Jim Martin's Encouragement Note #101
Friendships that bless . . . When you feel nervous . . . Consider these ten if you want a good life . . . Pay attention to the "basement" (especially for ministers/church leaders) . . . Etcetera.
The List of Five
A Friend That Blesses
We were living in Kansas City. We loved this city with its fountains, its beautiful architecture, and its savory barbecue. One day, I met my friend Chris Bullard, also a minister, at a Mexican restaurant in the Plaza area. Snow was on the ground and the temperature was bitterly cold.
I had driven across the city to meet Chris. I parked and walked across the snow covered parking lot to the restaurant. Once inside, I saw him seated in a booth.
I was discouraged and so glad to see him. We ordered and began to talk. We talked about life, our families, and what we were reading. Each morning, Chris spent the first few hours of his day at the Hy-Vee Grocery Store in Overland Park. He sat at a table in the dine-in deli area of the store, drinking coffee and reading.
Chris and I had lunch together every few weeks. My ministry was very challenging and facets of it were daunting. This particular friendship was helpful.
It was helpful to hear Chris talk about his own life and ministry. These conversations were a reminder that the world was much larger than my congregation, my problems, and my complaints.
Chris was generally cheerful which stood in contrast to some of my gloominess at the time. I could count on Chris’ smile, his warmth, and the energy he would bring to these lunches. Somehow, I just felt better after being with him.
Chris’ appetite for learning and growing was stimulating. He led tours to the Holy Land. He had interests in those years in small group dynamics, leadership, and the spiritual disciplines. He was an excellent student of the Old Testament.
I am grateful for his friendship. The conversations and the connection were life-giving. For me, Chris Bullard was a friend who blesses.
Do you have a friend who blesses? Are you a friend who blesses?
When You Feel Nervous
Today, I have been pondering this verse (Deuteronomy 31:8):
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.
Do you need to hear this promise? Do you need to hear his assurance?
Maybe your 3rd or 4th grade son needs to hear this. God will be present with him.
Maybe your teenage daughter needs to hear this. God will personally go ahead of her.
Maybe your married son or daughter needs to hear this. God will be with him or her.
Perhaps you, like me, need to hear this. I need his precious reassurance that he is in front of me. I need to hear that he will be with me. He will not abandon me or fail me.
You and I are not alone.
Consider These Ten if You Want a Good Life
The following are a few practices that you might find helpful in your discipleship with Jesus:
Nurture the center of your life which for a Christ-follower, is Jesus himself.
Cultivate your heart/soul that you might be hungry and desire the things of God.
Cultivate habits that will move your life to become more in tune with Jesus.
Know that your attitude matters. Beware of an attitude that leads you toward grumbling and complaining.
Focus on Jesus’ call not on your age. No one “retires” from being a disciple of Jesus.
Seek to relate to others with an increasing degree of emotional maturity.
Pray, expressing both your joy as well as your fear to God in prayer.
Learn from those who finished well and from those who did not.
Desire to be a person of joy, regardless of the circumstances.
Invest your time, money, and influence in the things that really matter.
Pay Attention to the “Basement” (For ministers and other church leaders)
Ministers and elders may talk about the goals, strategies, and tactics of their ministries. Yet, sometimes ministers can become overly focused on matters such as leadership strategies, skills for conflict management, and strategic functioning.
After all, we need to remember that “it is easier to spend your life manipulating an institution than dealing with your own soul” (Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Leader, p. 51).
The various skills of ministry certainly have their place. However, we would do well to first check both the foundation and the basement of our lives.
The basement is where you pay attention to your spiritual formation, your health, and your relationships. Consider the following thoughts which may be helpful in reminding you and me as to what needs attention in the basement.
1. Spiritual formation – prayer, scripture reading, silence, and the many, many other disciplines which might be helpful.
2. Marriage. Does your marriage need attention? Have you become stuck? Are you or your wife in relational pain? Are there important conversations that you are avoiding? Are you overly focused on your children while you marriage remains in neutral? Would a godly therapist or counselor be helpful at this point?
3. Physical body. Note the need for exercise, sleep, rest, good eating habits. Are you stewarding your body in a manner that is healthy?
4. Your emotions. Many ministers wrestle with some form of depression. (Not referring to clinical depression but rather a milder form that is nevertheless debilitating) Seeing a counselor or medical doctor can be a good beginning place.
5. Your family issues. Some of us bring into our marriages and families various wounds and other baggage from our families of origin. If we are ministers, we may bring this dysfunction into our relationships with the elders and the congregation.
6. Your flesh. This represents your sin. This could be pornography, drugs, shopping, etc. Is there a place that is not healthy or holy where you sometimes go in an attempt to ease the pain?
Basically, the basement is the place where we deal with the mind, body, and soul. It is the place which undergirds our functioning as we minister on the “floor.”
Etcetera
I just read Diary of a Pastor's Soul: The Holy Moments in a Life of Ministry by M. Craig Barnes. Excellent!
Kathleen Smith is a therapist and an excellent writer. See this fine article: “Learning to Let People Be Disappointed.”
A wonderful conversation. Simon Sinek interviews Charles Duhigg regarding his new book, Supercommunicators.
I enjoyed Russell Moore’s article, “Not All Who Wonder are Lost” in The Buechner Review, February 2024.
I love this story. “How a simple act of kindness connected two strangers at (the) Atlanta airport.
I serve as Vice President of Harding School of Theology, Memphis, Tennessee.
Every other Monday morning, I publish this “Encouragement Note.” You can subscribe at jimmartin.substack.com. You can also find me on Facebook - @jim.martin or Instagram - @jimmartin.jm. My e-mail address is: jmartin9669@gmail.com. Feel free to write. I would love to hear what is encouraging — Jim Martin
Chris, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you pointing out the specific thoughts that had value for you. -- Jim Martin
Thanks so much, Tim.