Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #106
Lord have mercy . . . When you and I listen . . . Longing for courage . . . When your minister is discouraged (for ministers and other church leaders) . . . Etcetera (resources)
(Unsplash - Chandan Chaurasia)
The List of Five
Lord Have Mercy
Recently, I came across this wonderful quote by Russell Moore:
Most of my regrets are failures to be kind or merciful. What haunts me most are people I loved who needed more mercy than I could or would give.
Can you relate to this? I certainly can.
In my ministry, I wish I had shown more mercy to:
A young couple I just didn’t understand.
A good man who, nevertheless, deeply disappointed me.
A person who was often moody and self-centered.
Sometimes, I wish I had shown my own family more mercy - particularly my mom and dad. I can think of some occasions in which I wished I had shown the elders in our congregation more mercy. Far too often, I was more focused on my frustration, my anger, or my pride.
Perhaps a place to begin is with our own need for mercy. I love these words sung by Michael W. Smith:
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me
Today, I may have the opportunity to both receive and display mercy. It could be toward the person at church who seems to be alone, disconnected, and uncomfortable. Or, this could be my spouse, my adult children, or my grandchildren.
First, I need to come face to face with my own desperate need for God’s mercy. This will help to shape the way I respond to anyone else.
When You and I Listen
For days, I had mentally rehearsed this moment.
My plan was to drive from Denton, Texas to southeast Dallas, to the church where I spent much of my childhood. I was a student at the University of North Texas and living in Denton. I had been reflecting on the direction of my life.
Both of my parents were Christians. I had even gone to a Christian school, from kindergarten through high school. At this point, however, I felt lost, guilty, and alone. Something was missing in my life.
One day, I drove to Dallas to talk with one of the ministers in this same church. I was not particularly close to him but he had always seemed approachable. Before entering the church building, I nervously circled the block a couple of times, trying to muster the courage to take the next step.
A few minutes later, I knocked on his office door. He greeted me warmly and we began to talk.
I told him about my life and some of my regrets. Surprisingly, he responded by saying, “I can’t imagine you doing anything that you would feel guilty about. You are a fine young man.” I talked a little more about how off-course my life was but he was not buying it.
I left his office feeling frustrated. This minister didn’t seem to really listen. I do not recall him asking me a single question about my life other than small talk regarding my siblings and my parents. I still can’t explain this minister’s response.
This memory is a part of my motivation for wanting to be a good listener.
A few take-aways:
When someone tells me about themselves, I want to respect the courage it must have taken to share with me something so deeply personal.
One of the very best things I can do for someone is to listen well. Using a tool called “looping” can be helpful. Charles Duhigg, in his book Supercommunicators, says: “ The goal of looping isn’t parroting someone’s words, but rather distilling another person’s thoughts in your own language, showing them that you are working hard to see their perspective, and then repeating the process until everyone is aligned” (p. 165).
With some, it is helpful to ask: “How can I be helpful in the next few minutes?”
Longing for Courage
Some people have a view of faith that suggests that something is wrong if life is anything but ease and comfort.
Yet, if you and I are serious about discipling our families, we will need to have fresh courage. The life lived in Jesus can bring much joy but with it often comes hard times, challenges, and difficulties. What kind of courage does a person need?
The courage to honor your marriage covenant even though the present season of marriage may not be satisfying.
The courage to be faithful to your husband/wife even when you are far from home and opportunities for sin are readily available.
The courage to speak boldly against the destructive schemes of Satan even when few seem to be living with restraint. “Everyone else does it.”
The courage to confront your children when they need your correction – refusing to close your eyes to wrongdoing like Eli did with his sons (1 Sam. 3:13).
The courage to practice obedience to Jesus as Lord even though your flesh may feel you are being deprived of something good by saying “no” to a temptation.
The courage to speak the word of the Lord to a fellow Christian who is abandoning his wife/her husband and children for another person. Refuse to be silent (rationalizing that you are being “supportive”) when your friend is caught up in the deception of the evil one.
The courage to be a family that refuses to use racist language and make racist remarks that belittle persons created in the image of God.
The courage to seek boldness gained through prayer instead of a cowardly shrug of the shoulders when you face a moral challenge. “Oh well, I’m not perfect.”
The courage needed for dads to abandon passivity leaving precious children to fend for themselves in an evil world.
The courage to model personal holiness and purity in an R-rated culture.
Where do we get such courage? We get courage from our hope in the Lord (Ps. 31:24). We get courage from the indwelling Holy Spirit (Acts 4:31). We get courage from knowing that God is with us (Josh. 1:9; Heb. 13:6).
Maybe this courage begins as you and I take one step toward toward what might be hard, difficult, and challenging, believing that God is with us.
When Your Minister is Discouraged (Especially for Ministers and Other Church Leaders)
Your minister could be discouraged. In fact, you may be that minister.
When could discouragement happen?
You are accused of having self-serving motives
You are constantly criticized for not being like another preacher
You tell someone something in confidence and then they tell someone else
You learn that one of the elders/ministers belittled your idea at a function in which you were not present.
For several years, you have had a group of friends at church that you and your spouse have enjoyed socially. About four months ago, the elders announced a decision that many in the church were not happy with, including some of your closest friends. You’ve noticed that in the last few months, you and your spouse have not been included in several social events involving these same friends. You believe that they are frustrated with the elders and they are expressing their frustration by excluding you and your spouse. Your feelings are hurt.
What happens when you are discouraged? If you are like some, you may feel a lack of energy, and not very motivated. A discouraged person can be negative, cynical, and even argumentative. It can be hard to see what is good and right in the middle of discouragement.
There is no magic formula for overcoming discouragement. However, here are a few suggestions:
Avoid long periods of time with other discouraged, negative people.
Pray that God might restore your joy to you.
Sometimes exercise and diet can be helpful.
Etcetera (Reading/Listening Resources)
I just read Dr. Leonard Allen’s memoir, The Bookroom: Remembrance and Forgiveness — a Memoir. What an excellent book! The book tracks both his personal journey as well as his theological journey. I really enjoyed this.
See Charles Duhigg’s book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. An excellent book! Practical and helpful.
I have been looking at Dan Rockwell’s “Leadership Freak” website. Read several posts that were very interesting.
Another interesting website — “Kinsmen.org” - I love these lines from the website: “We Curate Deep Conversations For Men, Centered On Faith, Fatherhood, And Work.”
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging — Jim Martin
Dawn, thanks so much for such a gracious comment. While a number of church leaders do read this "Encouragement Note," I am delighted to know that someone who is not in a leadership role not only reads this but offers helpful feedback. Thanks so much!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Sydney. -- Jim Martin