Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #123
Four steps that can keep you in shape . . . When you hear his name, do you smile?. . . From the soul or the ego? . . . Your emotional maturity matters . . . Etcetera
The List of Five
Four Steps that Can Keep You in Shape
The following are four important steps. One of these could be significant for you:
Step Forward – Start now and take a step forward. I’ve said the following: “One day I will eat more healthy, read more, write a book, etc.” Yet, at the end of the year, I made little progress. Perhaps you can relate to this. Others seem to be waiting for the perfect moment in which to begin. “I’m waiting on more information, more knowledge, more expertise, etc.” Yet, it is so important to simply start!
Step Away – Take time to think, read and reflect. Some more forward but rarely look within. When there is no self-reflection, a person might ignore tendencies from the past that can influence the present. Part of what gives leaders energy and endurance is to take the time to practice self-reflection.
Step Up -- Take responsibility for your own behavior. Sometimes good self-health begins with a willingness to be accountable. Take responsibility for being “you.” It takes courage to admit, “I was on edge in that meeting last week. I spoke abruptly as if my point of view was all that mattered.”
This honesty can be transformative. While others may point the finger at someone else, the maturing person considers how she/he might have contributed to this situation.
Step Back - Take a step back to keep your perspective. Do you recall being in a conversation with an acquaintance who was agitated? Perhaps, what she/he seemed to be agitated about really was not the issue.
The intensity and her sharp tone may have actually been fueled by a heartbreaking conversation the previous night with her adult son. It can be helpful to step back and ask, “Am I reacting or am I responding with wisdom?”
When You Hear the Name, Do You Smile?
There are certain people I have known, who were so pleasant, that I smile when I remember them or when I hear their name.
Dr. Bill (Willis E.) Kirk was one of these people.
Bill and Virginia moved to Waco, Texas when they were in their 70s. I knew of Bill by reputation. He was a practicing psychologist in the Dallas-Fort Worth area for many years. He was deeply involved with the Christian Care Center of Dallas. Many years earlier, he had served as a minister in the Northeastern part of the country.
It was a Monday. I was in my office at the church. The receptionist called me and said, “Jim, Dr. Kirk is here and would like to talk with you.”
Bill came back to my office, sat down, and said, “I don’t want to take up a lot of time but I really enjoyed that sermon yesterday and was wondering where I could do more reading along the same line.”
Wow. I don’t know that I had ever had a visit quite like this. I gave him the title of a book I had used as a sermon reference. He wrote the information on a small card and said he would order the book. He soon left, complimenting me on the message and thanking me for the resource.
During the years in which the Kirks were at the Crestview Church, Bill frequently visited with me in my office. Often, the visit was to talk about the value of a series I was preaching. Sometimes he would ask for a book recommendation. Always, he would encourage me.
I wondered, “How can I be like him when I am his age? How can I be fully alive like Bill when I am 76 years of age? Will I smile? Will I encourage others?”
When I think about Bill or hear his name, I smile. By the grace of God, I hope to follow in his steps.
From the Soul or the Ego?
My constant companions were doubt and insecurity.
I was a young husband, father, and minister. In each role, I felt like a beginner. As a young minister, I felt so far behind my peers. At times, my inadequacy loomed larger than my sense of calling.
At one point, I realized I was trying to do this work from a diminished, broken self, instead of my soul, redeemed and made adequate by God in the power of the Spirit.
I once saw a photographer take team pictures of a football team. The wide receiver for the team began to pose. At one point, the wide receiver said to his friend, “How do I look now?”
In our anxiety, you and I can become more concerned with how we look than who we really are. “How do I look? What do others think of me?”
You and I can become far more concerned with creating a perception than pursuing a God-centered purpose.
Living out of your soul is to live out of your authentic self. I was once visiting with a longtime friend, a former minister, whom I occasionally met for lunch and conversation.
At one point in our conversation, I asked my friend, “How can I get the church to pray more?” My friend responded, “Jim, why don’t you just be a person of prayer and see what happens?”
Who am I becoming?
On one occasion in Kansas City, I was visiting with a Christian therapist. He asked how I was doing. I told him about some good things that had happened. Kind remarks from others regarding a sermon. A speaking invitation from a mentor.
The therapist then asked, “What if none of this had happened? What if no one affirmed you? Could you still be happy?”
Am I becoming the kind of person who can be happy because of what God is doing within me? Living out of my soul calls for attention to the spiritual disciplines (prayer, Scripture, times of silence and solitude, etc.) which help me be attentive to God.
What about you? Is your identity shaped by your ego and its desires? Or, are you being shaped by a soul that is undergoing a daily transformation?
You May Be Interested
Your Emotional Maturity Matters (Especially for ministers and other church leaders)
For many years, my mother worked at The Christian Teacher Bookstore in Dallas. During this period of time, ministers, various church leaders, and congregations often had charge accounts at this bookstore.
One day after coming home from work, she said, “I don’t understand how this preacher (she named him) can preach every Sunday and yet not pay his bill.” That was many year ago but I can still remember how much this inconsistency bothered her. One can’t separate ministry from spirituality.
Whether a person refuses to pay his debts, watches porn, or is flippant about business ethics, these behaviors clash against the kind of people we were created and formed to be.
We are not talking about how to improve, do more, or do better. Rather we are talking about habits that better reflect who we are in Christ.
Peter Scazzero stresses in his writings that one can’t remain emotionally immature and yet be spiritually mature (The Emotionally Healthy Leader). There is an inconsistency when one is perceived as spiritually mature in a congregation and yet at the same time actually functions in a manner that is emotionally immature. For example, something is wrong if a person is a wonderful Bible class teacher and yet talks to his wife in a manner that is demeaning, rude, and insulting. Something is wrong when someone serves as an elder in a congregation while others tip-toe around him because he has an explosive temper.
The question is not, “How many people take you seriously?” or “How much are you going to accomplish?” or “Can you show some results?”
The question is “Are you in love with Jesus? Do you know the incarnate God?” (Henri Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus).
Those of us who desire to know the living God are also to be in the process of giving our whole lives to him (including emotions) for his transformation.
Etcetera
I loved the conversation (Being Human) between Steve Cuss and Kathleen Smith, a marriage and family therapist who explains the family systems approach very well. Helpful!
Recently read some of the articles in the print edition of Christianity Today. Articles by Russell Moore, Steve Cuss, Malcolm Guite, Evan Howard and others.
I have been reading The Boys of Riverside by Thomas Fuller. This is the story of an entire football team who was deaf. Riverside California School for the Deaf serves over 400 Deaf and hard-of-hearing students, between the ages of 3 and 21.
Note that Peter Scazzero is working on a new project regarding “Weakness.” See his podcast, The Emotionally Healthy Leader Podcast - “Weakness: The Platform for Power Pt. 1.”
Two other podcast were particularly interesting to me. Old Testament scholar, Dr. Iain Provolon, was interviewed on the Regent College podcast regarding his book, Cuckoos in Our Nest: Truth and Lies About Being Human.
I just returned from the annual retreat of Hope Network Ministries. I have been a “partner” for many years. I encourage you to visit the website.
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
Thank you, Jim. Your articles always meaningful to me
Always enjoy reading and learning.