Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #99
Good questions can add much to your life . . . The daddy I want to become . . When you get everything you want . . . Secrets of ministry (Especially for ministers & church leaders) . . . Etcetera
(Unsplash)
The List of Five
Good Questions Can Add Much to Your Life
You and I can spend a lot of time and energy on questions that may not be the most important questions:
Some are preoccupied with their image. How do I look?
Some are preoccupied with their success. How can I win?
Some are preoccupied with their possessions. How can I own the biggest, the best, the newest, the exotic?
Meanwhile others grapple with questions that get down to the very essence of what it means to be a human being.
The question of character. What kind of person am I becoming? Who is shaping and forming me?
The question of legacy. What do I want to be known for at the end of my life?
The question of learning. At this stage in my journey, what do I need to learn next?
(Thanks to Walter Wright and his book Mentoring which helped me think about this.)
For a Jesus-follower, each one of these questions intersects with our relationship with Jesus.
For example:
What about my character? Do my finances, my ethics, and my use of time reflect that I am being shaped and formed into a Christ-like person?
What about my legacy? Am I more concerned with what others may think of me (my image) or am I more concerned with how I might behave even when no one is looking (my character)?
What about my learning? No doubt I have learned much. However, am I still learning?
Brave men and women lean into the life they were called to live. This takes tenacity and grit. This also takes the power of the Spirit who will enable and empower us to become a Christ-like person.
What may help is asking some of the right questions. These are questions that have been helpful and formative for me. Perhaps they will be helpful to you.
The Daddy I Want to Become
I have learned much about being a daddy. Yet, I still have much to learn, particularly about being a dad to two adult daughters.
I can point to many young dads who are doing a terrific job with their children. The dads whom I am especially impressed with are those who are intentionally discipling their children to Jesus. More than anything they want their children to love, honor, and follow him in each area of their lives.
One of the most powerful ways a dad impacts his children is by the way he treats their mother. Little boys and girls learn much from watching and listening to their daddy. These impressionable children have a front row seat to witness how a Christian dad values and cherishes their mother.
Yet, some boys and girls may grow up seeing their daddy do the following:
They hear their daddy talk to their mother in a way that is condescending and dismissive. (“How many times do I have to tell you? Can’t you remember anything?”)
They witness their daddy use them to manipulate their mother. (“Don’t tell your mother that we stopped here on the way home.”)
They see their daddy laugh as he belittles their mother to others (“She’s not the brightest person in the world. Sometimes, she doesn’t get it.”)
They witness their daddy treat their mother as if she were of little worth. (“There must be something wrong with you. No one else thinks like you.”)
Such behaviors are not strong or manly. Instead, these words and behaviors reflect weakness, insecurity, and self-absorption. Any man that treats the mother of his children like this is small and immature. Such a father squanders the opportunity God has given him to disciple his children. Instead of helping these children, such a father becomes an obstacle to overcome.
I would rather talk about the dads I know who are taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to invest in their children. Their children get a front-row seat to witness life-enriching and life-affirming behaviors:
Their daddy speaks to their mother with tenderness and affection. He obviously cherishes her.
Their daddy lives as a servant toward their mother, instead of being self-absorbed. He serves her, refusing to live a self-centered life.
Their daddy builds up and affirms their mother. He looks for what is good in her. He keeps his eyes open so that he can catch her doing something right.
Their daddy speaks of their mother with great value. He obviously esteems her.
This is the kind of daddy I want to be. What about you?
When You Get Everything You Want
Former NFL quarterback Johnny Manziel, played for two seasons before his NFL career ended. He spiraled down over those two years due to alcohol abuse and a series of off the field scandals.
Recently Manziel said (New York Post, February 1, 2024),
I had every single thing that I could’ve ever wanted. You have money, you have fame, you’re a first-round draft pick battling for a starting quarterback position, and when I got everything that I wanted, I think I was the most empty that I’ve ever felt inside.
Manziel is simply articulating a very common view of life. Many believe that if they could have all they wanted, they would finally be happy.
I remember a season in my life when I focused on what was lacking. I thought that if only I could have what I wanted, I would finally be fulfilled. Maybe I would even be happy. Yet, this was no guarantee that I would escape the feeling of emptiness.
Today, there is much that brings me great pleasure and joy. My list would include: my marriage, my children, my grandchildren and my friends. I am thankful for them all.
My best life, however, is my life in Christ. This is the life I have gained by losing this life and following him.
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save their life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? (Mark 8:34-36)
What makes me whole and complete as a human being is the very life of God, found in Jesus himself (John 10:10).
In the end, you and I will gain more than “the whole world.” You and I gain the best life ever, a life that is in Christ.
Secrets of Ministry (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
At times, ministry is incredibly lonely. You may be ministering to very good people. You may have good elders. Yet, you may feel as though no one really understands what it is like to be in your role. The pressure. The emotional toil. The constant hyper-critical critique by a few. You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and experience loneliness.
Sometimes, as a minister, you may feel taken for granted. You receive few “thank you’s” or expressions of appreciation. It is not that you have to receive appreciation. (And yes, you are aware that many people receive little if any appreciation at their places of employment.) Yet, occasional public expressions of appreciation by the elders or other significant people in your life would mean so much.
You may not be as strong as you might appear. To some church members it might seem that you are an “expert” Christian. “You’ve got this down!” Some may think that you don’t have struggles, temptations, challenges, etc. like normal people do. Yet, you experience so many of the same challenges, same temptations, and same struggles that others experience.
Ministry can bring such joy and yet it can bring such pain. There is so much joy that one can experience in ministry. Most ministers I know can look back at moments in congregations where they served that were very satisfying. Yet, ministry can bring pain. One elder or another church member who continues to question your motives and is hyper-critical of your work can bring about much pain.
At some point, I have experienced or felt each one of these over the last four decades. These are all very real.
At the same time, I am so thankful to have had a front row seat as I witnessed the power of God at work.
God at work in a baptism.
God at work as husbands and wives genuinely forgive one another.
God at work as children are discipled by their parents and the church to become Jesus followers.
God at work in preaching, teaching, serving, and sharing what we have been given with others.
As I list these, I can think of names and picture the faces. For this, I am thankful.
Etcetera
I have been re-reading some of Frederick Buecher’s autobiographical books. I recently began Now and Then. The book opens with his days as a student at Union seminary and concludes with his decision to be a full-time writer.
This is such a good conversation between Russell Moore and Kate Bowler on suffering. See the video here.
Right now I am reading Tom Brokaw’s book Never Give Up: A Prairie Family’s Story. It is the story of his roots, his family in South Dakota.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging — Jim Martin