual Passion, p. 219-220)
So what might add value to your ministry (whether on staff with a church, a businessperson, a school teacher, etc.)? What can be helpful when you are tired and weary?
Stay connected with a few life-giving friends. You know who they are. You feel better just for having talked with them. Who do you need to call today?
Pay attention to your body. My body needs sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet. In a highly anxious time, this is critical. I also need to pay attention to my body because this is typically where anxiety shows up. Steve Cuss, in Managing Leadership Anxiety, says “Anxiety generally starts in either a racing mind, a spinning heart, or a tightening gut” (p. 42).
Focus on today. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is in the future. Take the next right step, today. Sometimes you and I can get overly focused on the obstacles that are frustrating or on the exasperating behavior of others. In the midst of this, we can become completely overwhelmed. Lay one brick at a time. You can only control how YOU might lay the next brick.
Be kind and gracious to yourself. “If being hard on yourself was going to work, it would have worked by now” (Jamie Smart, The Little Book of Clarity).
Some of us are so hard on ourselves. The judgement and critiques are in and these often come from our own hearts. No matter what we do, we condemn ourselves for not being enough. Then the same old accusatory messages begin to come. “What’s wrong with you?” or “I need to try harder.” Perhaps one of the best things we could do is to simply be as kind to ourselves as we might be to another person.
With the loving mercy of our God,
a new day from heaven will dawn upon us.
It will shine on those who live in darkness,
in the shadow of death.
It will guide us into the path of peace.(Lk. 1:78-79 - New Century Version
Ask Better Questions
(Take away: there are certain questions that can give us energy as opposed to the questions which are often depleting and draining )
Some people spend much of their time and energy, blaming and complaining. There were seasons of my life in which I blamed and complained far too much. I blamed the elders, the congregation, the economy, the community, etc. Sometimes I would complain. Far too often, I blamed and complained, usually to my wife.
A few years ago, I read QBQ: The Question Behind the Question by John G. Miller. In this little book, I began to think about the importance of asking questions that gave me energy, invited personal accountability, and which helped with my maturing. Basically, they were questions like the ones below. Notice how these questions are framed. Today, when I am tempted to blame or complain, I try to remember the power of reframing these concerns.
“What can I do to improve this situation?” (p. 23)
“How can I adapt to the changing world?" (p. 31)
“How can I better understand you?” (p. 32)
“What can I help move the project forward?” (p. 46)
“What can I do right now?” (p. 83)
“How can I make a difference today?” (p. 83)
“What can I do to show that I care?” (p. 102)
Where To Invest For More Resilience
(Take away: I can’t over emphasize the importance of developing resilience. Take note of the three suggestions below)
This happened on Wednesday of last week. A road crew had been doing its work and someone decided to park a piece of heavy equipment in front of our mailbox. Later he returned and accidentally demolished our mailbox within seconds. There are days when I have felt like this at the end of the day. Wiped out.
Life can be exhausting! Right now — these last three months have been exhausting. I have been paying more attention to my own resilience. How will I move on? How will I bounce back? One morning, as I got out of bed and began my day, I noticed I was feeling more anxious than normal. Watching too much media had not helped (COVID-19 deaths, racism, injustice, and riots in American cities.) For me the question is, “how do I nurture my own capacity for resilience?”
(The following comes from an article by Chris Adams and Matt Bloom, “Flourishing in Ministry: Wellbeing at Work in Helping Professions” in the Journal of Psychology and Christianity 2017, Vol. 36, No. 3, 254-259). Also see this website - WorkWell.
If you are in business, a minister, or in any high-stress profession, it is important to develop your capacity for resilience. Resilience is the capacity to push on in spite of setbacks, to push on in spite of hitting a wall, and to push on in spite of discouragements. Adams and Bloom suggest three important resilience capacities:
Self-awareness - “the capacity to step back from the flow of life to notice what we are feeling, thinking, and doing.” Self-awareness is to be aware of what is happening within you so that you are not simply infecting other people with your anxiety or allowing the anxiety of others to infect you.
Self-reflectivity - “the ability to examine and think about our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, especially in terms of whether or not they are appropriate, good, helpful, or otherwise positive for ourselves, other people, and the world around us.” We reflect on how we responded and whether or not it was helpful or not so helpful.
Self-control - “this is our capacity to change things in ourselves and the world around us.” We make a decision to be a less anxious or calm presence. We decide how we are going to show up with other people.
I have found this very, very helpful in my work, ministry, and relationships. Perhaps this will be helpful to you.
Remember What Counts
(Take away: there are numerous ways in which the church may be called to respond to the racial crisis. This needs to begin by remembering our identity in Christ)
What a year! - 2020
A deadly virus. 112,000 deaths (at this writing) in the USA alone (thousands of these in nursing homes). Weeks and weeks of being quarantined (though many continued to work in hospitals, grocery stores, etc.) Many of us watched this story each day as the virus spread across the nation.
There are other stories. The shooting of a young African-American man on a neighborhood street in Georgia, in broad daylight. A horrible scene in Minnesota with a 46 year old African-American man, George Floyd, being murdered by police. All of this is so wrong and inexcusable on so many levels.
The killings that took place in Georgia and Minnesota are not new. However, these are on video.
Today, there are protests in cities throughout the nation (actually, throughout the world). In many cities there are riots with chaos, destruction, violence, and death.
May God help us all!
Christian people remember their baptisms. In my baptism, I surrendered to Jesus. I became a Christ-follower. He is Lord. He is the one in whom I am to find my identity and in whom I am to surrender in obedience.
The two greatest commandments tell us to love God and love neighbor. Yet, these are also the two commandments that often give us so much difficulty.
We are called to love God (instead of the seductive idols we are so attracted to).
We are called to love our neighbor (instead of seeing some people as objects for which we may use, abuse, discard, or have little regard for).
We are called to love the Lord our God and to love every person created in his image. No child, no man, no woman, is someone who can simply be seen as an object.
One thing we can’t do. We cannot simply look the other way. Jesus taught us this long ago.
In congregations, what really matters right now is remembering who we are and who we've been called to be. Seeking to please others will only leave us prideful, confused, and a sinful mess.
May God have mercy on us all.
Each Friday/Saturday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other church leaders as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
Jim Martin serves as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find him at God-Hungry.org. His e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful.
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