Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #119
Pay attention to small moments . . . Don't miss another's perspective . . . When you give a gift . . . The tender shepherd (Especially for ministers and other church leaders) . . . Etcetera
The List of Five
Pay Attention to the Small Moments
Imagine a mouse in a children’s book. It is small, seemingly insignificant and yet ripe with real possibility.
Awared-winning author Kate DiCamillo has written a number of children’s books. She once shared a very helpful observation about the presence of mice in children’s literature. DiCamillo said, “I think it is because kids feel so small, so powerless, and so pushed to the side.”
Like children, so many, many moments in life are small and seemingly insignificant. These moments may seem ordinary, and inconsequential.
Picture yourself in Baskin-Robbins with a friend. You look at the seasonal flavors of ice cream.
*Winter White Chocolate”
*Peppermint”
*Egg Nog ice cream”
You look at those flavors and all the other flavors that are regularly offered at Baskin Robbins. Your friend then orders vanilla. Vanilla! How ordinary.
This describes the ordinary moments of life.
Yet, we are conditioned to desire and chase the extraordinary. We wait for the awesome moment, the incredible trip, the amazing purchase. We may wait for the day when life finally comes together. My dream job, my dream home, and my magical relationship with my dream spouse.
Meanwhile, we deal with vanilla. The ordinary moments of life.
Consider some of the seemingly unremarkable moments:
A cup of coffee with a friend as you talk about your lives.
A workday that might feel ordinary but you like being here.
A simple dinner where connections with someone deepen.
What do we do with these small moments and so many, many others that shape who we are?
Pay attention to what is happening right now. Do you want to focus so much on some imagined future that you miss the present moment?
Pay attention to how you can be more fully present in this moment.
Pay attention to what God might be doing in this moment. God is often at work in powerful ways even in the seemingly insignificant moment.
Live in this moment. Pay attention. Something good and powerful may be unfolding.
Don’t Miss Another’s Perspective
Perspective is just a way to describe a person’s point of view.
John Maxwell says that immature people can only see life from their perspective. Meanwhile, mature people have learned to see life from the perspective of others.
The immature mind:
The immature mind is a fortress of self-certainty. This person is often self-assured and smug.
The immature mind may see his/her point of view as the logical, rational, “right,” point of view. When someone differs or questions their point of view, they assume the other person isn’t very smart or isn’t listening.
The immature mind may see himself as the smartest person in the room. “You people just don’t get it!”
The immature mind may actually be less worried about whether or not he is right but who at the end will have the most power. Conversation is not dialogue but a battleground.
Do you know this person?
Meanwhile consider the mature mind:
The mature mind may have a point of view but honors the perspective of others. This person is generous and desires to understand the thinking of another.
The mature mind has a humility that enables him/her to look for what is good and right about someone else’s point of view.
The mature mind seeks truth. One’s ego or desire to dominate is not the issue.
There is nothing like attempting to see life from another’s point of view. Potential conflict can become meaningful conversation. Judgment can be transformed into empathy.
A wider lens doesn’t mean we cease to have opinions or even convictions. Rather, it means that we welcome the opportunity to listen to another and perhaps look at a situation from their point of view.
When You Give a Gift
It can be such a blessing to either give or receive a gift.
However, sometimes giving is poisoned by expectation. This is the silent but life-draining moment that turns giving a gift into a transaction.
Perhaps you’ve seen this. Someone gives a gift complete with the invisible strings of an unspoken expectation of a specific reaction from the recipient.
A friend purchases a decorative gift and then says, “I thought this would be perfect in your hallway.” A month later, they are miffed that you did not place this gift in your hallway.
Someone has discovered just the Christmas gift you need. Then they are disappointed that you did not seem to respond with the appropriate joy.
Another friend buys a gift and then carefully watches the facial expression of the person opening the gift. If the facial expression is not the one they desired, they immediately say, “You don’t like it do you?”
What if you were to give a gift without an expected response tied to the gift? What if you and I were to simply give the gift - a pure expression of thoughtfulness! What if we were to give gifts that were free from expectation and judgment?
After all, God regularly gives gifts and receives little or no response from people just like ourselves.
What if you and I were to give a gift, simply to express our thoughtfulness?
The Tender Shepherd (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
One of the sweetest gifts you can give to another is tenderness. Tenderness attempts to feel the pain of another.
For ministers, this quality is not a weakness but a profound strength.
Ministers need to have a tough hide and a tender heart. Thin-skinned ministers will probably not last very long. Nor will thin-skinned elders/shepherds. It is important to have a resilient exterior that can withstand criticism, carping, and challenges. At the same time, there needs to be an inner softness, the capacity to remain deeply empathetic.
Yet, perhaps the danger is not that most of these people will quit serving in these roles. Rather, we can become hard, cynical, and critical shepherds.
Tenderness is not weakness. It is not to lack conviction or becoming overly sentimental. Rather, tenderness attempts to listen and to feel the pain of another.
You may not serve in a formal leadership role in your congregation. You may, however, have spiritual influence among the people with whom you are living out your faith. Your spiritual influence is not determined by a title but by a willingness to be present with others in moments of significant vulnerability.
May each one of us be known for being tender. This is critical in times of pain, sorrow, and grief. It is critical when someone nearby has lost a brother, spouse, or parent.
Tenderness attempt to come alongside another person and feel their pain. You are not trying to minimize it or fix it. Rather, you are simply willing to be fully present.
Such tenderness is likely to be remembered for a long, long time.
Are there people who you know who might be blessed by your tenderness?
Etcetera
Jenna Bush Hagar interviews children’s author Kate DiCamillo. “I Learned to Live in My Imagination.” Excellent!
I just began reading Leadership and Emotional Sabotage: Resisting the Anxiety that Will Wreck Your Family, Destroy Your Church, and Ruin the World.
Recently, I read sections of Scot McKnight’s Revelation for the Rest of Us. You may find this helpful.
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
Jim, I like this format. Your picture. Can listen for those on the go. Wonderful! Your wisdom, given from above comes through in a clear and authentic way. Keep up the great work!