Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #118
Costly mistakes can hold us back . . . When you are ready to walk away . . . What now? . . . What I've learned (part 2) (Especially for ministers and other church leaders) . . . Etcetera
The List of Five
Costly Mistakes Can Hold Us Back
I have made each of the following mistakes. These four mistakes have been costly at times. Perhaps you will recognize one or more in your own life:
Saying “yes” far too quickly - Every “yes” is really a “no” to something else. I learned this reality the hard way as I watched my calendar fill up with commitments. In the meantime, I had little, if any, time to do some things that really mattered to me. At times, these excessive commitments were a spinoff of my immaturity. In some ways, I more significant when I was busy and over committed.
The illusion that “later,” I will solve my problems. - I recall buying an SUV that seemed essential at the time. (“What a price! It’s such a good deal. If we don’t buy this quickly, someone else will” etc.) However, this purchase meant we would be taking on a significant amount of debt. I rationalized that all of this would work out later. Six months later, I knew this was not a wise decision. We quickly sold the vehicle and got out from under the debt.
Comparing myself with others - We can get caught up in what other families are doing or buying. Or, perhaps you think you should be further along in your career. Social media intensifies this as pictures of smiling people, new houses, and new cars are available for all to see. Some of us may see these posts and feel like we are falling even further behind our friends and/or family.
Setting unrealistic expectations - Far too often I have set myself up for failure by setting expectations that were absolutely unrealistic. Pursuing excellence is understandable and even commendable. However, it is possible to set a standard that is so high that we are forever grasping at the impossible.
Perhaps you can relate to these mistakes. The following might be helpful.
Acknowledge the mistakes you tend to repeat. Look for the mistakes that have become patterns.
What is the real reward you are seeking? In other words, what is the reward you are seeking by overcommitting your time or over-extending yourself financially?
How do avoiding these patterns challenge you to really trust God?
Are you listening to the voice of God who loves you and affirms you?
When You Are Ready to Walk Away
We’ve all be there.
I suspect most, if not all of us have felt like quitting at some point. You may find yourself saying, “What’s the use?” I certainly have.
Yet, before you resign or leave that commitment, consider some of these important questions:
What are my motivations? - Have I thought through this or is this an impulsive reaction to my frustration? Am I about to quit because I now have clarity or is this a moment of exasperation?
What are my options? - Could it be that I need a break? Do I need to renegotiate my involvement in this ministry or work? If there were some modification of my commitment, would I want to continue?
What about the timing? - Is this the right time for me to quit? Do I need to stick with this for a while because the timing is not good? What makes this particular time significant?
What about my relationships? - Is it possible to quit and preserve my relationship to the organization or my colleagues? Am I leaving the door open or am I about to burn some bridges?
What is the impact of my leaving? - Could quitting now give me temporary relief but add to long term frustration? What are the ripple effects on people who really matter to you?
What is the counsel of those whom I respect? - What do mentors or other trusted voices say regarding my plan to quit? Am I willing to listen to those who tell me what I really don’t want to hear? Am I listening to those who know both me and the situation?
What Now?
Whether you are faced with a personal crisis, a chronic illness, or the aftermath of a national election, you may ask the question, “What Now?” You might enjoy the following message (November 10, 2024) Message begins at - 42:43.
What I’ve Learned - Part 2 (Especially for ministers and other church leaders)
(See Part 1 here)
Self - Awareness
Developing my self-awareness has been very important for my personal growth and my growth as a minister. (Author: Peter Scazzero has been helpful.)
Gain Perspective While Staying Emotionally Engaged
I have learned to get on the “balcony” and step back to observe the broader dynamics of a church’s emotional system. (Authors: Tod Bolsinger and Ronald Heifetz have been excellent resources.)
Understand that Loss Brings Resistance
Being aware that resistance typically emerges from the loss that others have experienced has been very helpful. (Author: Rosabeth Moss Kanter has brought clarity to this reality.)
Know that understanding emotional intelligence is a tremendous tool.
Learning about emotional intelligence and it critical role in relationships has given me an important tool in my ministry. (Authors: Peter Scazzero and Daniel Goldman have been helpful.)
Learn to Navigate Leadership Anxiety
Understanding the place of leadership anxiety within a leader or within an organization has been helpful. In particular, I have become more aware of the place of anxiety in my own functioning as a leader. (Authors: Steve Cuss, Edwin Friedman, and Margaret Marcuson have been significant influences.)
Etcetera
A.W. Tozer - “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
Ray Ortlund Jr. - “Our thoughts about God are like a child sketching out a copy of a Rembrandt. We are beginners.”
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought,” wrote G.K. Chesterton, “and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” (cited by Austin Kleon)
I began reading Revenge of the Tipping Point. Malcolm Gladwell is always interesting.
I formerly served as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee. Prior to this, I served as a minister in various congregations for 36 years.
I am a husband, father, and grandfather. One of my favorite things to do is to come alongside another person and encourage her or him.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
Thanks so much, Kathleen! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Good stuff! Thanks, Jim!