Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #6
Do you need refreshment? Hopefully, the following paragraphs will be encouraging and hopeful to you. How do you navigate your life in a climate of fear, uncertainty and anxiety? On top of this, some of us are attempting to help navigate congregations or businesses. Perhaps you, like myself, long to experience more calmness in this current climate.
I see myself as ordinary. As I write, I particularly have in mind other ordinary people - perhaps like you. If we were in the same room, the following is what I might share with you today. Many of us are just trying to navigate life in a whirlwind of challenges.
Each issue offers “The List of Five.” Maybe you will find a take-away that is encouraging or helpful.
The List of Five
The French had collapsed. The Dutch had been overwhelmed. The Belgians had surrendered. The British army, trapped, fought free and fell backward toward the Channel ports, converging on a fishing town whose name was then spelled Dunkerque.
Behind them lay the sea.
(William Manchester, The Last Lion: Visions of Glory)
All of us, as followers of Christ, have fought battles. Often these battles involved good and evil. Sometimes they involved others whom we loved and interceded for through faithful prayer. Then there is the situation with COVID-19, where we are in a battle against death, a paralyzing fear, and a need to love those in our congregations and communities.
On that note, perhaps the following five will be helpful:
1. You Don’t Have to Let Anxiety Have the Last Word
In anxious times, it is important to have good information. However, that doesn't mean watching hour after hour of frightening news. Our habits can feed our anxiety instead of bolstering our courage & calmness.
Perhaps, like myself, you have felt fear, uncertainty and anxiety in the midst of this COVID-19 virus. If you are a business leader, a mom/dad, a minister, or any other kind of leader, one of the challenges is learning to manage your own anxiety. Yet, if you lead in anxious times, be ready to experience the disappointment of others. "You didn't do enough; you didn't do it right; too slow; too fast etc." Leaders attempting to lead in anxious times will experience the disappointment of others. Meanwhile, an effective leader listens, stays calm, and then takes the next step.
Staying calm and being a non-anxious presence does not mean that you don’t experience anxiety at all. I certainly do and most leaders I know do as well. This is about managing our own anxiety. You can begin by simply recognizing what is happening within in you.
Loneliness - “I don’t have anyone alongside me right now. No one really knows what I think/feel today.”
Depression - “I feel lifeless, unmotivated and flat.”
Powerlessness - “What am I going to do if this virus continues to spread? What will my future be like?”
Isolation - “I really miss ‘normal.’ I miss my church family, friends, and my co-workers.”
Loss - “I am frightened of how much I lost in my retirement account. I was about to retire. What do I do?”
Fear - “I am scared. It seems like everything is out of control.”
You can begin by seeking self-awareness. It can be helpful to acknowledge your own anxiety and to be aware of how you tend to respond to this. I also want to remember the words of Steve Cuss, “Anxiety is usually dissolved and displaced, not moved through with ‘more’ and ‘try harder.’” (Steve Cuss, March 26, 2020 Tweet).
“Being a differentiated leader is a journey, and none of us fully arrive. We are all continually on the spectrum of being more differentiated. A non-anxious leader is still often anxious, and still makes mistakes, raises his voice, or says regrettable things. Differentiation has nothing to do with being perfect or always calm. Differentiation is about managing your own anxiety and being aware of the contagious anxiety of a group while staying relationally connected to that group. None of us arrive at it, but we can all work toward it. . . “ (Steve Cuss, Managing Leadership Anxiety, pp. 122-123)
Note Chuck DeGroat’s excellent suggestions for practicing self-care in a season of anxiety (Becoming Yourself newsletter - March 23, 2020). Perhaps you can add to this list.
beginning/ending your day in contemplative prayer and/or meditation, with additional pockets of time through the day to breathe.
taking in national news in small doses.
limiting your social media scrolling.
avoiding trauma bonding (anxious conversation which scapegoats and reacts) and fostering real and healthy conversations where you share clear feelings, needs, and requests.
getting a good night’s sleep, which may mean giving up things that create obstacles to good sleep, like alcohol or late night binge watching.
turning off notifications on your phone, and turning on do not disturb in the evening to reduce stimulus.
getting physical exercise.
connecting by phone or video to 2-3 friends or family members a day.
2. You Can Choose to Nurture Your Soul Instead of Allowing it to Wither
Yes, the economy is tanking, a virus is spreading, & our lives are being greatly disrupted. HOWEVER, this may be the one of the most significant times for the church & our lives individually as we learn to truly depend up God & care for our brothers/sisters & our neighbors.
These are very difficult times but there really are some bright spots. I love the cool headed ministers who are pivoting quickly on behalf of congregations. They are preaching/teaching online and learning new ways to care for their people. I admire the humility with which so many of them are approaching this disruption.
So where do we begin in nurturing our soul? First, face the negative, frightening information. Then, respond with calmness. Focus on the power & presence of God. Take a step. However, don't wait for either the applause or the criticism. Some will think you've gone too far, while others think you've been too slow. The following are a few practices which are helpful to me: reading; praying; journaling; creating moments of silence; walking; paying attention to what is beautiful, pleasant, etc. as I walk; looking for stories of people who bless others in practical ways; sending notes of encouragement to acquaintances and friends; checking in with friends; talking with children/grandchildren via FaceTime.
This is a wonderful opportunity to teach our children/grandchildren how to deal with huge problems! Instead of panic or being immobile due to our fear, we use wisdom & trust in God. What an opportunity to model this before our children/grandchildren. (Jim Martin, March, 18 tweet)
3. You Can Choose to Care and Connect with Others in Practical Life-Giving Ways.
One of the greatest opportunities we have today is for the church to be the church. No building. No programs. No comforts. Rather, Jesus incarnate, living in his church. We respond with faith, serving, caring for one another and for our communities. What a moment!
One way we do this is by being very intentional about connecting:
What if I were to make contact with 3-5 people today? I could call, text, or e-mail.
Is there someone, maybe someone older at church or a neighbor, who I need to check on? Could I offer to go to the drugstore or grocery store to get something they need?
What if I were to send a short video to my grandchildren? This week, I told a make-believe story to my grandchildren and sent them videos of me telling this story. One daughter said that her four year old watched it three times.
What if I were to call people within my congregation and/or community just to check on them? One minister called every couple in his congregation who were expecting a baby. Still another minister of a large congregation called every person over 60 years old to simply ask how they were doing. (Of course, such calls are not limited to ministers or other church leaders. We can all care for one another.)
So much of leadership ability is about how other people experience themselves in your presence. A great leader has a presence that makes other people bigger. (The Mental Habits of Effective Leaders with Jennifer Garvey Berger [The Knowledge Project Ep. #43] - Interview with Shane Parish.)
4. Remain Calm and You Can Bring a A Powerful Presence to Most Any Situation
Listen to the following words by my friend, Dr. David Lavelle, retired orthopedic surgeon at Campbell Clinic in Memphis. He is also my coffee drinking friend. I have been blessed by these times together. Recently he wrote a Facebook post regarding the value of “remaining calm.” If you are a parent, a business person, or a church leader, I encourage you to read the following helpful words:
Calm
Faith
Peace of mind
My father was an ear, nose and throat doctor but since I went to a very small Christian school, he was often asked to be the "team doctor" for our sports teams. At the time (late 60's, early 70's) sports medicine was not a thing and he'd been a GP for years before doing a residency. He would do it, but very reluctantly as he was not a sports fan and thought sports was a huge waste of energy that could be put to good use working on a farm or doing something constructive rather than beating each other up.
He would stand on the sideline of a football game as long as he could stand it, then would walk home. (We lived next door.) Since he didn't let me play football (thanks dad!) I'd often stand with him during a game. I already wanted to be a doctor and I imagined myself as his assistant.
Once there was a particularly gruesome injury and the crowd at the game gasped! Everyone was shouting and I could feel the hysteria building. The coaches and other players on both sides were running out on the field and running around in a panic. I looked up at dad and he was just standing there. And then in his normal pace, calmly walked out to the field to help the player.
Later, I asked dad "why didn't you run out there?" He said something like "as a doctor, if you remain calm, it helps others to be calm too. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you can do your job better and help others be calm. Being in a panic doesn't help anyone." Since I wanted to be a doctor and master this mysterious power, I asked, how do you stay calm?
Practice.
I've thought back to that conversation a hundred times in my career. During a full on cardiac resuscitations. When being called to the ER with a poly trauma. During surgery when something catastrophic happened. Practice calm. How do you do that? Pause. Slow your steps. Take a deep breath. Focus on one thing at a time. Don't look too far into the future. Stay in the moment. Say "We can do this (there's always a team)". Pray. Remember the 2 laws of being a surgeon: 1- There is a God. 2- You ain't Him.
It's wonderful to be a Christian at a time like this. Since I really do believe God is in control, I don't have to worry about being in control. It helps me be calm. I know many of you aren't Christians but I'll tell you. It's WONDERFUL to know that there is a God and he loves us and no matter what happens, we're going to be ok. If one of us gets sick, it's going to be ok. If I die, it's ok. If anyone in my family dies, it's going to be ok. (Ask me how I know...)
So have faith. It's going to be ok. Practice calm. Take a good cleansing breath. Turn off the breathless reporters and endless discussions on TV and read a book. Go for a walk. Ride your bike. Cook or work in the yard. Plant some flowers. Call that friend you've been meaning to catch up with.
Know that you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs. (Kipling quote)
These things lead to peace of mind.
Keep the faith!
Doc
5. Resources
Don’t miss this. There is so much that any leader can learn from this video and article. Factual. Emotional. Leading by example. “Marriott’s CEO Demonstrates Truly Authentic Leadership In A Remarkably Emotional Video” by Carmine Gallo in Forbes, March 21, 2020.
See this brief piece in Theos (Great Britain) by Lucy Coleman, “Self-isolation may be a nuisance but real isolation can be a nightmare.” The concern is particularly focused on older isolated adults who are alone.
“Generally, followers can’t rise above the maturity level of their mentors no matter what their mentor’s skill and knowledge base” (Edwin Friedman, A Failure of Nerve). Basically this should remind all of us, mothers/dads, business leaders, and church leaders that the first order of business is our own growth and maturity.
Outstanding article - “That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief” by Scott Berinato, March 23, 2020 in Harvard Business Review.
I would love your feedback on which one in “The List of 5” was most helpful and/or encouraging. You can send me a note at jmartin9669@gmail.com or leave a comment below.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold (Psalm 18:2).
Bonus - Preaching Online in an Anxious Time (Approximately 15 minutes). A conversation with Jim Martin and Bob Turner - HST Library Director.
Each Friday/Saturday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other church leaders as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
Jim Martin serves as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find him at God-Hungry.org. His e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write.
