Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #109

The cost of stubbornness . . . When you embrace the ordinary . . . After you fall . . . Six core priorities for spiritual leaders (especially for ministers & other church leaders) . . . Etcetera.

(Unsplash - Steve DiMatteo)

The List of Five

The Cost of Stubbornness

This is almost an exact quote:

"If you are waiting for an apology from him, you are going to be waiting a long, long time. He doesn’t apologize - for anything.”

Really? Is this the kind of person I want to be? Do I want to be a person who doesn’t apologize for anything?

Yet, there is often a great cost to personal stubbornness. As a Christ-follower, perhaps the greatest cost is the self-imposed limitation to my own spiritual formation. James speaks of confessing our faults to one another (James 5:16). Certainly this would include humility, acknowledging my faults, and seeking forgiveness.

When might I apologize?

• I need to apologize when I hurt someone or perhaps have angered someone due to my own shortsightedness or pride.

• I need to apologize when I put my own desires before the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others.

• I need to apologize when I speak to someone in a way that is demeaning, insulting, or rude.

• I need to apologize when I have disrespected someone. Instead of treating another person as a fellow image-bearer, perhaps I treated that person as an object.

• I need to apologize when I have been self-centered and love-less, placing myself before another.

• I need to apologize when I have manipulated another so that I could get my way. As a result, a person is hurt, disappointed, or confused because I have chosen manipulation over integrity.

In my own spiritual journey, I first began to see the need for this in my marriage. I have far too many memories of my stubbornness and pride. Often it was the simple refusal to admit I was wrong, in error, or in some way that I handled a situation poorly.

Our stubbornness can come at a great cost. In the meantime, living with humility and an acknowledgment of my failure and sin can give me the opportunity to live the Christ within-me life.

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When You Embrace the Ordinary

Brene Brown said in one of her books, “Narcism is the shame-based fear of being ordinary.”

Maybe you’ve seen this person. This may be the man or woman who wants everyone to know they are special. Perhaps this is the young man who is always right, no matter what is being discussed. This may be the woman who sees herself as the expert on most everything.

This person may deeply fear being seen as ordinary. Consequently this person . . .

1. . . . responds with rage if it appears that you question her.

2. . . . responds with a put down if it appears that you differ with him.

3. . . . rolls her eyes and makes a verbal dig, suggesting that the other person just doesn’t get it.

There are people who are terrified of being seen as ordinary. They go to great lengths to communicate to others that they are superior, all-knowing, and right. The narcissist will do almost anything to communicate superiority. Yet, this is often rooted in shame-based fear, not in that person’s actual attributes.

That person is actually missing the beauty and the value of being ordinary.

The truth is that all of us “ordinary people” are actually made in the image and likeness of God (James 3:9). There is a beauty and splendor to this ordinariness.

You are a child of God created in the very image of God. Does that ever matter!

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After You Fall

I grew up in southeast Dallas. The summers were hot and sweltering. Yet, we often spent much of our time outdoors, either on a bike or playing baseball in the field behind our house.

During these days, my friends Kip and Dale (neighborhood brothers) and I rode our bikes everywhere. We often rode for miles through neighborhoods, the Pleasant Grove Shopping Center, and then to the neighborhood swimming pool. This was a different time. Even as elementary school boys, we had a lot of daytime freedom. My mother’s one warning - “Don’t be late for supper.”

My bike was a red Sears bike with a “banana seat.” I rode fast down both familiar streets and unfamiliar streets. I rode fast, whether on a hot summer day, or on a rainy day with its slick asphalt.

I have memories of crashing my bike - multiple times. Sometimes, it was the result of riding too fast on the slick street after the summer rain. I would skin my knee or bloody my elbow. On one occasion, I was carrying a sack full of coke bottles (glass), riding too fast, and fell, shattering coke bottles all over the street. My hands were cut in multiple places.

Each time I was injured, I knew where I wanted to be. I would run inside our house, find my mother, and she would “doctor it.” Usually this meant enduring the sting of mercurochrome, while my mother blew on the cut or scrape.

Whether I was stung by a wasp, hit with a baseball, or had another bloody knee, I went straight to my mother.

Life is often very hard. There are hurts, wounds, and brokenness. You and I turn to Jesus, who comforts, soothes, and embodies hope. Our confidence - our hope - is in Jesus himself.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5)

When you and I fall, we can know that in God’s mercy, he makes us alive, even while we were dead in transgressions. He did this through Jesus.

At any point, when you and I are discouraged or hurt, we know that the answer is not denying the pain or “toughing up.” Rather, we head straight for Jesus who always invites us home.

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Six Core Priorities for Spiritual Leaders (Especially for ministers and other church leaders)

Most ministers I know have an office, or a study where they do some of their work. Often they have tasks to do, projects to work on, and appointments to keep. For many ministers, much of the time spent in the office is studying.

What we may do in the office is important. they may not be our core priorities. Let me suggest that we have six core priorities. Left neglected, a minister or church leader of any kind may find that longtime ministry is not sustainable. Consider the following:

1. Spiritual formation - Am I practicing prayer, scripture reading, silence, and other spiritual disciplines which might be helpful?

2. Marriage - Am I treating my spouse as if she/he was a daughter or son of God? Is the tenderness and respect obvious in my marriage?

3. Physical self - Am I getting exercise, sleep, and enough rest? Do I practice good eating habits? Am I stewarding my body in a manner that is healthy?

4. Emotions - Am I practicing good emotional health? Am I attentive to any concerns my spouse might express regarding my emotional well being?

5. Family - Am I attentive to the emotional/spiritual needs of my children or do church concerns typically get the priority of my time and energy?

6. Soul - Am I aware of my own brokenness and my temptation to deal with this through substitutes such as pornography, drugs, shopping, etc. Is there a tendency to self-medicate the brokenness?

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Etcetera

1. See Russell Moore’s podcast - “An Apocalyptic Summer Reading List.” (July 3, 2024). I always enjoy hearing Russell Moore talk about books.

2. See Carey Nieuwhof’s interview with Steve Cuss - “On How to Recognize if You Have Chronic Anxiety (or Anxieties)”

3. I am listening to the ESV Audio Bible, read by Ray Ortlund. I am presently listening to the Psalms. Excellent!

4. About once a month, I glance at a variety of book reviews. These are some of the sites that have been helpful: The New York Times Book Review, The Walrus, London Review of Books, The New York Review of Books, The Head Butler, The Times Literary Supplement.

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I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee (until August 30).

Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging. — Jim Martin