Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #111
When the daily grind wears you down . . . For the sake of our children . . . Not enough time . . . Building trust: the cornerstone of effective ministry . . . Etcetera
(unsplash - Thomas Lefebvre)
The List of Five
When the Daily Grind Wears You Down
Gordon MacDonald tells of a time, when as a child, he was traveling with his family on a dusty deserted road in Canada. It was late, and the family had been traveling the entire day. They were lost, tired, and becoming irritable with one another.
They could not find a motel, and the few cabins they did see had “No Vacancy” signs in the window. The trip had begun with excitement, but all of that had worn away as they pushed ahead thinking they would soon find a place to stay. MacDonald continues by saying:
I have often recalled the feelings and frustration of that late-night, dark-road experience whenever my life seemed to momentarily turn into a mindless or spiritless journey crammed with events (not experiences) and contacts (not relationships). In such confounding periods, my sense is that one feels like my family did that night in Canada. Where is all of this going? What does it mean? And, how will I know when the destination has been reached? Why has this exciting trip suddenly turned into a wearisome journey? Where will I find tranquility again? (Restoring Your Spiritual Passion, pp. 7-8)
Maybe your job began as a wonderful, exciting opportunity. Yet, years later, this job has become a heavy burden. As colleagues leave, you learn from “corporate,” they will not be replaced. More responsibility is pilled onto your already full plate. You feel like you are drowning in a sea of overwhelming expectations.
“Why has this exciting trip suddenly turned into a wearisome journey? Where will I find tranquility again?”
The daily grind could be a job, a ministry, a situation with a difficult adolescent, or chronic health issues.
When you are weary:
Acknowledge that you are tired and weary.
Pray to God regarding your work. Your work serves a higher calling than whomever you might report to within your company (Colossians 3:23-24). Even when your manager or supervisor fails to appreciate you, God values you and loves you.
Rediscover simple moments of joy that have typically brought a smile to your face.
Talk to a trusted friend. Sometimes simply voicing your concern or your worry can lighten your load.
Pray that you might recognize the good moments, no matter how simple they are. They may be right in front of you.
For the Sake of Our Children
There have been times when I didn’t know what to say to one of our children.
Yet, each day, there is nothing I can do for my children that is more important than loving them and praying for them.
After all, if I am not praying for my children, who is?
The following comes from the Book of Common Prayer. While this prayer is apparently written with a boy in mind, it could just as easily be a prayer for a little girl.
Watch over your child (name), O Lord, as his days increase; bless him and guide him, and keep him unspotted from the world. Strengthen him when he stands; comfort him when discouraged or sorrowful; raise him up if he falls; and in his heart may your peace which passes understanding abide all the days of his life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
So how could I pray for my daughter or son (or granddaughter or grandson)?
Bless her and guide her.
Keep her unspotted from the world
Strengthen her when she stands
Comfort her when she is discouraged or sorrowful
Raise her up if she falls
In her heart may your (God’s) peace which passes understanding abide all the days of her life.
We pray for God to act on behalf of our children! As they go to school, as they go out with a friend, or begin their marriage, they do so knowing that mom and dad (and even grandparents) are praying for God to be at work in their lives.
Perhaps serving as a faithful intercessor is one of the most important gifts we can ever give to our children.
Not Quite Enough Time
"To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time." - Leonard Bernstein
Sometimes the possibilities, the choices, and the opportunities seem almost endless. Yet time is a factor with limitations. We have 24 hours in a day. The challenge is how we will use the day.
Every “yes” often means a “no” to something else. Consequently, it may be helpful to occasionally reflect upon the decisions we make:
Am I saying yes because I feel guilty when I disappoint people?
Does the fear of being perceived as selfish drive my decision to say “yes” to someone’s request?
Am I saying “yes” because of peer pressure from others?
Yet, what if I said yes or no because I have a healthy sense of boundaries? What if I were to focus on doing what matters most? What if my “no” was because it did not fit with my mission or the task that I believed I am called to do?
Henry Cloud, the author of Boundaries, recently said (Linkedin, August 7, 2024):
Healthy boundaries create conditions for a more authentic, fulfilling life. You can invest your time and energy into what matters most, build mutually respectful relationships, and feel more in control. Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out but gates you can open and close as needed. They provide the safety and freedom to be fully yourself.
Suppose you have just returned from a business trip. You have been gone much of the week and have returned on a Friday. A colleague invites you to play golf the next day. As you think about your priorities in life, your “gate” remains closed to this request. In this instance, you had clarity and conviction about what to do. It is this clarity and conviction that can allow us to say “yes” at times and “no” at other times without regrets.
Building Trust: The Cornerstone of Effective Ministry (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
Ministry is built on a foundation of trust. For ministers, elders, and shepherds alike, trust isn't just a desirable quality—it's the lifeblood of our calling.
A minister can be competent, popular, and talented. Yet, if this person is not trusted by others on staff, the elders, or the congregation in general, this ministry is basically over.
An elder in a congregation asked me, “What do you do if you don’t trust one of your ministers?” I sort of gulped when he asked me this question. I knew this minister and understood why this elder did not trust him.
Obstacles to Trust
What erodes trust in ministry? Consider the following:
Discovering there has been a hidden agenda.
A lack of empathy toward others. Maybe you have seen this. Some can be so focused on their opinion, their desire, and what they want that they really show no empathy for genuine, sincere Christ-followers who happen to share a different perspective.
Relational inconsistencies. (i.e. - when a colleague sees the way another minister treats his spouse and then wonders how he could ever trust him.)
What builds trust in ministry
Integrity - Is there a consistency in my life that reflects my trustworthiness?
Transparent intent - Is my intent open and above board?
Spiritual fruit - Does my life reflect the fruit of the Spirit or the works of the flesh? (A question I am regularly asking myself.)
For any minister, pastor, elder, church leader, building trust is something built every day. It is also something that can be utterly destroyed through arrogance, pride, and stubbornness.
Etcetera
See Jack Shitama’s (the Non-Anxious Leader) excellent interview of therapist, Dr. Kathleen Smith. This interview is broken into four parts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. (Kathleen Smith is a therapist who specializes in Systems Theory. Very “user friendly.”)
I’ve mentioned this book before but I really am blessed by Soul Culture: Stewarding the Five Ingredients of Our Common Life. This wonderful book, by Matt Snowden and Joshua Hays, focuses on the culture of a congregation.
Just for fun. Rick Beato and Mary Spender talk about Jim Croce’s Operator. Interesting lyrics. The other Rick Beato video I especially like is: Gordon Lightfoot, 1938-2023 R.I.P.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin
