Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #87
When you are tired . . . Refuse to stop living before you die . . . One of the best birthday presents ever . . . 3 important challenges in ministry . . . Etcetera (resources for listening & reading)
The List of Five
When You Are Tired
There are seasons when I am tired - tired to the bone. There may be times when you and I can say with the psalmist, “I am weary from distress” (Psalm 57:6 NLT).
I wonder if the following might be true for you at times.
You may be tired from dealing with a difficult person.
You may be tired from dealing with a frustrating, difficult situation either in your family, at work, or in your church.
You may be tired from dealing with an ongoing, hard situation.
You may feel as if you are using your energy, your effort, and the hours of your life to deal with a hopeless situation. This hopeless situation could be your ministry, your work, or just feeling as if a relationship is stuck.
One night, I left a very difficult elders meeting about 9:30 PM. I stopped at the first red light. The intersection was deserted. I slammed the palm of my hand onto the steering wheel and yelled aloud to an empty car, “I hate this.” I didn’t hate those elders. I didn’t hate being a minister or serving this congregation. What I hated was being stuck in what seemed like an endless loop of frustration. I was tired.
Maybe you have come to the place where you are very tired.
You can’t remember the last “thank you” from your boss.
You feel taken for granted by a friend, someone in your family or a co-worker.
You may be a minister and feel as if you are in a no-win situation with someone in your church.
The truth is, you may never receive a “thank you” from your boss, elders, supervisor, etc. You may not receive the appreciation you would like.
When I feel this way, it helps me to read particular Psalms which have nurtured and enriched me.
For example, Psalm 73 is a wonderful reminder of the faithfulness of God even when we are weary. At one point, the psalmist felt as if his life had been in vain (73:13). However, eventually, when he entered the sanctuary of God, he came to a new awareness of God’s presence and work in his life.
Hear the words of this psalm which is a gift to you and me today:
God is always with me and holds me by my right hand (73:23). He gives me security.
God guides me with his counsel (73:24). He gives me direction.
God will afterward take me into glory (73:24). He gives me destiny.
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (73:26). He gives me strength.
Perhaps you, like me, need to hear these promises again.
For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing (Jeremiah 31:25)
Refuse to Stop Living Before You Die
I knew this man.
He was alive and vibrant throughout his 30s. He seemed to grow and connect with others in a meaningful way. He smiled and laughed often.
Yet, something changed in his 40s. He became inactive and far more sedentary. He seemed less willing to explore and learn. He began to talk about getting “old.”
When he was home, he spent much of his waking hours sitting in his recliner. Day after day, he sat in that recliner, mindlessly watching hours of television. He watched 24 hour cable news; endless congressional hearings on C-Span; old sitcoms; etc. Hours and days went by with much of life spent in that chair.
Of course, there are women and men who seem to live vibrant, meaningful lives until they die. Yet, for many of these people, life is anything but easy. Some have family struggles and health challenges. Yet, these people seem to be fully alive.
So what can a person do to stay fresh all of his or her life?
Start your day intentionally. Think about the tone you are setting for the rest of your day. The 19th century minister, Henry Ward Beecher, said “The first hour of the morning is the rudder of the day.” This is so true. You and I set the direction of our day by what we do that first hour.
Build rhythm into your life (Luke 4:40-43; 5:15-16; 6:12-13). Many people have no rhythm at all. Rather, they respond to every distraction (Facebook, Twitter, texts, e-mail, for example) that comes their way. People with rhythm understand that they must determine the priorities in their lives and manage their energy, or the distractions will consume them.
Practice the spiritual disciplines to help shape your spiritual formation. There are numerous spiritual disciplines available and various resources that might be helpful getting a better handle on this. However, two very important disciplines are prayer and Scripture reading. (See this fine book for more information regarding helpful spiritual disciplines — Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices That Transform Us by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun.)
Keep learning and be curious. Stay humble. Yes, you probably know a lot but at the same time, you can continue learning. This alone has helped me with my attitude and energy.
Invest in your family – even if they are grown. There is something life-giving and transforming about serving one’s family.
Be aware of your own emotional maturity. Some of us carry emotional baggage from the past into our marriages and the church. Grappling with these issues can take time, but ultimately can bless your relationship with your spouse and children.
Be a good steward of your body. Fatigue and exhaustion impact our emotions, thinking, and general well being. Do something, even what might seem small, that might contribute to your health.
What about you?
What kind of husband or wife would you like to be in ten years?
What kind of parent or grandparent would you like for your kids or grandkids to experience?
What kind of woman or man would you like to be?
What choices do you need to make so this will more likely become a reality?
One of the Best Birthday Presents Ever
I had a recent birthday and received an amazing gift!
My friend, Josh Kingcade, the Senior Minister at the Preston Rd Church of Christ in Dallas had requested a Zoom meeting. The meeting was scheduled and I looked forward to meeting with him. However, I got on the Zoom call at the designated time only to discover that thirteen other ministers/church leaders from across the country were present.
For the next 45 minutes, each person gave a birthday greeting, expressed love, and said something gracious and specific about our relationship.
This was a sweet moment and a precious gift, which I will remember for the rest of my life. A number of these guys have been in our home, either in Waco or Memphis. Some have been a part of mentoring groups. Some I have coached some through problems or challenges in their lives or ministries. Still others brought back memories of conversations in coffee shops, over lunch, or on the phone.
As each one spoke, I was overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude. I have learned so much from these ministers and church leaders. At the end of the call, I expressed my love for them and my confidence in them. Today, it gives me great joy to see them walk with God and invest in others.
Thank you Josh Kingcade (Dallas, Tx.) who organized this sweet moment. Thanks also to all who were on this call: Eric Gentry (Memphis, Tn.); Bob Turner (Memphis, Tn.); Allan Stanglin (Midland, Tx.); Ray Vannoy (Leander, Tx.); Jason Reeves (Rockwall, Tx.); Charlie Johanson (Austin, Tx.); Phil Brookman (Edmond, Ok.); Garrett Best (York, Neb.); Wesley Hargon (Birmingham, Ala.); Jody Garner (Longview, Tx.); Scott Meyer (Temple, Tx.); Jordan Hubbard (Waco, Tx.); and Jeff McMillon (Tulsa, Ok.).
The moment left me immensely grateful for each of these guys. Their gift left me both humbled and encouraged.
I am encouraged by the various people who have poured something good into me. What person has poured something good into you?
I am encouraged by those who have come alongside me. Who has been a faithful, encouraging friend to you?
I am encouraged by those who I have invested in. I think of a few like Will W., Josh S., James R., and many others. Who have you poured your life into?
Three Important Challenges in Ministry (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
The meeting was about to begin. Both elders and ministers were present. There was some light chatter. The meeting began.
The chairperson, was navigating the conversation. Within thirty minutes, the conversation in the room took on an air of anxiety. One elder spent ten minutes talking about the various families who have left the congregation. Meanwhile, a minister seemed to focus on the various limitations in the congregation due to scarcity (money, time, people, etc.).
What was interesting was the impact of these two voices on the energy and the tone in the entire room. Some seemed hesitant to speak. A few dominated the conversation. One minister attempted to make a proposal. It was met with an awkward silence. A few people seemed disconnected emotionally from what was happening in the room.
What I have described is not a particular congregation. This same scenario has been played out in many, many congregations.
The question is: How do I want to show up in my ministry? How do I want to show up in the congregation or with the elders? How do I manage myself?
Desire to be aware. I want to be aware of my principles, values, and beliefs. I want to learn to be calm and to share the facts and acknowledge the losses. I want to be aware of my humanness and God’s power. I want to be aware of my feelings and my thinking.
Suppose you are in an elders’ meeting. A certain elder begins to speak. Did you notice that you immediately became tense as he began to speak? Are you aware of your anxiousness? Or, do you find yourself suddenly speaking curtly and abruptly, not even realizing that you are responding out of raw emotion? What if you were to acknowledge to God that you are anxious and that you need his strength in that moment?
Choose to stay connected. I want to show up with others, be fully present and emotionally connected. I want to spend time with God and come away with a greater awareness of my thinking, my principles, and my faith. I don’t want to be enmeshed (demanding sameness from everyone). Nor, do I want to be disconnected (keeping emotional distance from everyone else in the room).
Choose to remain calm. Know that your demeanor can impact an entire group. By the grace of God, I want to manage my anxiety. I want to learn to keep my cool when criticism comes my way. Peter Steinke said (Uproar: Calm Leadership in Anxious Times, p. 50-51) “Anxiety is there. Yet, now that it is where I can see it, I can keep an eye on it. I won’t let it slip back into unconsciousness.”
Etcetera (resources)
I am reading an old biography of J. Gresham Machen written by Ned B. Stonehouse. The book, “J. Gresham Machen: A Biographical Memoir” has been a rich book.
If you are interested in reading more about the principles mentioned in “Three Important Challenges in Ministry” (above), you might read, How Your 21st-Century Church Family Works: Understanding Congregations as Emotional Systems, Second Edition by Peter Steinke or Managing Leadership Anxiety: Yours and Theirs by Steve Cuss.
Arthur Brooks has written an interesting article (July 2023) in The Atlantic - “Being Anxious or Sad Does Not Make You Mentally Ill”
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
