Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #120
The vanilla cone moments (message spoken at Fall 2024 Harding University Commencement) . . . What if I don't belong? . . . Generous love . . . Speaking at funerals . . . Etcetera
(Orissa Humes)
The List of Five
The Vanilla Cone Moments
Harding University Commencement - December 14, 2024
What a big moment! You finished. Your family as well as the faculty and staff of this university are here to celebrate with you.
There are big moments in life. I spoke to a young woman at church who was about to run the St. Jude Marathon. She was looking forward to that day - the day of the big race. People gathered from across the country. She and others ran. A big moment!
Yet, for her and probably most of these runners, this big moment was the culmination of many, many small moments of preparation. That preparation might have included a mix of long runs, speed work, cross-training, and adequate rest days, etc.
There have been some big moments for you at Harding. This is certainly one of them. Yet, there have been so many ordinary, small moments leading up to this.
These small moments may seem insignificant, ordinary, and inconsequential. Imagine going into Baskin-Robbins. You are with some friends about to order ice-cream.
You look at the seasonal flavors of ice cream:
Winter White Chocolate
Peppermint
Eggnog ice cream
And then there are all the other flavors Baskin Robbins offers year around.
Your friend orders a vanilla cone.
A vanilla cone?
But you say, “What’s wrong with a vanilla cone? This is what I like!” Fine. All I am saying is that these vanilla cone moments describe much of life.
Much of life is composed of a series of small moments of vanilla. These moments may seem insignificant, ordinary, and inconsequential. These are the small vanilla cone moments.
Perhaps some of the following ordinary moments at Harding:
A cup of coffee with a friend as you talk about your lives.
You go to class. You work on your project. You see your friends.
You get a pizza with friends one evening.
Often, people finish college and we wait for the next big thing. The fulfilling job. The awesome trip. The magic of a perfect marriage partner. We may wait for the day when life finally comes together.
While we are waiting, we may find ourselves impatient with the small moments – the ordinary. We wait for life to happen. We wait for the next amazing thing.
The challenge: Pay attention to the ordinary moments!
One can walk across this campus and see someone trying to get the attention of someone else. A coach's whistle at practice. A professor speaks into a microphone hoping that she can get the attention of others in this large room. Or it can be something as simple as sending a text, hoping that you can get the attention of your friend.
Pay attention to what is next. Pay attention to what is ordinary. Pay attention to those vanilla cone moments. Don’t miss the value of these ordinary moments coming up while you wait for the awesome and the amazing. Know that you are the sum total of what you give your attention to.
What do we do with these small moments that are about to happen?
Pay attention and be fully present in the moment.
Pay attention to what God might be doing at this moment. Even in the smallest, most insignificant moment, God is often at work in powerful ways.
Perhaps the most important question moving forward is, “What will I pay attention to?”
Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are loving God and loving people (Mt. 22:36-40).
36 Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Be fully present in the ordinary vanilla cone moments.
Pay attention to what matters to Jesus — how you love God and love others.
Something good and powerful may be unfolding in your life soon, by the grace of God.
Congratulations!
What If I Don’t Belong?
An elementary school boy had been invited by a coach to join his team at a basketball practice. The coach had welcomed him and yet the team had already been practicing for a number of weeks. As the boy prepared to go to the practice, he wondered:
“What if one of the other boys asks me what I am doing here?”
Or, in other words, “What if someone says I don’t belong?”
Perhaps you know this feeling. You walk into a roomful of people whom you don’t know very well. The conversations have already begun. Many of these people in this room seem comfortable and familiar with one another. They seem connected as they make reference to a past experience.
You may wonder if you really belong. “Do I have a place here?”
Does this sound familiar?
I suspect many of us have probably felt like this at some point.
Yet, in Jesus, we learn that we really do belong. By his grace, through his cross and resurrection, he has accepted us as a people who belong to him. “But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (Eph. 2:13). Our belonging is not rooted in how people accept us. Rather, our belonging is rooted in divine adoption.
When we do not focus on his cross and resurrection, we may focus on our wounds and inadequacies. Consequently our shame, brokenness, and insecurities can define us instead of Jesus who has brought us wholeness. Yet, the good news is that we are more than what we have done or what has been done to us. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Cor. 5:17).
Today, you belong!
You don’t belong because you have hidden your brokenness, the achievements you have gained, or because of your financial level. You belong because of Jesus. You abide in Jesus and he is making you new.
Do you belong? Yes!
Generous Love
See this generous gesture by NBA commentator Ernie Johnson and his wife, Cheryl, to one of their neighbors. Seeing these acts of generosity can brighten our day.
Speaking at Funerals (Especially for Ministers and Church Leaders)
One of the most delicate and sensitive tasks a minister (or any other church leader) might do is to officiate at a funeral. The following are a few suggestions:
If possible, meet with the family a few days prior to the funeral. These conversations can be very helpful. The family will often share important family stories and insights concerning the deceased. Meeting with them will also help you gage and better understand their emotional state.
Arrive early to coordinate with the funeral home.
Will the casket be open or closed?
Will there be a viewing procession?
What is the order of service?
Are there any special family requests or last minute changes?
Your Message.
Better short than long.
Address the family directly. Remember to acknowledge the family - the spouse, children and grandchildren. This can keep your message from feeling generic.
Consider what is appropriate. Be very cautious when you say the words, “I probably shouldn’t say this but . . .” If you are unsure, it probably shouldn’t be said.
For Christians, find a way to incorporate the gospel - Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection.
Review names, and locations in advance to be sure of the correct pronunciation. Ask family members for help if you are unsure.
Finally
Dress appropriately. I don’t know what appropriate dress might be in your context. However, what is important, is that the family members consider your dress to be appropriate for this very sensitive occasion.
Silence your phone before the service begins.
Be prepared for unexpected changes in the program.
You are serving a family at a very difficult time. This is important. Paying attention to some of these suggestions can be very helpful.
Etcetera
I listened to the audio book - Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny. This is an excellent book and very helpful. Appropriate for anyone trying to navigate hard conversations in a family, at work, or at church.
See Cary Nieuwhof’s “Indecision Fatigue: The Real Cost of Not Deciding.” This is an excellent podcast regarding the different kinds of decisions we face and the cost of not deciding.
Russell Moore’s favorite books of 2024. Also see the Christianity Today Book Awards (2024).
See Englewood Review of Books - 2024 Readers’ Best Awards.
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
Thank you Mary! I appreciate your regular words of encouragement. You are a blessing. — Jim
Great advice! Hope the graduates were listening. Also thank you for the heart warming video.