Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #124
Your emotional self-awareness is powerful . . . Have you noticed? . . . When your anxiety speaks . . . Hard questions for church leaders . . . Etectera
(Unsplash - Олег Мороз)
The List of Five
Your Emotional Self-Awareness is Powerful
Consider the dashboard in your car. It tells you when you are low on gas. At times, there may be a “check engine light” that comes on, indicating that something is wrong. Many people have learned that the answer is not to ignore these warning signs.
Are you aware of how much gas you have left in your car?
Are you aware of how long it might take you to get somewhere?
Are you aware of the impact you have on others (“I was just being honest”)
Are you aware of how often you glance at your phone?
Yet, what about your inner life? Specifically, what about your emotional gauge? As a part of my self-awareness, I want to be aware of my emotional tendencies.
Recently, I noticed that I was reading/watching too much news, again. I was thinking too much about things I can do nothing about. I am now making some adjustments.
Emotional Neglect Has a High Cost
Paul’s words regarding our emotions and attitudes are very helpful. Note Ephesians 4:31:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
When we neglect our emotional health, the consequences can be varied. You and I can become persons who:
Demand near perfection from others while we excuse our own behavior.
Quickly leave when there is conflict, leaving conversations and others without any resolution.
Explode with anger, spewing sharp words at a loved one.
Become a master in manipulation in an attempt to be in control.
Live with the constant fear of disapproval, while craving validation at every turn.
These emotional behaviors can squelch our passion, dim our vision, and hamper our capacity to move forward.
One of our challenges is to be aware of ourselves, others, and most of all God himself.
Self - It is critical that I pay attention to my own spiritual and emotional well being. For me, this ranges from being attentive to the spiritual disciplines, going to the gym each weekday, and living a balanced life.
Others - You and I need the body of Christ. We need relationships with other believers, spiritual friends who will encourage, admonish, and at times even correct.
God - Remember our identity as God’s children. You and I follow Jesus while relying on the Spirit’s empowerment.
Have You Noticed?
Some people have a way of giving you energy, hope, and encouragement. Such people are a gift from God.
There are even people whose presence seems to transform the energy of an entire group.
I love this quote by Edward G. Hale:
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.
We were at lunch when my friend asked me: “Could our next ten years be some of our most productive years?” We went on to discuss our mutual desire to continue serving the Lord and finish well. Neither one of us wants to get within sight of the finish line and make destructive choices.
Some people seem to settle.
Too often men and women reach a certain age and practically shut down. This may occur when their kids leave home and they experience an “empty nest.” For others, this may occur when they have grandchildren and eventually reach retirement.
Yet, this really isn’t about age. Rather some people seem to stop learning, questioning, and growing. You and I can lose our curiosity about life, the world, and even family members.
We may greatly underestimate our capacity to do good and make a positive difference in someone else’s life.
Contrast this perspective on life with that of Barnabas in the New Testament. Barnabas was known for:
Helping needy people (Acts 4:32-37)
Putting himself at risk for the sake of the kingdom (Acts 9:27)
Being faithful to the call of God, as he was sent out with Paul from this multi-ethnic church (Acts 13:2)
Investing in others (Acts 15:36-37)
Regardless of your age, you can bless another person. There is no expiration date on God’s willingness to use you to make a kingdom difference.
Consider the following possibilities:
We can intentionally invest in men/women around us. (Can you name three people?)
We can invest in others by keeping our eyes open for people who are saying or doing something right. (What three people have you noticed in the last few days who did something right?)
We can build up and encourage by our presence. (Can you name three people who could use your encouragement?)
When Your Anxiety Speaks
I was a college freshman, working nights at the United Parcel Service hub in Dallas. One night, I stood in a gathering of about fifteen part-time workers, as we met with a new executive from New Jersey who just been transferred to Dallas. At the conclusion of our brief meeting, I said something to him that was sarcastic, thinking I was being funny. The executive’s blank stare said it all. My attempt at humor had fallen flat.
I was embarrassed. Unfortunately, I had allowed my nervous energy to dictate my words instead of good judgement.
I wish I had thought before speaking.
How do I actually function as a leader? Do I tend to lead with anxiety or do I allow good judgment to shape and direct my words? Do I provide a calm presence?
I recall the words of a church member regarding her former minister. She said regarding his ministry: “I often miss your calm and measured advice and counsel.” Would my congregation say the same about me? Or would they say that my words and demeanor contributed to the anxiety of the congregation?
One Sunday evening in Florence, Ala., I was preaching and my in-laws were present. In the sermon, I was challenging an idea that I had just read in a book. What began as thoughtful disagreement moved into visible agitation.
After church, my father-in-law, who had preached for many years, pulled me aside. “I agree with most of what you said. However, when you preach and you are visibly upset and agitated, we all become upset and agitated. We take our cues from you.”
His wisdom was incredibly helpful. Even when addressing difficult subjects, a leader can demonstrate that while the message is very important, God is still in control over our lives and this world.
I learned that this truth extends way beyond a sermon. Whether we are parents, single, school teachers, or in business, our emotional presence impacts those around us. People will take their cues from us.
Moving Forward:
Be who you are in Christ, not who you think others want you to be. Are you a business person? A young mother? A teacher? Be who you are in Christ.
Attempt to listen and seek to understand what it is like to be another. Listen deeply.
Gently approach and inquire. Approach others with a gentle, compassionate curiosity.
Make a list. Consider making a list of people for whom you are praying. Maybe there is a person who keeps showing up in your life. Perhaps you know a person you can bless and encourage. Maybe there is a particular person who has been on your mind lately. Make a list of 8-10 people as a place to begin. Pray for these people believing that God will help you and them.
Hard Questions for Church Leaders (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
Ministers and other church leaders are called to self-examination. This is especially true during times of tension and/or transition.
Before a minister leaves a congregation to begin a new ministry elsewhere, it is valuable to reflect on questions such as:
How have I managed myself throughout the years that I have served this congregation?
What patterns emerged as I interacted with other church leaders or with members of the congregation?
Did I focus more on managing myself or attempting to manage others? (Perhaps the elder group)
What lessons can I carry forward to my next ministry?
When a minister leaves, particularly after a brief or difficult tenure, the elders might consider reflecting on the following questions:
As this minister prepares to leave this congregation, how did we, as shepherds, contribute to him serving in this congregation only three years?
What are we going to have to deal with as we bring in our next minister? Could it be that we should have addressed this perviously as we worked with our former minister?
Did any of the contention with the previous minister occur as the result of a “bully” among the shepherds? Would the end result of this difficult period had been different had we (as shepherds) insisted on a certain behavior toward our ministers?
Sometimes an elder group will experience frustration and then quickly conclude, “We just need the right minister.” Perhaps this is true.
However, before elders decide to make such a change, they would do well to first wrestle with the issue of their own functioning:
Is there something about us (as a group of elders) that makes us difficult to work with?
Is there something about the way we are functioning that does not bring health and life to a church family?
How did we contribute to the mess that exists in our congregation?”
Granted, when elders are frustrated and believe the minister has broken their trust, such questions may seem unnecessary or undesirable. Yet, it is so important to do some reflection regarding our own functioning.
At the same time, some ministers seem to rarely get along with elders anywhere. Reflecting on one’s behavior is not to be dismissive of unethical or unchristian behavior by an individual elder or the elder group.
Yet, not to seriously deal with the issue of one’s own functioning may be to bypass the very issue that could greatly contribute to one’s growth and maturity.
These questions are not about assigning blame but fostering growth and maturity on the part of those who serve as ministers and shepherds of a congregation. Spiritual leadership begins with a willingness to examine myself and a willingness to change.
Etcetera
Russell Moore interviews Robert Putnam (Bowling Alone) regarding the culture and community. See Beyond Bowling Alone: Finding Community in an Isolated Age | The Russell Moore Show
I have begun reading Dr. Kathleen Smith’s newest book, True to You: A Therapist’s Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself.
I am slowing reading through some of the interviews in vol. 1 and vol. 2 of The Paris Review Interviews. These interviews of writers, poets, etc. are interesting.
Frances Schaffer’s books were a significant part of my journey when I was in college. This video features Dr. Os Guiness (83 years of age) who met Schaffer in 1965 at L’Abri in Switzerland while Guiness was a college student.
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
Thank you!
Thank you for your encouragement. Sydney Wagner