Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #30
We were not about to leave. Yes, there were 30 cars ahead of us. However, we were about to receive our second Moderna COVID vaccine. The vaccine represented hope for returning to at least some normalcy. These days, I value most every word and action that in some way communicates hope, especially hope in the resurrected Jesus.
Perhaps something in the following list of five will be encouraging.
The List of Five
Wear a Tie for Jesus?
(picture by Ben Rosett)
I stood in the foyer looking through the glass at the people assembled for the funeral. This funeral was for a wonderful widow deeply loved by our congregation. She had encouraged me often while I served as the minister for the congregation in Waco.
The service was just about to begin. A woman who had been friends with the deceased stood in front of me and glared. She was about twenty years older than me and often seemed to have an edge about her.
She said, “You will wear a tie for the dead but you won’t wear a tie for Jesus.”
She was referring, of course, to the previous couple of years in which I stopped wearing a tie on Sunday mornings. (I typically wore a sport coat and dress slacks). For the funeral, I was wearing a suit and tie.
I couldn’t believe her words, tone, and timing.
“You will wear a tie for the dead but you won’t wear a tie for Jesus.”
As I thought about this, I felt aggravated for a few minutes and then recalled some earlier conversations with this wonderful woman who had died. Through the years, she told me on several occasions to pay no attention to such comments. She made no excuses for her friend and had apparently talked with her about curt remarks.
What I learned has actually encouraged me as I interact with people - sometimes difficult people.
I can acknowledge to myself or another how such remarks made me feel. I don’t have to pretend that remarks like these are not hurtful or aggravating.
I can respond to such a person without reacting out of anger or pride. (I did respond that day but fortunately did not react, as I have done numerous times before.) I may choose to say nothing. However, I can respond in a Christ-like way, that is not fueled by my anger or pride.
I can find great encouragement in the Gospel in such moments. My significance is found in God’s pleasure, not in the approval of every single person in the congregation. At times, however, such moments may reveal that the approval of others has become far too important to me.
Kathleen Smith writes:
But it’s difficult to be clear-eyed about your own performance if you don’t have your own definition of what you’re trying to do or who you’re trying to be. Without this thinking, you’re likely to use people’s reactions as the barometer for success.
Does Anyone Else Feel Like Me?
“It may just be me but I am tired, really tired.” I could hear it in his voice in the phone call. He sounded worn out. He went on to say, regarding his particular situation, “This has been hard - really hard.”
What contributes to this, are the uncertainties, even as it appears we are getting to the other side of this pandemic. Yet, uncertainties are not new to most of us. You may identify with some of the following people:
The woman who grieves the unexpected death of her husband and knows all too well the intense loneliness.
The couple who are exhausted from dealing with an immature, self-focused, adult child.
The leader of a non-profit organization who is tired and exhausted, and wonders how long she can go on.
The minister who has been serving a particular congregation for many years only to see dear friends leave, expressing dissatisfaction. This minister begins to experience self-doubt.
The young mother who loves the Lord, wants to do what is right, but life has become so complicated.
These people all face uncertainties, either in the present or as they face the future.
Many of us may focus on the question that stokes the fires of anxiety within us.
“What if?”
Our minds race ahead, imagining every scary, negative thing that could possibly happen. Meanwhile, we crave hope. Some of the most googled words of last year (2020) were “hope” and “prayer.”
When there is much uncertainty in life, the following may be helpful:
Reconnect with your mission and purpose.
Do the activities that typically give you life. Do not underestimate the power of the smallest act, whether it taking a walk, reading a favorite author, or enjoying your favorite music.
Acknowledge that you feel tired, exhausted, out of energy, etc.
Know who it is who you desire to please. To focus on the reactions of others will generally bring on more anxiety.
Know that the next steps on the other side of the pandemic are likely to be hard, particularly as we attempt navigate toward some sense of normalcy in churches. It will be very important that we have rhythms, habits, practices, that will nurture us spiritually, emotionally, socially, and physically.
Keep your mind focused on the larger story of Scripture. Regardless of personal disappointments, heartaches, and challenges, God’s work through Jesus offers us real hope.
What Are You Becoming?
What it is that draws you to become a particular kind of person? Simon Sinek speaks of knowing your why. See his book, Find Your Why: A Practical Guide for Finding Purpose for You and Your Team. Sinek explains:
Once you understand your WHY, you’ll be able to clearly articulate what makes you feel fulfilled and to better understand what drives your behavior when you’re at your natural best. When you can do that, you’ll have a point of reference for everything you do going forward. You’ll be able to make more intentional choices for your business, your career and your life. You’ll be able to inspire others to buy from you, work with you and join your cause.
What is my purpose in life? How would I like for my life to look 24 months from now? What decision or action can I take today that might move me one step in that direction?
Sometimes, I reflect upon this question, “What kind of older man will I be?” Or you might ask, “What kind of older woman will I be one day?”
Will you be a self-absorbed old man (or woman)? Or, will you be a person who is still full of joy and focused on serving and blessing others?
I recall a Sunday morning, years ago, when we were trying to affirm the good works some of our small children. They had collected canned goods at Thanksgiving. I spoke to the congregation about their hard work and the importance of what they had done. An older woman approached me immediately after our assembly and snarled, “I sure wish the old people could get some attention at this church!” This was a sad moment. This particular woman had lived over seven decades and yet could not simply rejoice at the efforts of these small children.
On the other had, there was “Bill.” He too had lived over seven decades and had experienced some intense pain. Yet, he was typically joyful and focused on others. He continued to read, learn, and grow. He seemed to look for the good in others.
What are you and I becoming?
Does my behavior, my attitude, and my words reflect my “why”? Or do they suggest that I have forgotten who it is I have been called to be?
As my children/grandchildren witness my life today, am I building the kind of memories that will sustain them into the future? (Yes, they hear our words but our actions speak powerfully.)
If I were to become more intentional about what I am becoming, what might this look like? What could I do today, regardless of how small, that might reflect my “why”?
Keeping it Simple
Paul Graham has written the following powerful words about writing:
I try to write using ordinary words and simple sentences. That kind of writing is easier to read, and the easier something is to read, the more deeply readers will engage with it. The less energy they expend on your prose, the more they'll have left for your ideas (On Refusing to Be Stubborn).
These are not only important and helpful words to hear regarding writing, but communicating in general. The truth is, effective writing, speaking, teaching, preaching is not achieved by being deliberately dense or vague. Many, many people whether one on one, in small groups, or in a large gathering will appreciate any attempt to provide clarity.
Using familiar words and simple sentences is not “dumbing down” the message. Nor does it mean that the message is shallow or lacking in substance. Rather, this often reflects that one was willing to do the work of communicating clearly.
A few suggestions:
Know that many people will appreciate the effort you make to speak clearly.
Others are more likely to be encouraged and blessed if you are focused on them, instead of being preoccupied with how others are perceiving you.
It is not the volume of words that blesses people. Rather, we may find that fewer words, carefully chosen, and spoken sincerely with the intent of blessing someone can be a powerful moment for another.
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Resources
Recently I completed William Willimon’s fine book Accidental Preacher: A Memoir. The book is full of moving stories and quotes. Willimon makes me think.
I also read I’d Do It All Again by Clifton L. Ganus, Jr. Since I serve at Harding School of Theology (Memphis), I wanted to know more about Harding University’s third president.
I regularly listen to Amantha Imber’s podcast, How I Work. Recently, she interviewed Adam Grant, who teaches at the Wharton School of Business regarding his thoughts about conducting regularly life check-ups. He also talked about his new book Think Again. (I just began reading this book.)
Kathleen Smith is a marriage and family therapist. I read her writing regularly. She writes from a systems perspective and has much to offer any church leaders you can get her free newsletter here and find her website here.
Don’t miss Cary Nieuwhof’s excellent interview with Steve Cuss. Find it here.
Each Thursday/Friday, I post about ten tweets especially for ministers and other believers as they anticipate Sunday. You can find me @jimmartin.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. You can find me at God-Hungry.org. You can find me on Facebook - @jim.martin. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging or helpful. — Jim Martin
Thanks for your words when dealing with difficult people. I needed that today.