Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #18
You may be facing a particular challenge or a troubling concern. This may relate to your family, ministry, or business. I don’t pretend to know what this might be. I do know that most of us are simply trying to navigate life. We are doing the best we can to take the next right step. Those of us who are Christ-followers desire to please him in the steps we take. At the same time, we recognize that we desperately need the power and strength that comes from the Spirit.
Hopefully the following list of five will be helpful.
The List of Five
How Can You Have a Good Week?
I was a minister in my late 30s. We were living in Kansas City, Missouri where I had been serving a congregation for about a year and a half. On this day, I was sitting in a therapist’s office in the Plaza area of the city, talking with him about some depression that I was experiencing.
He asked me about my week. I told him that I had a wonderful week! Why? A well known preacher from Nashville called and asked me to speak to the key leaders in his congregation. Consequently, in that moment, I felt valued, validated, and worthwhile. On the other hand, I often felt defeated because of the way some members of the congregation were behaving. I took this upon myself concluding that if I were a better minister, they would not behave this way. This therapist then asked me a question that I still remember decades later.
“Jim, what if you could have a great week that was not dependent on what anyone else said to you or how they valued you?”
At the time, I don’t think I could even imagine this. However, I am grateful he asked the question. It was a the beginning of a breakthrough.
Far too many of us find our worth in something other than God’s grace. We passively depend on something external to happen in order to have a good week. Or, we cling to our title, our role, or a past accomplishment hoping that someone will see that we consequently have value.
The reverse is also true. Typically, I have been harder on myself than any critic I’ve ever had. Old messages such as “You don’t measure up” can easily become the script for the day. When this happens, I may find myself working hard, not to serve God, but to prove my worth.
Yet, the truth is, you and I have great worth and value. Our worth and value were given to us by God (Psalm 139).
As a person of great worth and value, consider the following:
You can take the time to exercise, take a nap, watch a ball game, play with your children, etc. You don’t have to accomplish something every minute of the day.
You can affirm your own work, your effort, and the value you are bringing to people. Now perhaps the people in your family, congregation, or business affirm and appreciate who you are, as you serve them in some capacity. Or, they may be silent and say nothing.
Recently, I read through two journals that date back to when I was a young minister in my late 20s. As I read through these journal entries, I was struck by how often I wrote that I needed to work harder, try harder, and do better. There was little or no affirmation from myself for what I was doing.
You can acknowledge that you are doing the best you can today. There is so much to be said for this. Far too often, we extend everyone else grace but not ourselves.
Take a hard look at how you are functioning and how you perceive your own value. How might this impact your schedule, what you choose to do with your time, and your sense of well being?
Choose to Do What Enlarges You Instead of What Diminishes You
You may find value in these words by author Austin Kleon, “Choose to do what enlarges you instead of what diminishes you.”
My behavior and my words really do have a role in shaping and forming me. Of course, in this culture, the emphasis is often focused on my right or freedom to say or do what I want. Yet, I do need to consider the impact of my speech and behavior on my own formation. I am becoming. The question is “what?”
Am I often curt and abrupt with people when I am frustrated? Do I use my words to manipulate and get my way? Are my texts and e-mails snarky and full of subtle (or not so subtle) put-downs? Do I have “secret” habits or practices that I am clinging to?
These behaviors impact the way I am shaped or formed as a person. I am operating out of my flesh, carefully protecting my own self-interest at the expense of another. Unfortunately, some of us have concluded that being “right” (doctrinally, theologically, politically, etc.) allows me a pass to set another straight, even with an unholy contempt. Choosing to behave in these ways will only serve to diminish me and make me smaller.
Contrast this to choices that enlarge my character and my practice as a disciple of Jesus. What if I choose love? (I Cor. 13:4-7; Eph. 5:1-2)
I can choose to forgive instead of always having to point out where another is lacking.
I can choose to assume the best about another’s motives until I learn differently, instead of quickly assigning the worst possible motive to another. I can disagree without expressing disdain or contempt for that person.
I can choose to show empathy for another with whom I might differ, attempting to identify with this person’s feelings.
What kind of man or woman do I want to become? Do my words or actions reflect this? Do they enlarge the kind of person I want to be or do they reduce me into someone smaller and diminished?
Start with the ordinary and with things that seem small. This may be something as simple as thinking about the words in the text or e-mail you might be writing. This really matters.
What to do With Your Anxiety
You have the most power to really make change by focusing on yourself, especially your own presence and your own functioning.
One of the best questions you might ask is this: "Where am I dumping my anxiety?" Some of us become so anxious that we may dump it in the wrong places. When I was growing up, I vaguely remember an occasion when a dump truck dumped a load of sand on the wrong driveway. Not good and quite a mess.
So where might you sometimes dump your anxiety? Some may dump it on a spouse, their children, the minister, the friend who you are frustrated with, your child's teacher, the elders at church, your parents, your boss, etc. As a result, we don’t function any better or any calmer. We simply spread our anxiety.
Consider these two questions for the week:
1. Does the tone and volume of my voice add to the joy in my home or do I tend to ratchet up the anxiety even more?
2. Does my spouse/child/grandchild hear me speak words of tenderness and joy? Or do they mainly remember that I seemed to complain all day?
Life is hard -- very hard sometimes. Yet, I want to walk with God through the anxiety and difficulties (Mt. 5:25-34). I want to trust him. I want to pray instead of being so negative. I want to complain less. I want to look for the good in my day. I want to thank God for every good gift. After all, I am entitled to nothing. He is a God of grace.
Is this difficult? Absolutely! At times life is very difficult. Maybe it is just me, but I really have to stay on top of this. I really don't want the people who have loved me so well to hear a lot of complaining and blaming. You and I can be thankful today, as a work in progress, that God in his grace, not only forgives but enables us to be the kind of man or woman he wants us to be.
(You might read the guest post, “4 Ways the Pandemic is Negatively Impacting Your People” by David Kinnaman of the Barna Group. He writes this as a guest writer on Carey Nieuwhof’s website. The article does a good job in describing some of the anxiety that we are dealing with right now.)
You May Find Great Value in This
The following are 15 insights about life from 80 year old minister and author, Gordon MacDonald. He shared these in a recent podcast interview with Carey Nieuwhof. Each one made me think.
Put the people you value most into your calendar first.
Pastors, your family is the Lord’s work. Live like it.
Never stop learning and growing!
If you want to do what you’re called to do, you need to keep growing.
Be more a priest and less a preacher to people.
A preacher is a one-way conversation, but a priest is a dialogue. Be more like a priest to the people in your life.
The time will come when you will have to relinquish titles and privileges and slip into obscurity. Ultimately the obscurity of death.
What kind of an old person do you want to be? Plan for it.
Prepare yourself for those occasions. When, you, like most people, suffer, fail, fall into doubt, face conflict and experience loss.
Disappointments and doubts will come into your life. Sometimes Satan wins a battle, but he will never win the war.
Be trustworthy and dependable. A person who keeps his or her word.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Your integrity relies upon it.
Be a spiritual mother or father to teachable people who may someday inherit your responsibilities.
The next generation needs what you have to offer. Don’t withhold it.
Live modestly, stay free of debt. Be generous, develop a financial strategy for your future, and be wary of those who try to buy your favor.
The way you handle your money is one of the ways your congregation judges you.
Expect to reorder your internal life once every 7-10 years.
Life goes through basic definitional changes in 10-year increments. The way you think about life will need to change with these things.
Receive compliments, criticism, and counsel with humility and appreciation. Avoid whining, complaining, self-pity. Assume that there is at least a grain of truth in the things critics say about you and your work.
Always in a conversation, look for the grain of truth. Everybody has something God has planted in them for you.
Stay alert for the evils and temptations embedded in institutional life.
Every relationship has its flaws. And good leadership is “assuming that there are flaws in this organization, and I must always be aware of when they might show themselves and what I as a leader would do to bring it under control.”
Be quick to say with sincerity, “Thank you.” “Well done.” “I’m sorry.” “I forgive you.” And, “How can I help?”
These are the five inner core transactions in all relationships. None of them can be missing if you would like to have a healthy relationship. Always look for the thing you can find in another person that’s worth praising.
Always maintain a relationship with one or two mentors who can aid you in hearing God’s voice.
Over the course of a lifetime, he has probably had over 100 mentors that have left their wisdom with him (edited by JM)
Master the art of asking the penetrating questions that open someone’s heart.
You know that you are asking penetrating questions when you get responses like: “Boy, you really ask good questions.” “Wow. Nobody’s ever asked me that before.” Or, “I’ve never thought about that.”
When you get those kind of responses, this person is welcoming you to a place that’s near to their heart.
Retreat to the cross regularly. Express your appreciations. Name your sins. Pray for the world. Listen to God’s call to do things that are bigger than you.
This point eclipses all other points on this list.
Which one of these fifteen really made you think? Is there one in particular that might impact your practice? As I read this list, I thought about some of you who regularly read this newsletter. What might your own list include? I would love to hear from you.
Resources
See this excellent podcast with guest Steve Cuss — The Leader’s Journey Podcast. I particularly like this quote:
“Anxiety spreads in a group and typically the most anxious person in the room holds the most power. Effective leaders know how to see this happening and know how to manage themselves when this happens.”
This quote is a succinct reminder to me that my response to an anxious person in a group does not have to add to the anxiety but can be thoughtful and intentional.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Tell me more about this! Expect to reorder your internal life once every 7-10 years.
Life goes through basic definitional changes in 10-year increments. The way you think about life will need to change with these things.